


Pictures of you

by fisharefriends8



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crowley is anxiety on legs, Double proposal, F/F, F/M, Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Female Crowley (Good Omens), First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Ineffable Wives (Good Omens), Loss of Parent(s), Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Rough Childhoods
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2020-10-26 09:42:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 84,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20740163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fisharefriends8/pseuds/fisharefriends8
Summary: Zira Fell is instantly smitten with a model ( a one Antonia J. Crowley) her dear friend Anathema has in a fall themed photo shoot before she knows it her friend and her employer, madam Tracy play match makers to get the pair together.(This is just many chapters full of the wives being disgustingly in love with each other)





	1. The photos

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! this is a bit of introduction and therefore short but chapters will get longer as I go along. The next chapter is a little introduction to Crowley. I hope you enjoy!!

A full hour passed with no customers before Zira Fell sighed and gave into her boredom. The bookshop often had it’s slow days, especially in the mornings. She adored working in the shop and the shop itself really. She usually loved slow days were she was free to roam the shelves, admiring the immense collection of new and gently used books. Today however she took the down time to scroll through Instagram. She was new to the concept of social media, well smartphone in general, but found this one delightful. She thought of it as an interactive online photography book. Her dear friend Anathema had thought her how to use the app. The young witch was a bit of a photographer herself. She had shown Zira the app as a way for her to always see Anathema’s latest photo opps, even when the pairs schedules could not allow for them to meet up in person.

Zira had met Anathema the previous year. Anathema had transferred to London for school from the states. She was attending Zira’s old alma mater and the university just happen to be within walking distance of campus. Zira had graduated herself only a couple of years prior and often helped her friend study or gave advice on how to survive college life. Anathema had wandered into the shop one day out of curiosity. The shop carried a number of old and unusual books that attracted all sorts. That was how Zira discovered her younger friends interest in the occult and things of Wiccan nature. Zira found it and her positively fascinating.

Madam Tracy, the owner of the little bookshop, figured herself a bit of a medium herself. She ran sceances and tarot readings in the back of the shop at night. Zira thought of the older woman like an aunt. She had taken Zira in when she moved to the city with no direction or anything to her name. The Madam happily mentored Zira’s new friend from time to time. She was mostly happy to Zira have a social life at all. She always told Zira that she spent far too much time with books. Dead poets and an old woman could not be her only company in life. 

**That_Witch** : It’s beginning to look a lot like fall 

Zira tapped through the photoset Anathema had posted just this morning. Zira found herself instantly stricken. Thr photos featured a beautiful background of a forest full of trees with orange, yellow and red leaves, but that was not what caught her eye. The subject of the photos was the most beautiful person Zira had ever seen. The woman stared right at the camera with incredible honey colored eyes. Long, wavy dark auburn hair framed face. Dark freckles dusted her cheeks and nose like scattered stars in the night sky.

She wore tight high waisted black trousers with brilliant gold buttons, a gray button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, and a wide brimmed black hat. It showed off her figure perfectly even being very clothed. She was tall and thin with enough sharp angles that screamed stay away but just made her more thrilling to stare at. In a few of the shots she wore dark circular sunglasses that hid her eyes. Zira practically mourned the loss of them. 

Zira had been staring at the photos so intently that the sound of the bell above the shop door dinging made her practically jump out of her skin.

“Zira, Darling?” Madam Tracy calls out.

“Back by the registrar, my Dear.” Zira calls back.

Madam Tracy rounds one of the bookshelves and smiles brightly at Zira.

“Ah, there you are Darling. How about we close up early and go to dinner?” She asks.

“Sounds wonderful.” Zira responds.

“Wonderful! Why don’t you ring Miss Device and see if she’s free as well?” Tracy suggests.

Zira nods. Tracy heads to the back and up to their little apartment upstairs. Zira returns to her phone. She likes the photo set, seeing that the model’s account was tagged. Zira makes a mental note to check it later and closes the app in favor for her contact list. She finds Anathema’s number and dials her.

"Hi Zira!" Anathema's voice greets her after a few rings.

"Hello Dear, how are you?" Zira asks.

"Quite well thanks. I think I passed my Chem exam." She reports.

"That's great to hear, my Dear. Tracy and I were going to go out for dinner tonight. Would you care to join us?" 

"I'd love to! Newt is working this evening anyways."

Anathema had started dating Newton Pulsifer in the spring semester. The two had met on campus. Newt had started as a computer science major but found out the hard and harsh way that he was rubbish with computers, even more so than Zira. The poor boy spent the summer having an identity crisis. He was a bit of a disaster but he was kind and adored Anathema to bits. 

"It's settled then. How's about you meet us here in an hour?" Zira suggests.

"It's a plan. Oh, and you liked my new photos! What do think? I couldn't decide which ones to choose from and settled for those five before I went too crazy." 

"Yes they were so wonderful! You really are talented, my dear. Who is that woman?" Zira asks, before she could lose her nerve.

"Oh that's Toni. She lives in my building, up stairs from me. She has a little rooftop garden and lets me have some herbs and flowers to use in my practice." Anathema explains.

_Toni _, she knew her name now. For all the times Zira had been to Anathema's flat she had never seen Toni around.

"How kind of her."

"I think she does it so I wont tell the building manager that she has that garden up there. I stumbled across it by accident once. She's a cool person though. I think you two would get along pretty well. She has an old soul aura like you do. Plus she's also pretty introverted like you." Anathema tells her.

"You think so?"

Zira's heart fluttered at the thought of meeting Toni in person. Heaven help her she has never felt like this about another person before. 

"I owe her lunch, you should come with." Anathema suggests.

"Oh, I couldn't impose." Zira insists.

"Not at all! Please, Zira?" 

"Alright, i suppose one lunch would not hurt if your friend does not mind."

"I'm certain she won't mind."

The trio decided on trying out a new Italian restaurant a little further in town. Anathema offered to drive, mostly out of self preservation. Madam Tracy had a car but it was far older than even her and barely ran. Zira had successfully avoided driving her whole life. Cars frightened her enough as it was and could not fathom controlling one. She and Madam Tracy rarely went anywhere that was not within walking distance anyways. Upon their arrival they were seated at a corner table near the back. The place seemed to being busy even for a week day night. The women agreed it must be a good sign. Madam Tracy orders them wine as a treat. The trio chatted for hours about their past few weeks. Tracy asked Anathema about how her relationship was going and her classes. Zira held her tongue the whole night, wanting to ask more about Toni. She did not want to make a big to do about her...crush? infatuation? She was not sure what to call it and was too embarrassed to admit it out loud.

No she would hold it in. Who knows it might just go away. She has had crushes before, many in fact. She however has always been too afraid to do anything about them. The one time she had acted on a crush it had end dreadfully for her and the girl. She would go to lunch with Anathema and Toni and ignore those fluttery little feelings. If she played her cards right she might even end up with a new friend. Perhaps Tracy was right and Zira needed to come out of her bubble more and make real human friends. 


	2. The Model

Antonia J. Crowley very much loved her solitary life. She had been on her own for most of her life and that did not change going into her adult life. She had good enough standings with her coworkers and her even her often grueling boss but she did not exactly consider any of them friends. She had her plants and that was good enough for her. Her job required enough human exposure to last her a life time. She earned her alone time at home. She worked for a local music venue as a bartender. She had always gravitated to music through life, it being like therapy for her. A welcomed distraction to the shit going on around her. This particular venue, The Hell Hole, was home to many local punk, grunge, and rock bands.

She found bar tending made her decent enough cash to afford living on her own. She learned quickly how to make more and bigger tips. it was easy smile real nice, lean in a little close and throw around some meaningless flirts. Men were the easiest to temp into tipping well, poor bastards had no clue they had zero chance with her. It did not matter to her. They were fleeting things, in and out like a flash. Most of them would drink their weight in booze and forget she even existed anyways. She went by Toni there and she wished she had a Pound for every time someone one would jokingly ask her "isn't that a stripper name?" She would pretend to laugh while rolling her eyes mentally. Toni fit her persona there better. She much preferred Crowley instead.

One of the busboys Hastur had the gall to call her Crawly once. He learned fast not to ever do that again after getting tequila thrown directly into his eyes. Bee, the owner, however did not find that stunt as funny as Crowley did. Hastur and his moron cohort Ligur both learned from that day on to behave themselves around her. Over the years the trio eased into a friendly banter back and forth. Working nights got easier as the months went by. She would spend most of the daytime sleeping, her favorite activity. She'd wake up a few hours before her shift to water the plants and grab some food. It was her routine and it was comforting to have the regular stability. She never really had it growing up.

One particular evening however a wrench was thrown into her routine. She had just woken up, grabbed her watering can and headed up her fire escape to the roof. Her flat was just under the roof making it easy for her to pop up there undetected. She had been keeping plants in her flat, and she still had some, but most of them needed more light. She started caring them up one by one as a test and figured out the building manager rarely if ever went up there and never noticed them. As she surveyed the plants, inspecting for spots or bugs, voices caught her attention. Voices and the sound of metal clanging from footsteps. People were definitely coming up the fire escape. Crowley sets her watering can down and ducks down near one of the extended chimneys. A couple appears at the top of the steps. They were giggling and very much wrapped up in each other. Crowley sighs exhausted and annoyed and steps out.

"Oi, get out of here. The roof isn't a hook up spot." she yells out to them.

The pair jump at her voice, push at each other to run.

"Shit, Newt go, go, go!" The woman exclaims shoving her Beau down the metal steps.

The couple quickly clamber down the fire escape. in a few minutes the noise of them is gone. Crowley growls in annoyance and picks her can back up. she takes her annoyance out on a section of basil that was starting to wilt. She grabs the container, making sure the rest of her plants could see the shameful state of the basil, and throws the pot clear off the side of the building into the alley bellow. She leaves her plants with a warning to act right. She spent the rest of her time before work hoping that the couple had not seen her garden at all, and most importantly would not narc on her if they did. Several days later as Crowley was checking up on her plants the woman appeared again, this time alone. Crowley had her headphones in and had not heard her approach. She turned to see someone standing on the roof and she damn near had a heart attack.

"Ngk, haven't you heard of not ssssneaking up on people?" Crowley scolds, clutching at her racing heart.

"Sorry. This is a beautiful garden you have up here." She says.

"Don't say that out loud. You'll give them egos." Crowley complains.

"Right. I just wanted to apologize for the other day. We didn't know people used this roof." The woman tells her.

"Look don't tell the super and we're even." Crowley proposes.

The woman nods.

"Sure of course."

Everything in Crowley told her to tell the woman to fuck off but for some unknown reason she felt at ease around this strange American woman.

"Crowley. Toni Crowley."

"Is that lavender?" Anathema asks, eyeing one of the plants behind Crowley.

"Yeah."

"I'm awful at growing my own herbs. Could I buy some of yours off of you? or I'd be happy to trade my services." The woman asks.

Crowley narrows her eyes at her. She had never been propositioned in broad daylight before, first time for everything she supposed.

"You have the aesthetic of my usual type but I'm not into random hookups anymore." Crowley tells her.

Anathema goes wide eyed and a little red.

"Oh you think.. no, no! I'm a witch. It's what I need the herbs for I meant I could preform a spell or hell even a curse for you in return." Anathema quickly explains.

A witch? That was a new one for Crowley. She often meant a whole string of interesting and bizarre people but a witch was a new one for her.

"Well witch I would lead with that next time. Take some of the damn lavender and lets just pretend this whole conversation never happened." Crowley tells her.

As much as Crowley hoped that would be the last she heard of the witch Anathema it wasn't. Every few weeks of so she would pop back up at the garden to ask for different plants. She was insistent on striking up conversations with Crowley too. Despite her best efforts to seem cold and standoffish the young witch managed to get Crowley to engage in conversation back eventually. She asked Anathema about the different plants she used in her practice and what purposes they had. Anathema was more than happy to explain it all. Crowley was not sure when it happened but these random visits soon became part of her routine as well.

"Oh Toni, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind being a model for me?" Anathema asks during one of their visits.

"Crowley." She corrects.

"Please I feel silly calling you by your last name. But would you pose for me? You'r whole look would go so well with the fall turning leaves." Anathema repeats.

"I hate taking photos." Crowley insists.

"No you don't. I found your Instagram months ago." She retorts.

Clever sneaky witch. Crowley sighs.

"Fine but you owe me big time." Crowley grumbles.

And that was how Crowley found herself trudging through the woods with a witch. The air was starting to get a nip of cold. Crowley hated the cold. She grumbled to herself as Anathema lead the way to a little clearing. She took a few shots before asking Crowley to remove her sunglasses. They were partly for show but were practical as well. Bright lights caused her headaches if exposed to light for too long. It also made it easier to hide her unusual eyes. She protests it for a while but in the end the witch won. Anathema had seen her eyes on accident once before. The glasses had been knocked off her face on accident. Anathema was kind enough to not comment on them, just simply handed over her glasses. Crowley woke up the next morning, well afternoon, to a text from Anathema.

_Since I owe you, how about we get lunch one day next week?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up is lunch were our ladies get to meet!


	3. Lunch with an angel

Zira fussed over her outfit for nearly an hour. It was silly to be this worried about her looks. It’s not like this was a date. The woman did not even know she existed nor knew that Zira was even coming to lunch. Zira liked herself fine enough and typically did not dwell on the opinion of others. She had long accepted that she was perhaps a little soft in certain places and dressed a bit old fashioned for someone her age but it was who she was.

She stares at the laid out clothes on her bed and sighs. Anathema would be arriving soon. She did not want her friend to catch on to Zira’s internal battle with her feelings. Why make a thing out of it if it was just a simple little crush? Zira decides on one of her classic simple everyday outfits and hurries down to the store front to wait for Anathema.

“You look lovely as always, Darling.” Madam Tracy calls to her from the register.

“Thank you.”

Zira had decided on one of her favorite creme colored tartan skirts that went down to her knees, with a matching bowtie of course, a simple white shirt and tan jacket. 

“You’re going to lunch with Anathema and her new friend right? The girl who’s photos you’re always staring at?” Tracy asks.

Zira feels her cheeks heat up a little. Was she really that obvious?

“I don’t know what you mean.” she lies, picking at her skirt nervously.

Tracy gives her a little smile.

“If you say so Darling.” She says and continues flipping pages in her magazine.

Zira could admit to herself at least that she had been spending the last few days looking through Toni Crowley’s instagram. She could not bring herself to follow her or like any of the photos. No that would then be evidence of her borderline obsessive photo stalking. Heaven help her she could not stop herself from staring at her. Anathema came just in time to rescue her from her own thoughts and the watchful eye of Madam Tracy. 

“Toni texted me that she’s going to meet us, well me there.” Anathema announces once they were in her car. 

“Are you certain it’s alright with me coming along, my dear?” Zira asks.

“Of course! Toni avoids most social interactions so that why I didn’t tell her you’re coming but once she’s in them she does well. Besides I really do think you two would be great friends.” Anathema assures her.

The women arrive to the little cafe first. They grab a seat near the front window, so Anathema could look out for Toni. They really only wait for a few minutes before a blur of black and red rushes past the cafe window. Anathema smiles and announces that it had to be Toni. She was correct of course. The door of the cafe opens and Toni saunters over to the table. The way she walked had a certain swagger to it that Zira had never really seen before, outside of movie characters.

“Hey! Thanks for coming. I hope you don’t mind, I brought my friend Zira along.” Anathema greets her. 

“S’pose not.” Crowley says, taking a seat across from them.

“It’s lovely to meet you, my dear.” Zira says with a smile.

Zira prayed that it was not obvious that her heart was about to beat out of her chest. How could Toni be more beautiful in person?

Crowley stares for a moment. She honestly forgot how to speak for a few moments. Anathema’s friend was the closest thing to an angel Crowley had ever seen. Her soft voice, white gold hair that looked like fluffy clouds framing her face, her bright blue eyes and the general glow of warmth around her rendered Crowley utterly speechless.  _ My dear  _ no one had ever called her something even remotely like that. She craved to be called nothing else for the rest of her life.

“Ah, yeah you too.” She stammers, pulling together enough brain cells to form a sentence. 

“I told you a bit about my mentor Madam Tracy? Well Zira here lives and works at the bookshop.” Anathema explains.

“You live with Madam Tracy? That must be quite interesting from what I’ve heard about her.” Crowley asks.

“She took me in a number of years ago when I had nowhere to go. She’s a very kind woman.” Zira answers.

Nowhere to go? Who on this earth would displace this beautiful angel? The idea of her sweet soft face being overtaken by pain and sadness as she sat all alone hurt Crowley. She could not help a strong urge of protectiveness. Where the hell did that come from?

“S’nice of her. You’re lucky to have people looking out for you.” Crowley tells her.

“Yes, I suppose I am quite blessed.”

There is a pause, both not sure what to say to each other.

“Anathema tells me you are quite proficient with plants.” Zira says breaking the silence.

“You could call it that I guess.” Crowley shrugs.

“I’ve always found plants quite fascinating in a literary sense. Did you know in Victorian times they developed a whole language around flowers?” 

Zira kicked herself mentally for rambling off about facts and trivia. To her surprise Crowley actually smiles at her. Her red lipstick shimmering in the lights as her lips moved. Zira quickly adverts her eyes back up to the dark glasses hiding Crowley’s eyes.

“I’m familiar with it. I’ve never been great at verbal communication so the idea you can convey so many thoughts and feelings with just a simple flower has always been far more appealing to me.” Crowley tells her.

Zira smiles back at her. It nearly knocks Crowley out of her chair. She would devote her life to see this angel smile at her again.

“My Dear, you took the words right out of my mouth. I feel quite the same.” Zira says.

Anathema watches in silence with a happy knowing smile as they chat about flowers and books. She eventually interrupts them to remind the pair that they were there for lunch. Anathema finds it amusing how flustered her two friends get at her interruption. The trio order tea and sandwiches. As strange as it sounded Crowley enjoys watching Zira eat. Every bite she takes was as if it were the best food she ever had. She wishes someone would chaise her like Zira did her food.

“This was fun! We should all do lunch again.” Anathema proposes.

“Certainly.” Zira agrees.

“I’m sure you can convince me to get up early again.”

Especially if you keep bringing the angel around, Crowley adds mentally.

“Do you work nights often then?” Zira asks.

“Yeah, I bar tend at a music hall a couple of blocks away.” Crowley tells her.

Zira knew that of course. She had discovered it during her Instagram stalking. She pretends that this was new information.

“I can imagine that’s quite a feat to get a proper sleep schedule.” 

“It was at first. My first week I went three days without sleep before I lost my mind, and started forcing myself to sleep any way I could during the daytime.” Crowley tells her with an amused grin, recalling the memory of her many failed attempts to day sleep.

“God Lord, I couldn’t imagine going that long without sleep!” Zira gasps, genuinely horrified by the idea. 

Anathema took the moment while her friends were chatting to grab her phone. A minute later both Zira and Crowley’s phones ding with a notification. They look at their respective phones in confusion.

“I set up a group message. That way we can all make plans to meet up again later.” Anathema explains.

As she looked at her phone Crowley noticed the time. She had just enough time to run home change and quickly check her plants before she had to run to work.

“Not to be a killjoy, but I got to run.” Crowley announces, shoving her phone back into her pocket.

“Go, don’t let us make you late! We’ll make plans later.” Anathema tells her.

“Until next time, my dear.” Zria adds.

Next time. Crowley would see to it that there was a next time.

She made it back to her flat in record time. She tosses her keys onto the coffee table and headed straight back to the bedroom. She throws herself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling for a moment. What a strange day this has been. She was quite familiar with feeling attraction to others but this feeling she had now was different. Damn witch, this was all her fault. She could not just show up with someone like Zira without a warning. 

Zira was far different from the women Crowley went for in the past. To be fair to Zira, Crowley had found the others through work and that place attracted a certain type of people. The others were merely just passing flings anyhow and Crowley did not want that from Zira. Crowley sits up and rubs at her face, what was she thinking? She barely knew Zira. She had know idea if Zira is even attracted to women, or any at all. For all Crowley knew she could be in a relationship already or married. Not all married people wore rings on their fingers.

She should get to know Zira a bit first before diving head first into anything else. Befriending Zira seemed like a good start. Even if she could not get more from her Crowley could die happy just being the angel’s friend. She could do for some friends anyways, normal people had loads of friends. Anathema and her were friends, right? They had to be if they were planning future get togethers. 

“When did I start wanting friends?” Crowley wonders aloud.

Her phone buzzing in her jacket pocket breaks her out of her cloud of thoughts. She pulls it out to see Bee’s name lighting up the screen. She then sees the time. She curses and answers the phone.

“Where the hell are you?!” Bee’s voice yells at an instant.

“I’m coming! Overslept.” Crowley tells her.

“Drive fast.” is all her boss says and hangs up.

“Good going Crowley. One pretty girl smiles at you and you forget how to function.” She scolds herself.

As she goes to pocket her phone again she recalls the group message Anathema set up. 

**Witch** : _ How about next week? _

**New contact** : _ Works for me :) _

It dawned on Crowley then that she had Zira’s phone number now. Before she spiraled into what to do about that she quickly saves the number as Angel and jumps off the bed. She grabs the first work outfit she could find and pulls them on without a second thought. Her poor plants would have to wait till tonight to be looked after. Perhaps in the morning if tonight ran later. She runs a hand through her hair, good enough for now, and retrieves her keys. Before heading out the door she sends off a text.

_ Let’s do it _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley.exe has stopped working
> 
> Look forward to lot's of communication through flowers later!


	4. Sunday Brunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact about me : I literally can not write things in order. I wrote the next two chapters first then struggled to actually write this one. That being said the next few updates won't be far behind :)

“You’re happy, what's the deal?” Lilith asks one afternoon during setup.

Lilith worked mostly as a show host. She introduced the bands and hyped the crowd up in between sets. She had the personality for it and lived for entertaining. Plus it gave her full access to every local rock back in the city. She definitely had a type and that type was rock star. Everyone at The Hell Hole knew it but no one really cared. Lilith did her job and somehow never caused drama. Bee hated drama and no one dared cross Bee.

“I’m not allowed to be happy?” Crowley questions.

“It’s just weird. You fake happy around customers but this is real. You got yourself an actual girlfriend or something?” Lilith asks, jokingly.

“You really have no room to judge me for my sex life. If you must know, no I don’t. I’m trying a new thing where I have a life outside of this place. Turns out I like it.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh well that’s boring. I don’t care about all that.” Lilith huffs.

“Sorry but it’s the truth.” Crowley shrugs.

“So I was thinking for Grunge Fest this year, how about you do your fire trick? I think it would really blow this year out of the water?!” Lilith requests, her voice full of too much excitement for Crowley’s taste.

Crowley only grimaces in response. She had picked up how to do a few fun sideshow esk tricks with fire years ago. She used to do those parlor tricks to impress drunk strangers. Now she did not like all the attention.

“Oh, come on! Please? You haven’t done it in years.” Lilith begs.

“Look I’ll do it if, and only if, you can convince Bee to let my new friends get in free that night. The one is a photographer, she can take event photos for us.” Crowley proposes.

That and it could be a great opportunity to impress a certain angel.

“Deal!” Lilith gleefully accepts. 

Lilith skips off to the back offices. Crowley continues setting up bottle on the shelf and does not notice Dagon staring at her at first. She stops with a huff once she does and stares back at the other bartender.

“What?” she questions.

“Nothing, you just really need to stop making deals with the devil.” Dagon tells her.

“Lilith isn’t that bad.” Crowley insists.

“Yes she is. She just gets away with it because of her charming personality.” Dagon says rolling her eyes.

“Oh yeah? What happened with you then?” Crowley teases.

Dagon shoot her a nasty look. Crowley just laughs. Penelope “Penny” and Lilith Dagon were sisters. Lilith being the younger of the two. You could not really tell looking at them. Penny had fiery red hair, a bit lighter than Crowley’s, while Lilith had dark golden blonde hair for starters. Crowley figured Lilith died it. The sisters had very opposing personalities on top of their looks.Where Lilith was a natural born entertainer and a people person, Penny was the quiet and brooding type. She was more of a keep to herself type of person than even Crowley was. 

Crowley all in all got on well with enough with Penny. The two ran the bar together without stepping on each other toes and were good about not stealing each others' tips. Penny was close with Bee, and no one was close with Bee. That made Penny dangerous to Crowley. She stayed out of Penny’s way and tried not to piss her off too much. She could not afford to mess with Bee’s right hand.

The pair get through set up in silence. Once the bar was ready for the night, Crowley snuck away to grab a few flyers for Grunge Fest to give to Anathema and Zira at their next lunch. She stuffs them in her bag and checks her phone for a moment.

**_Angel_ ** _ : Would you ladies be up for tea and Sunday brunch at the shop this weekend?_

**_Witch_ ** _ : I have a new jasmine we could try! I’ll bring it with._

Sunday brunch? What were they old ladies in the countryside? Crowley however finds herself smiling at the idea. God what was happening to her?

_I’ll be there. Neth I’ll drive if you navigate._

**_Witch: _ ** _ I promise not to get us lost!_

**_Angel: _ ** _ Perfect! I’ll pick up some scones for us!_

Crowley shoves her phone back in her bag and rushes back to the bar. The night was rather uneventful thankfully. No one started a fight or got too rowdy. They only had one drunk patron vomit in the bathroom, hastur and ligur pulled straws for who had to go clean it up. Hastur lost. Lilith keep the crowd amused during the set change. Most importantly Bee floated around but never once spoke to Crowley or Dagon. 

Crowley got back to her flat by 3am and crashed onto her bed. She smiled at her phone for a moment reading over texts she missed. Zira and Anathema worked out the logistics for the brunch. She shuts it off and tosses it onto her night stand. She stares at her ceiling for a moment_ . _Sunday could not come any sooner. Her heart sped up a little at the thought of seeing the angel again. That night it took forever for sleep to come, her mind too active with thoughts about how to act around Zira at brunch.

**Sunday.**

The shop was always closed on Sundays. Madame Tracy usually spent the day with the gentleman next door Mr. Shadwell. Zira could tell her dear friend fancied the sullen older man but could never tell if he actually liked her company or not. Typically Zira would spend her day with a pot of warm tea and whatever book she was on that week. She would stop at lunch time and walk down to the deli down the street. In the evening she would help Tracy make dinner and bring some over to Mr. Shadwell. 

Zira had felt silly for suggesting brunch at first. The trio had already agreed to a weekly lunch but she just could not wait that long. When the other agreed to it right away Zira spent the rest of the week preparing. Brunch was simple enough to put together but she wanted it to be perfect. After all this would be Toni’s first time at the shop and her home. _ Oh God she’s going to be in my house! _No panicking never did anyone any good. She would take a deep breath and just make sure everything was in its proper place. She had thrown a nice cream colored cloth over the little garden table out back. 

Madame Tracy was quite fond of flowers. She grew a nice variety in their little back garden. In the spring time Zira would often sit out there just to be surrounded by their smells. For the brunch Zira chose the garden as a way to hopefully impress Toni. Her friends were due at noon. By a half an hour till she had the tea kettle ready, sandwiches prepared, and scones delivered. 

She spent the rest of the time sitting by the shop window looking out for her guests. She had been anticipating Anathema's charming little american made silver car so when an all black vintage looking Bentley pulled up in front of the shop Zira was utterly awestruck. The car looked as if it were ripped right out of an old photograph. Zira watched as Toni stepped out of the drivers side first. 

So the old Bentley was Toni’s. Zira wondered then how well bartenders made out then. Perhaps the car was an inheritance? Had been in the family for generations and left to her. Those sort of things happened quite often. Zira herself always wore a small gold cross, it had been her mothers. It had been passed along for centuries. She could still feel her sisters jealous stares seeing a young Zira wear it around after the funeral.She shook the memory away and skips over to the shop door. 

“Hello Dears, I hope the traffic treated you well this morning.” She greets them.

“Well enough.” Anathema confirms. 

The pair enter the shop. Crowley looks around at all the shelves and the occasional decorative paintings.

“Charming little shop you got here.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh, thank you.” Zira says.

“Where are we doing this?” Anathema asks.

“I thought it’d be nice to sit out in the back garden.” Zira informs them.

Zira led them through the shop, past Tracy’s back workroom and the shop office to the yard. Crowley admires the flowers and perfectly manicured hedges in garden. She does not catch Zira’s hopeful yet watchful eye. Zira smiles at the delighted look on her face. The garden was blocked adequately by the surrounding buildings making it pleasantly shady. It was dark enough to not bother Crowley to the point where she decides to remove her glasses. 

“Does the light bother you?” Zira asks, curiously.

Her voice draws Crowley away from the flowers. She tucks her glasses away safely in her pocket and looks at the angel.

“Oh, ah, yeah. S’pouse it’s from working in the dark for years.” Crowley explains.

“Yes I do think that can have quite an effect on your eyes. The glasses suit you though.” Zira tells her.

Crowley stutters over a form of thanks. Zira instructs her friends to sit at the table and she’d fetch the tea and food. She returns a moment later with a tray, a tea pot and three cups balanced in the center. She carefully sets them all up onto the table. 

“Need help?” Crowley asks.

“Oh it’s quite alright thank you, my dear.” 

It takes Zira two more trips, one for sandwiches and the other for scones, to get everything out to the table. 

“This is lovely thank you for putting it all together.” Anathema tells her.

“It was nothing really. I will confess though, Tracy assisted me with making the sandwiches.” 

Zira pours out tea for everyone. They each take a few of the finger sandwiches. Anathema fills them in on her classes. One of her professors had her water break in class and had to rush off to the hospital. The class were informed by her husband via email that she had given birth to a little girl that night. Zira recounted a particular interesting customer that come into the shop wearing clear plastic pants. She stated it was new experimental fashion trend.

“If you find that fascinating. You really should see what some folks wear to the Hell Hole.” Crowley says after a laugh.

“Speaking off, we have this big show at the end of next month that I was wondering if you guys would be interested in coming? Anathema especially I could use your photography skills during the show. I can set up the owner with paying you for your time.” Crowley requests.

“I do like having opportunities to strengthen my skills.” Anathema says.

“What is the event?” Zira asks.

Crowley digs out the flyers from her bag and hands them over to the women.

“Our annual Grunge Fest. I’ll be doing a special presentation myself actually during one of the set changes.” Crowley explains.

“Grunge is a music thing i’m assuming based on context clues.” Zira says.

Crowley could tell Zira was serious. She smiles, God Zira was so cute.

“Yes. It’s a genre, well sub-genre under Rock. Mostly popular during the late eighties and through the nineties.” Crowley explains to her.

“Ah, so it’s quite nostalgic to many people then? How fun!” Zira says with a bright smile.

“So you guys want to come? I’ll get you passes to get in. You’re welcome to bring Newton. I’m sure he could use a day off.” Crowley asks.

“Of course, and I’ll ask him.” Anathema confirms.

“It certainly sounds like it’ll be quite the experience.” Zira adds.

“I know it’s probably not your usual scene.” Crowley says a bit nervous.

“Oh you never know my dear I might surprise you.” she insists.

“I look forward to it.”


	5. Quite a pair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ladies learn a bit more about each others pasts

The trio continued their new tradition of lunch once a week with a few Sunday brunches thrown in. Crowley learned that Zira grew up in a small village outside of London and moved to get a change of scenery and attend university. She did not speak much of her family or home, Crowley decided not to push it. Zira in turn learned that her new friend much preferred to be called just Crowley, was from London, and had no family to speak off.

This particular week Crowley arrived at their usual cafe to find Zira sat alone at a table. She had her phone in her hand, reading something. She looks up at Crowley as she approached the table and smiles.

“I just got word from Anathema that she will not be joining us today.” Zira informs her.

“Shame, what’s going on with her?” Crowley asks, taking a seat across from Zira.

“Well it seems poor Newt injured himself in the computer lab this morning and she's gone to the hospital with him.” Zira explains.

“That kid really needs to just hang it up and do something else. No shame in admitting when something just isn’t working.” Crowley says, trying not to laugh aloud.

“Change can be quite difficult but I agree he should choose another pathway. Going this rate he will enviably get himself hurt terribly or even killed.” 

“Hopefully our Witch can convince him that being stubborn is not worth getting electrocuted over. That’s a hell of a way to go.” Crowley says with a shutter, just thinking of it gave her the willies.

“Yes Indeed. I pray that he recovers before next weekend.”

_ Shit Grunge Fest is next weekend! Where did the last month go?  _

“Yeah, be a shame for him to miss it. Though I can’t quite picture him in a mosh pit.”

“How did you end up working there anyways?” Zira asks.

“Oh ah, I made friends with the show hostess Lilith. Her sister is also a bartender there. They let me stay with them for a little while and they got me an interview of sorts with the owner Bee. I honestly thought I blew it but I guess the sisters put in a good word for me.” Crowley tells her.

“It seems both of us got quite lucky with kind souls taking us in.” Zira says.

“Yeah I guess so.”

Crowley had never really thought of it that way. She supposed that she did get pretty damn lucky. She really did owe her current life to the Dagon’s. It was strange to think about but without them letting her stay in their already cramped flat and getting her an in at the Hell Hole, she would not know where she would be. 

The pair turn to ordering food. Crowley snuck glances at Zira as she ate. The angel had such an expressive face and it was wonderful to watch. Suddenly Zira’s face twists with a shock of realization.

“Oh shoot. I just remembered, Anathema was supposed to help with my inventory and book sorting today. I suppose I can do it alone, though it will certainly take far longer.” Zira worries aloud.

“I could help you.” Crowley suggests.

“‘Oh thank you my dear but even with the help I’m afraid it will take up most of the day. I don’t want to make you late for work.” 

“S’alright I have off anyways tonight.” 

“Oh well splendid.” Zira practically beams.

It was contagious, Crowley could feel herself smile back.

“I’ll make it worth your while. Tracy and I have become quite the wine connoisseurs as of late and I know she hides whiskey in her back room. Plus if we run late, i’ll have some dinner delivered.” Zira tells her.

“M’not too picky about my alcohol but that all sounds great.” 

Crowley drove the pair to the bookshop. Once inside Zira instructs her to make herself comfortable while she ran up to check for Madame Tracy. She finds the upstairs flat empty. Crowley wandered around the shelves aimlessly. A few minutes later Zira returns. She calls out for Crowley who had not heard her come down the steps.

“Back here.” Crowley calls popping out from a shelf.

“Ah there you are my dear. So I was thinking we start by scanning the shelves for out of place books and go from there.” Zira suggests.

“Alright. How do you have them sorted? Genre, by author, color coded?” Crowley asks.

“Genres and then in each genre they are by author. Though that color code idea is quite amusing. Perhaps I’ll do that on April fools to confuse Tracy.” Zira conforms.

They split up and each tale a side of the shop. Zira scanned the shelves with deadly accuracy. She knew practically every book in the shop by heart. She found some Jane Austen's in the Non Fiction section, Shakespeare in mystery, and one of the misprinted bibles in romance of all places. She collected the lost books in a pile in her arms and placed them back where they belonged as she passed through the aisles. She glances over at Crowley a few times, she was scanning the shelves very intently as if she were carefully reading each book spine. Little did Zira know but that was exactly what Crowley was doing. She refused to let a single misplaced book slip past her, she could not let Zira down after all. 

Zira slowed her work down as to not rush Crowley. She moved on to making sure the sections were alphabetized. Crowley hears Zira start to hum to herself. it was a pleasant little tune that did not seem familiar. After a minute Zira began to quietly sing, she did not even realize she was doing it at first. Crowley stopped in her tracks at the sound of Zira's voice. Even while singing her voice was soft and sweet and well for lack of a better term angelic. She sings for a moment before returning to humming. _What were the last few lyrics? _Zira thinks. She often sang absentmindedly to herself but was terrible at remembering the words to songs. This particular ear worm would no doubt distract her till she looked it up. She reaches for her phone but finds it not in her pocket. 

“Crowley, Dear? Have you seen my phone?” Zira calls to her.

“No but you must have set it down somewhere. Here call it from mine. I’ll start looking for it.” Crowley suggests, handing over her phone.

The bookstore was small but had enough nooks and crannies to lose anything. Crowley starts down one of the rows of bookshelves and Zira types in her number. As she hits dial the screen light up with ‘calling Angel’. It had a little emoji of a halo next to the name. Zira stares at it for a moment. She feels her face get hot. 

“Found it!” She hears Crowley yell from the front of the store.

She walks back up with the phone in hand, smiling in triumph. 

“Here ya are.” she says handing the phone over.

Zira takes it and cancels the call on Crowley's phone. Crowley spots the pink tint in her cheeks and Zira hands back Crowley's phone. It was incredibly cute. Crowley gives her a look of curious confusion.

“You alright?” She asks.

Zira nods, not quite making eye contact with her.

“Angel?” Zira asks, her voice quiet.

It was Crowley's turn to blush. She looks away, despite her glasses hiding her eyes, and rubs the back of her neck nervously.

“Yeah, I ah, thought it fit you. You remind me of one.” Crowley murmurs nervously.

Zira can not help but smile at that. She braves looking at Crowley properly. The red head still had her head tilted away slightly. 

“I’d make a terrible angel honestly.” Zira jokes with a nervous laugh.

“Well, you are just enough trouble to be worth me knowing.” Crowley jokes back. “But all in all you’re good Zira. You’re caring and kind….”

Crowley trails off realizing what she was saying. Zira takes Crowley’s hands in hers. Crowley looks from their joined hands up to Zira’s smiling face.

“So are you my dear. As much as you want people to see you as a cool, nonchalant, badass I can see that deep down inside how much you care about others, your coworkers, Anathema and Newton, your neighbor kids, and your plant’s. ” Zira tells her.

_ And you Angel, don’t forget about you.  _ Crowley could feel her body heat up again, she just hoped it was not obvious. 

“You’re bad at being good sometimes and I’m bad at being bad sometimes I suppose.” Crowley says.

“What a pair we make.” Zira laughs.

“Indeed.”

“I’m actually named after an angel you know.” Zira tells her.

“You are?” Crowley asks with a raised eyebrow.

“My full name is Aziraphale. I go by Zira. My siblings are all named after angels as well.” 

“There’s more of you?” 

Zira smiles to stop herself from laughing.

“Yes there's my sisters Michael and Uriel and my brothers Gabriel and Sandalphon. I’m the youngest.” Zira explains.

“I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say your family is religious.” 

“Yes very much so. My relationship with them and religion has become very strained. I love them and God but I can not sit idle while they use their faith as a reason to do awful things to others.” Zira tells her with a deep seated frown.

“Is...is that why you came to London?” Crowley asks, cautiously.

Zira nods.

“Our father had a very set plan and expectation for me from birth. He wanted me to help run the congregation along with my siblings. I fell in love with books and the world. I wanted to do more with my life, but they just saw it as me being selfish.” she elaborates.

“I’m so sorry Zira.”

“I’ve made my peace with it. I have some contact with Michael still. She doesn’t approve of all of my choices but she still loves me. If the rest can not accept me for who I really am then that’s their burden to bare not mine.” 

Zira has a sad sort of smile now. Crowley could tell it still hurt her at least a bit. Zira was stronger than she looked, carrying around that pain but still moving along with her life. God how Crowley envied her. She wished more than anything she could let some of her own pain go. She watches Ziras fast shift into concern.

“My dear are you alright? I didn’t mean to upset you.” She asks.

“No, it’s not you. I...I just wish that I was brave like you.” 

“Whatever do you mean?”

“I...My mom gave me up when I was four. I grew up bouncing around foster homes my whole childhood and when I turned eighteen I was tossed out into the world to fend for myself. I’ve spent my whole life wondering why she abandoned me. What I did to make her toss me away with nothing but a handwritten note and my birth certificate with her name scratched out of it. I can still remember what it felt like to have her love and I’ve longed for since. I got angry as a teen and acted out a loot, I still am a little angry now. Your family pushed you away too and you learned to let it go and live your life.” 

Crowley could hear herself start to ramble but she could not stop once she started. Zira sat silently and patiently, letting Crowley get it all out. By the end of it tears start to bubble over in Crowley's eyes. She does not realize Zira had moved till the angel’s arms were wrapped around her, hugging her tightly. Crowley relaxes in her hold after a moment, she bows her head to bury her face against Zira’s shoulder. 

“Oh darling, it took me a long time to stop being angry and sad every day about my family. People grieve and cope at different paces. Don’t beat yourself up for still being upset. Your mothers choices are not your fault. I’m sure she had her reasons but none of them have anything to do with you.” Zira tells her as she rubs Crowley’s back.

Crowley squeezes her eyes shut in an effort to stop her tears. She scolds herself mentally for breaking down like this in front of Zira. Surely this would hurt her efforts with the angel. Not that she was entirely certain she even had a shot with Zira in the first place.

“I feel guilty now. You were so open with me just now and I held back talking about my family.” Zira admits.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, angel.” Crowley assures her.

_ Shit, you called her angel out loud!  _ Surely it would be okay, right? Zira had reacted fine to the nickname in her phone. 

“No, no. It’s okay. My family could have learned to accept my decision to not join the church but they can not accept something else about me. Micheal and Uriel found out that my close friend at the time, Olivia was actually my girlfriend. They walked in on us kissing one day. Uriel told father and our brothers. They told Olivia’s family and the next week her family left town without a word. My father covered it up and yelled at me till he was horse about it. I was devastated and heartbroken. Michael held me while I cried and begged me to try and be normal and father would go back to being himself again. She meant well but it wasn’t comforting. I saved up money for the rest of that year and after my nineteenth birthday I bought a train ticket to London. I left a note with Michael explaining my decision and to not go looking for me.” Zira tells her, continuing to hold onto her.

After she finished Crowley lifted her head to look at Zira properly. Crowley wipes at her damp cheeks.

“How did you find Madame Tracy?” Crowley asks curiously.

She hoped that Zira did not spend too long alone, with nowhere to go. She had been there, surfing couches and staying in dodgy hotels till she got a stable job and could save up for a real place to live.

“At the train station actually. She spotted me from a mile away. She said I had a good aura and picked up on that I was sad. She was kind to me and I couldn’t help telling her all of my troubles, this strange woman I just met. She listened and comforted me and invited me to stay in her guest room till I had somewhere to go. That turned into asking me to work in her shop and eventually asking me to officially live there.”

Zira smiles and laughs a little at the memory of how utterly dangerous it was to trust Tracy at the time. She was young and naive then but now Zira swore Madame Tracy was sent by God to rescue her in her time of need. 

“Do you know what happened to Olivia?” Crowley asks.

“Unfortunately no. I like to think she’s well. She found a way to live her life in a way that makes her happy too. I realized a while ago that dwelling on it too long would only bring me pain.” 

“The first heartbreak always hurts the worst. My first girlfriend broke mine when she decided she loved heroin more than me. She overdosed a year later.” Crowley tells her. 

“That’s terrible. I’m…” 

Crowley cuts her off with a wave of her hand.

“It’s okay, like you said I don’t dwell on it.” She says with a shrug.

“We certainly do make quite the pair.” Zira repeats.

“Indeed.”

“I say we both earned a drink.” Zira suggests.

“I’d say so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the big show and boy will it be quite the party


	6. Angel at the rock show

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cut this chapter in half to just get something out, part 2 will be out later this week. This weekend was nuts at work. Check the end for a sneak peek of part 2 <3

Crowley awoke with a splitting headache. Vague memories of drained a bottle of wine with Zira came flashing back to her. She remembered Zira telling her stories of her siblings. She recalled saying Gabriel sounded like a prick and Zira laughed so hard she almost snorted wine out of her nose. Crowley smiles at the memory. She sighs and forces herself to open her eyes. She was thankful the room was dark, but it certainly was not her flat.

The smell of incense burned through her nostrils as and sits up to look around. She had been laying on a couch in a room full of candles, crystals, tapestries, and one large round table. It damned on her then that this had to be Madame Tracy’s work room. She rubs at her aching temples and sits up properly on the couch. A moment later there a soft knock on the door.

“Crowley my dear, are you awake?” Zira’s voice calls from the other side.

“M’up.” she groans backs.

Zira enters the room carrying a cup and a medicine bottle. She smiles at Crowley and sits down next to her on the couch.

“Here I brought some pain killers and Tracy’s magic hangover cure drink. I have no idea what’s in it but I swear by it.” Zira tells her handing over said items.

“You really are an angel.” Crowley muses.

She swallows down a few pills without a second thought. Tracy’s drink was a little thick and slightly bitter. Frankly it was disgusting but if it would stop the pounding in her head she would happily chug it. She must have made a face at the taste since Zira unsuccessfully tries to hide a smile.

“Never let me drink that much again. How are you not also in pain?” Crowley questions, in between gulps.

“Oh I am, I’ve just been up for a little bit. Tracy woke me up before she left to run errands.” Zira explains.

In reality Tracy had only woken her up to tease her a bit about the passed out redhead in the back room. Tracy had come in last night to set down a newly acquired tarot card set to find the woman sleeping on the couch. Tracy put two and two together after finding the two empty wine bottles and dirty glasses in the kitchen. She questioned her young protege about the events of last night, making heavy implications. A red faced Zira quickly dismissed them, insisting that they just had a friendly chat and venting session over wine. 

“You know what I could go for?” Crowley asks after swallowing down the last of Tracy’s devil drink.

“What?”

“A really greasy burger.” Crowley answers.

“Can I confess something?” Zira asks.

“I’m sure your lot are good at that kind of thing, go for it.”

“I’ve never had a burger.”

Crowley stares at her for a moment, stunned. 

“You can’t be serious.” Crowley practically gasps.

“I don’t kid about food, Crowley.”

“How? Why?” Crowley questions, befuddled.

“No particular reason I just never have.” Zira says with a shrug.

Crowley immediately grabs her jacket off the floor and digs for her phone in the pockets.

“Well lucky for you my favorite little american joint delivers.” Crowley says, tapping away at her phone.

It does not take long for their hangover cure meal to be delivered. Zira answered the door and set up their meal while Crowley freshened up in the bathroom. She spent a minute staring in the mirror, fixing her sleep messed hair. She would no doubt pay for sleeping in makeup later but not much to do about it now. She stepped into the kitchen guided by the wonderful smell of deep fried chips and melted cheese from the burgers.

Crowley watches Zira in anticipation as the angel takes her first bite of the burger. She lets out a held in breath as Zira’s face has her usual tell tale sign of being pleased by her food.

“I don’t know if it’s because I feel so awful or it’s the food itself but this is one of the best things I've ever ate.” Zira reports.

Crowley grins.

“Yeah I’ve only ever ate their food after a night of drinking so I'm not sure either but damn if it doesn’t hit the spot.” Crowley tells her.

“Though I will warn you burgers are hard to eat and look attractive at the same time.” She adds.

_ Accept for you Angel you always look gorgeous. _

“I’d argue that eating is not exactly an attractive act to begin with.” Zira retorts.

“S’pose not. Wonder why folks do dinner on first dates then?” Crowley wonders.

“Gives people a distraction I guess. If you can’t find something to talk about it doesn’t matter since you can’t carry a conversation and eat at the same time.” Zira proposes.

Crowley shrugs and shoves a handful of chips into her mouth.

“Guess it’s rude to talk with your mouth full.” Crowley says between chews.

It earns a giggle form Zira. The two continue consuming their burgers mostly in silence. The pair were both quite ravenous. 

“Crowley dear, can I ask you something?” Zira requests.

“Yeah I guess.” 

“Where on earth did you get that car?” She questions.

Crowley had been waiting for that question for a while now. It was an unusual model to see now a days. 

“A couple of years ago I got a letter saying my biological maternal grandfather had passed away. I don’t know how they tracked me down but he apparently left me an inheritance. He left me the car and a bunch of old photo albums and documents. I thought about selling the car since I was pretty low on cash at the time but I couldn’t do it. The car was bought brand new by my great grandfather apparently.” Crowley explains.

Zira fiddled with her mother's necklace as Crowley spoke.

“No one else in the family tried contacting you? I imagine there would have been some amount of arguing over something valuable like that.” Zira asks.

“Nope, thank god.” Crowley says.

“Small favors and all that.” 

“I’d hate to eat and run but I got work tonight.” Crowley tells her, staring at the clock on the oven.

“Oh yes, of course. I’ve kept you longer than I intended, my apologies my dear.” 

“Don’t worry about I ah...this was fun. Sorry for blubbering on you.” Crowley apologizes nervously.

“I’m happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me.” Zira tells her with a kind smile.

Zira walks her back down to the shop and out the door. She watches Crowley get into the Bentley from the doorway and waved her off. Before heading back upstairs she sends off a quick text.

_ I don’t mind if you call me angel. _

  


**One Week Later**

Crowley damn near crashed her car after reading the text from Zira. It was not in the group chat, rather sent directly to her. Crowley could never work up the nerve to do it first, they were friends so why was it so hard to just text her? Friends did it all the time. So when Zira texted her first it was relief but that particular message caused Crowley’s brain to cease function for a split second. She spent the rest of the day trying to determine how to answer. She was also late to work yet again, she narrowly avoided Bee. Lilith covered for her but teased her relentlessly for the next week. 

Crowley and Zira continued to text throughout the week. Zira asked her a lot of questions about what to expect for the show on Saturday. Crowley sent her some bands and songs to listen too and recounted stories of incidents involving drunk crowd shenanigans. She could tell by Zira’s responses that grunge was not her cup of tea. Zira was politely nice and it amused Crowley. 

**Angel:** _ I am quite intrigued by observing the crowd. Human behavior is fascinating. _

_ Who would have guessed you were a voyeur, angel. _

**Angel: ** _ You know quite well what I mean. _

She did of course but it was far more fun trying to get a rise out of Zira.

_ It’s okay you can hang around the bar with Dagon and me. We get our entertainment by watching the crowd too. _

**Angel: ** _ I’m not much for dancing anyways and Mosh Pit’s seem much too aggressive. _

_ Don’t worry angel, I’ll keep you safe. _

Zira’s heart flutters at Crowley’s promise. She smiles at her phone screen and pockets it before Anathema caught her not paying attention. She looks around the store and spots her friend heading back to her with an arm full of clothes.

“Okay I think this should do you well to fit in on Saturday.” She says handing over her selections.

“Thank you again for helping me find a new outfit, my dear.” Zira tells her.

“My pleasure. Now go pay so we can get you some killer boots to go with it!” 

Zira had gone to Anathema for help after spending most of the week fretting over what to wear. The three of them were going on Crowley’s invitation so they had to make some effort at least to look the part. They could not hinder Crowley’s reputation at work after all. Anathema laughed and told her she was worrying about it too much but if it would ease her mind they could go shopping. Grunge rock was apparently quite big in America and Anathema knew enough to make Zira feel like she was in good hands.

  


**The Hell Hole.**

Anathema led the way to the music hall. There was a line wrapped around the building to get in. Zira spots a rather tall and muscled man dressed in a full black suit by the door, quietly watching over the line. That had to be the head of security Crowley told them to talk to. She taps Anathema’s arm and points to the man. The trio bypass the line, getting a few nasty looks as they approach him. He starts to move as if to block them as they approach.

“Toni asked us to give you this.” Anathema tells him, handing over the black envelope.

He takes it and pulls out a sheet over paper reading over Crowley’s scribbled note._ They’re with me Brut, let em in. _He stashes the note in his pocket and looks the group over.

“Welcome to Hell.” He says opening the door for them.

Zira felt a tingle go up her spine. If her father or siblings were here they would be utterly horrified by that statement alone. Being this rebellious, in their eyes, felt a little thrilling to Zira. As they enter the lobby they’re immediately greeted with a large animal enclosure. It was designed like a forest and encased in glass. It commanded attention as anyone walked in. Zira smiles at it in interest and gravitate towards it. Anathema and Newt follow after.

“Wonder what’s in there.” Anathema says.

The trio peer into the glass. Zira then spots a rather large looking snake curled up under a hollowed out log. 

“That is Luci, our sort of mascot here.” A woman’s voice calls out to them.

The group look up from the napping reptile. The woman was looked to be about Zira’s height, her golden blonde hair practically shined as she approached them 

“I saw Brutus let you guys in the side door. Who do you know?” She asks, curiously

“Toni.” Anathema answers.

The woman's face lights up with a grin.

“Oh! You must be her new friends. I’m Lilith, I do all the show hosting here..” She informs them.

“Anathema.”

“Zira.”

“Ah, Newt.”

“Let me call for her before we crack open the doors and let the hell hounds in.”

Lilith grabs the walkie talkie holstered at her hip.

“Red? You’ve got company up by Luc.” She says into it.

“Got it, up in a sec.” Crowley’s voice calls back through the speaker.

“Luci is really Toni’s baby. She’s the one who takes care of her most of the time. Spends far too much time fussing over the thing if you ask me. I don’t see the appeal in reptiles much but Luci fits the aesthetic here.” Lilith explains.

“I think she’s quite beautiful.” Zira says, turning her gaze back to the snake.

“As do I.” Crowley’s voice agrees.

Zira looks up from the tank to see Crowley walking into the lobby. She smiles at her. Crowley can not help but smile back.

“Thanks for coming out tonight. I have media passes for you guys since Anathema is going to be taking photos all night. This way you basically have free reign of the place and security won’t give you a hard time.” Crowley explains to them.

She hands them each a plastic ID card on a black lanyard. The trio each immediately put them on around their necks.

“Well you already met Lilith. She’s the hostess, if you ever need anything she’s always floating around and can point you in the right direction. Come on, I’ll show you around while it’s still empty.” She tells them.

“OO! Can I tag along? I love tours!” Lilith requests, bouncing on her toes.

“Fine, not like I can stop you.” Crowley tells her.

Lilith leads the group down a set of stairs to the music hall, explaining the history of the place and some random tidbits about the decor. Crowley adds that the lobby where Luci lived was safe from noise since the main hall was sound proof. Crowley walked side by side with Zira while their young friends stuck close to Lilith. Anathema in particular picked the hostesses brain about places to stand for photos.

“Lil will talk your ear off if you let her.” Crowley warns.

“I believe you. She seems quite nice, very bubble. I imagine that helps with her job.” Zira says.

“That’s certainly a word for it. Come on.” Crowley Ushers her to follow.

Zira looks to the others. They were wandering around the hall, not paying attention. She follows Crowley over to the bar built along one of the side walls. There was a woman working behind the bar that Zira swore could have been related to Crowley if she did not already know she had no family.

“Dagon, this is one of my friends Zira. The other two are with Lilith.” Crowley. 

“You abandoned the poor souls to deal with little sister alone, that’s cruel.” Dagon says.

“I thought she was rather nice.” Zira says.

“That's what she wants you to think.” Crowley and Dagon respond almost in unison.

Zira takes a seat at the bar while Crowley hops over to the other side to assist Dagon. Crowley eyes Zira’s outfit more as she sets up glasses. This was by far the most casual she has ever seen the angel dress, a blue and black plaid flannel shirt over a band tee shirt and ripped blue jeans.

“Do you even know who Nirvana is?” Crowley asks, gesturing to her clothes.

“Well given the context I assumed it was a band.” Zira tells her.

Crowley stifles a laugh and crack a smile, while Dagon throws out an unnoticed look of ‘are you kidding me?’ 

“God you are so cute, angel.” 

“They were on the list you sent me weren’t they?” Zira questions.

“Yeah they were. I will say that plaid suits you.” Crowley tells her.

“I rather like it too, it’s quite like tartan.” Zira agrees.

Zira hears her name being called. She spots the others stood chatting in the middle of the hall. Anathema waves her over. Zira excuses herself and shuffles over to them. Dagon shoots Crowley a look.

“What?” She questions.

“Nothing, I just didn’t know you were into good girls.” Dagon comments.

“Looks can be deceiving and am I really that obvious?” Crowley asks.

“A little but I’ve known you for a damn near decade. Where’s you find the church girl anyways?” 

“She’s friends with Anathema and I live in the same building as Anathema. Church girl?” Crowley explains.

“She’s wearing a cross.” Dagon says with a shrug.

Dagon was not exactly wrong but Crowley did not want to get into. The two instead go into a rhythm of set up. The doors after all would be opening soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “And what, you her girlfriend or something? Come to defend her?” The man barks.  
“What if I was? What’s it matter to you?” Zira barks back.  
“Right, I'll believe it when I see it.”  
Zira sigh exasperated with the man. Crowley watched their exchange in stunned silence. She had never seen the angel stand up to someone like this before. She was too distracted to notice Zira lean over the bar, closer to her. She takes a hold of Crowley’s head and pulled her closer. Crowley realized what was happening when their lips met. Without a second thought Crowley kissed her back, acting on instinct.


	7. Late night conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Crowley has several panic attacks, at work no less, but is it all worth it?

Controlled chaos was a great word for what happened when the doors finally opened. Bodies flooded into the room through the four doors above the stairs. Security officers watched the crowd like hawks. Zira sat back and admired how Crowley and Dagon floated around each other almost like dancers sharing a stage as they flew through pouring drinks to a now crowded bar. Anathema buzzed around the room taking candid shots of patrons enjoying themselves. 

Newt was banned from touching the camera equipment. He knew it was nothing personal but cameras were expensive and his lovely girlfriend needed it for her classes and work. He instead left her to do her job and stood with Zira out of the way of the incoming crowd. The pair entertained themselves commenting on their favorite outfits. Zira’s winner for the night was a man with a three foot tall spiked Mohawk, which she later learned was called liberty spikes. 

Zira and Newt eventually wormed their way into grabbing seats at the end of the crowded bar. Zira watched Crowley work and move. She did not know how a human could move so fluidly. The crowd slowly trickled away from the bar to stand in front of the stage. Crowley takes the breather moment to grab a pair of bottles of Hellfire their signature brew. She hands on to each of her friends. Zira takes hers with a smile, their hands brush against each other briefly. 

“Welcome all my lovely demons. I hope you’re all prepared for one hell of a night.” Lilith’s voice echoes through the room. 

There was a response of jumbled yells and whistles from the crowd.

“We’ve got some of our local friends here tonight and a few that came out all the way from the states and we have an extra special little show for you heathens later on tonight. Let’s get on with it then.” Lilith continues.

Lilith disappears off stage and is soon replaced by the first band. Zira delights in watching the crowd move. They were a mass of jumping and thrashing about, most somehow moving around each other without touching minus the section of people up against the stage. The pure energy of the room was electrifying. The pure unadulterated joy emanating from them all was intoxicating. 

Zira caught sight of Anathema darting around the room. She points her out to Newt. The two watch her dive in and out of the crowd with her camera clutched protectively to her chest. She would occasionally pop over to the bar to show off a few photos to her friends before diving back into the fold. Lilith appears back up on stage after the first couple of bands.

“Are you all ready to heat things up a little?!” Lilith asks the crowd. The collectively yell back.

“Lovely lady Red would you please come entertain this lot before they riot?” Lilith requests.

Zira watched Dagon hand over a strange looking glove and a bottle full of a clear liquid. She then watched Crowley swagger her way up to the stage. She figured she could not be the only person enjoying watching Crowley walk, right? The crowd were a jumbled mess of yells and cheers in anticipation. Zira spotted Anathema setting up her camera equipment on the stage. Crowley tugs on the glove and joggs up the steps to join Lilith on stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present one of your bartenders for tonight Toni and it’s not just her hair that’s fiery.” Lilith tells the crowd.

Crowley rolls her eyes at the joke and walks closer to the front of the stage. 

“Fair warning to the lot of you up front, you’re in the splash zone.” Crowley says.

The crowd continues to cheer as she takes a drink from the bottle and hands it off to Lilith. She snaps her fingers feeling and hearing the device hidden in the glove activate. She blows out the liquid creating a long line of flames to shoot past her hand. The crowd went wild, eyes looking up at the fire with amazed wonderment. 

“Let this be a warning to always tip your bartender cuz’ you never know if they’ll set your ass on fire.” Crowley tells the crowd.

Lilith takes over chatting up the crowd as Crowley returns back to the bar. 

“Crowley that was wonderful!” Zira praises with a delighted smile.

“S’nothing really.” She dismisses, rubbing at the back of her neck.

“I’d be scared senseless to have fire that close to my face.” Zira continues.

“Took a lot of practice and plenty of incidents of burning myself to get it right.” Crowley tells her with a shrug.

A few patrons trickle over to the bar. Crowley jumps back into work, making polite conversation with them as she helps fill their orders. One particular man seemed to be just hanging around. After he wormed his way over to Crowley and had a particularly cheesy pick up line involving fire. Crowley brushes it off as her and Dagon got hit on regularly. This man however was persistent. Zira kept an eye on him. She could see Crowley getting irritated, she could practically feel it.

“Trust me mate you’re barking up the wrong tree.” Crowley tells him with an annoyed sigh.

“You women just use the lesbian thing as an excuse to get out of talking to men.” He argues.

“Gee I wonder why.” Crowley scoffs.

“Regardless if she is or not, if a woman says no thank you, leave them be.” Zira adds in.

She was getting irritated herself listening to the man prattle on.

“And what, you her girlfriend or something? Come to defend her?” The man barks.

“And what if I was? What’s it matter to you?” Zira barks back.

“Right, I'll believe it when I see it.” 

Zira sigh exasperated with the man. Crowley watched their exchange in stunned silence. She had never seen the angel stand up to someone like this before. She was too distracted to notice Zira lean over the bar, closer to her. She takes ahold of Crowley’s head and pulled her closer. Crowley realized what was happening when their lips met. Without a second thought Crowley kissed her back, acting on instinct. 

_ She kissed you to mess with that drunk asshole and now you’re kissing her for real. What are you doing?! Knock it off before you screw things up farther. _

Crowley is the first to pull back. She catches a content pleased little sigh come from Zira, one usually saved for a particularly good bite of food. The sound caused a mix of emotions to flutter through Crowley. Zira smiles at her for a second before turning back to the man.

“Satisfied? Now order a drink from these nice ladies or sod off.” Zira orders him.

The man stares stunned for a moment before mumbling out a beer order. Dagon moved first to grab it since Crowley’s mind was still racing. 

“And don’t think about not tipping either.” Zira barks. 

The man nods in silence and throws some bills up onto the bar.

“Shit church girl we should hire you to be bar security.” Dagon jokes.

“People like that have to be put in their place every now and again or else they’ll just run rampant being awful.” Zira says simply.

Crowley avoids eye contact with Zira. She was too nervous and frankly a little embarrassed too. What was she thinking kissing Zira like that? Zira did start it but it was just a stunt, right? Crowley hoped Zira thought she was just playing along too. What was with the noise Zira made though, was that real or did Crowley hallucinate it? 

“Crowley, can you go check the back for more coconut rum?” Dagon’s request drags Crowley from her spiraling thoughts.

“Right, yeah.” 

Crowley quickly pops to the store room behind the bar. She shuts the door behind her and rests her back against the door for a moment. She takes a calming breath. The storeroom muffled out the noise from the main hall, very relaxing environment for riding out a panic attack. She was often anxious but it only got bad on rare occasions.

“Get it together Crowley.” She tells herself.

She takes a few more deep breaths before pushing away from the door. It’ll be fine. The last band is on now, the noise is too much to carry on a conversation anyways. She would just dive into her work and everything would be okay, like it was no big deal. She decides she's wasted enough time and retrieves a bottle of Dagon’s requested rum. 

As she enters the main hall Anathema was sat with the other. She was leaned over close to Zira, yelling by her ear. She sees Zira nod as she hands over the rum to Dagon. Zira looks to Crowley and waves her over. Crowley silently curses her heart beating faster as she walks over to her friends. Zira leans over the bar again, Crowley’s heart was now hammering against her chest. 

“We’ve got to go. I’m sorry my Dear.” Zira yells over the music.

Her face was incredibly close to Crowleys. Zira’s breath against Crowley’s ear made a slight shiver tingle through her body. Crowley scolds herself mentally for over reacting. Zira pulls away with an apologetic smile. Crowley nods and steps closer to Anathema.

“Thanks for coming! Show me the photos later.” She tells anathema.

Crowley waves off her friends before turning back to work. As the last band wraps up Dagon, Crowley and the boys make quick work through closing up the bar as the crowd starts to file out. Once the hall was clear Crowley catches Dagon staring at her.

“What now?” Crowley barks.

“You know what.” Dagon says.

“Don’t start it was a stunt.” Crowley grumbles.

She still was not sure if that was true but she did not want to get into it with Dagon right now. 

“Looked pretty real to me.” Dagon mumbles.

Crowley just glares at her. She ignores it and walks off to wipe down the counter. 

The buzz alert of her phone grabs Crowley's attention. She had been sitting in the Bentley for about twenty minutes now just replaying the night and trying to decompress. She grabs her phone from the cup holder and checks the message.

**Angel** : _ I’m sorry we had to leave early. I had a lot of fun tonight. _

_ Nothing to worry over, Angel. I’m glad you came. _

** _Angel_ ** _ : I’m sure you’re exhausted but could you stop by the shop? I promise not to keep you long. _

Stop by the shop? What could she possibly mean by that? Panic started to rise in her chest again.

_ Sure Angel. _

Crowley drove to the bookshop with a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel. She could not recall the drive just that she suddenly appeared in front of the shop. Zira was sat on the front stoop waiting for her. The street was quiet and empty as it should be at three in the morning. Crowley exits the Bentley and sits next to Zira on the stoop.

“Thank you for coming over.” Zira tells her.

“Course.” 

“I ah, well I wanted to apologize my dear.” Zira starts.

“What for?” Crowley asks.

“For earlier. I at the very least should have asked you beforehand. That scenario seemed great in my head, I just hope I didn’t offend you.” Zira tells her, nervously.

“Did I act offended?” Crowley questions.

“Well, no. At least I don’t think so.” Zira answers.

“I wasn’t, I’m not.” Crowley confirms.

“Oh well splendid. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I jeopardized our friendship.” Zira says with a smile.

“Nope, we’re good.” 

“Well I’m sorry for making you come out her then. I just would have spent the night worrying if I didn’t talk it out with you.” Zira explains.

“It’s fine Angel.”

“Well I suppose I'll let you go then. Good night my dear.” 

“Night, Angel.”

Crowley gets up from the stoop and starts to walk back to her car. Something stops her halfway. She just could not leave it at that. Going on pretending that the kiss and Zira did not mean anything to her more than a friendly thing. She turns back to see Zira standing in the doorway watching her. She strides back over to Zira before she lost her courage. 

“Everything okay my dear?” Zira asks.

“No, yes, ah I don’t know. Look Angel, this may sound a little juvenile but I don’t know how else to say it. I like you Zira, alot. I can handle that kiss being nothing but a joking ruse to you but it meant more to me than I’m ready to admit. I can’t go home and just pretend like everything's normal.” Crowley admits in a nervous rush.

Zira stares at her stunned. Her face feels flushed and hot. Crowley’s chest tightens in the silence, panic setting in again. Shit, why did you say that? 

“Fuck...Angel. I, i’m so…” Crowley starts to apologize.

Zira cuts her off. The angel steps closer to her.

“Not to sound juvenile but I like you too.” Zira tells her, cheeks pink with blush.

“Oh, well ah great.” Crowley breaths.

“I’ll be honest, it was a ruse at first but then you kissed me back and it stopped being so. You pulled away quickly so I was worried that I upset you.” Zira says.

“No I ah just panicked s’all. Angel I don’t know what I’m doing with these kind of things I don’t know what to do from her.”

“Neither do I my dear. I suppose we should go out on a date and go from there.” Zira suggests.

“Getting drunk on vintage wine and venting about our miserable childhoods doesn’t count?” Crowley jokes.

Zira smiles.

“No like a proper date.” 

“Okay, I’m sure I can come up with a proper date idea.” Crowley tells her.

“Crowley, can...can I kiss you, for real this time?” Zira asks, nerves making her voice a little shaky.

Crowley in fear of her own voice failing her, nods. Zira mimics her movements earlier and cups the side of Crowley’s face pulling her down closer. Crowley can not help but to part her her lips in a sigh after Zira’s touch hers. Her hands settle on Zira’s plush hips, holding her close. Zira is the first to break away this go round, she silently begged her lungs to cooperate and not force her to stop by to much avail they won. She rests her forehead against Crowley's as she lets out a shaky sigh. Crowley's eyes stay shut for a moment reveling in the feeling of her angel kissing her earnestly. Part of her was afraid if she opened her eyes it would all be just a dream or a fantasy. She opens her eyes to find Zira's bright blue eyes staring back at her.

"Crowley, I just ask that you be patient with me. Last time I really invested in a relationship it... well you know how it ended." Zira requests.

"Of course angel. Just tell me if I ever go too fast for you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> October is gonna be a rough month, lots of late night ghost tours at work, so bare with me. Coming up next the ladies plan out and go on a proper date! Lots of fluff and stupid hilarity for the near future.


	8. A proper date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira and Crowley decide on where to go for their first date. Anathema catches onto the change in her friends quite quickly.

Zira could not sleep that night. She watched Crowley drive off. Once the Bentley turned off the street Ziras face broke out in a wide happy grin. She felt like she was floating as she went back into the shop, as if the butterflies fluttering in her chest were carrying her around. She has not felt like this in a very long time. It was a little scary but for now she relished in the feeling and in the lingering feeling on her lips. She could practically still feel Crowley’s breath against her skin from her sigh. 

She must have fallen asleep at some point. She woke up around midday, something she had not done since she was a student. Her stomach immediately protested loudly at the missing of breakfast. She yawns and stretches before grabbing her phone. It was blinking with notifications. One was from Anathema in group chat. She was excited to show off her photos from last night. She would be editing the rest of the day and promised to show them at their next weekly lunch. The other message was from Crowley.

_ Morning Angel, congrats you survived your first rock show.  _

Crowley on the other hand did not sleep at all. With the adrenaline from work and Zira all she could do was stare at the ceiling and silently beg her heart to calm down. She replayed the night over and over again in disbelief that it actually happened. Part of her stupidly wanted to text Zira to make sure. Sure that it happened and sure that she meant it. A voice however took over Crowley telling her to just relax play cool and don’t fuck it up this early on. She likes you and kissed you don’t give her a reason to end it before it even starts.

She waited not so patiently till a decent enough time in the morning to do a good morning text to Zira as an open. She sets her phone aside and decides to do something productive as a distraction while she waited for a reply. She stares at her record collection. It was starting to become a mess again. She removes all of the record sleeves off of their shelves and gets to work re alphabetizing them. Somewhere around noon she gets a reply.

**Angel:** _Well i’m alive but my stomach is very cross with me for missing breakfast. _

Crowley smiles at the thought of her angel apologizing profusely with her own stomach. 

_ I don’t think I've had breakfast in five years. I will have to make it up to your poor stomach then. _

**Angel: ** _ That’s the saddest thing I’ve heard all week :( You really don’t know what you’re missing darling. _

_ You’ll just have to convince me to wake up early one day then but it had better impress me. _

**Angel: ** _ You can trust me when I say I have great taste in food you’ll want to wake up early everyday. _

_ I like you when you’re cocky angel. _

**Angel: ** _ To be fair my dear you like me regardless . _

Madame Tracy watched her young apprentice smile at her phone at the table. The poor dear slept through the morning so she figured it was the least she could do was make her lunch. She had to be starved. As she moved around the kitchen gathering ingredients she peeked over at Zira. She knew full well what a smile like that meant. She adored seeing Zira happy. The girl certainly deserved to be. She sets a plate with a sandwich and a bowl of chicken noodle soup in front of Zira.

“Thank you this looks wonderful.” Zira smiles at her.

“Of course lovey. How was the show?” Tracy asks.

“I still don’t quite think it’s my sort of music but it was exhilarating watching the crowd get lost in it. Anathema got lots of great shots by the sound of it too.” Zira tells her.

“Well i’m glad you had a good time. Did anything else happen?” Tracy probes with a knowing smile.

Zira swirls her spoon around the bowl of soup. She stares at the liquid, her cheeks no doubt turning a bit pink.

“You really can read me like a book can’t you?” Zira questions.

“Well I’ve known you for nearly a decade now love.”

It was true. There was no one else in London that knew her as well as Madame Tracy did. Well really she knew Zira far better than her blood family did.

“Well after the show I had a nice chat with Crowley and she told me that she like me.” Zira starts.

“I could have told you that love and I really only met her once.” 

“Well I told her that I like her too and I may have kissed her.” Zira continues.

“Well I’m happy for you love.” Tracy tells her.

Crowley eventually calmed herself enough to sleep at least for a little while. She woke up around seven pm. Waking up at night was always a little disorienting even for her. The sound of her phone ringing. She dives across her bed to grab it off the nightstand to see Zira’s number lighting up the screen.

“Hello angel.” Crowley answers with.

“Hello my dear I hope I didn’t wake you.” she says.

“No I was up anyways.” 

It was technically true. She was already up but awake was up for debate.

“Well I gave some thought to a proper date idea.” Zira informs her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Well we’ve established that dinners are awful first dates besides you and I have eaten around each other plenty of times already. I was thinking it might be nice to spend a day at the Krew Gardens.” Zira suggests.

“That.. that really sounds nice. I’ve never been.” 

“Really? I was worried you had since you have a talent for plants. I’ve seen so many wonderful photos but could never find a day to go.” 

“Gives me a chance to impress you with my horticultural and botanical knowledge.” Crowley boasts.

She earns a chuckle from Zira. The sweet sound of it gave Crowley new propose to draw more out from her angel.

“Then maybe next time I can drag you to a few art galleries and bore you to tears with art history.” Zira jokes.

“Can’t wait.” 

They debate over the finer details for a bit. They decide to go on Tuesday. Zira would leave Tracy with the shop for the day. Weekends were hard since Crowley worked nights and napped during the day. Bee had left the week days free to give her staff a break. Crowley offers to drive them out to the garden. Zira suggested a few places along the dive they could stop for dinner afterwards which resulted in more banter about whether that counted as a dinner date. Zira won with her argument that the garden walk was the main event.

Crowley pulled up to the shop at precisely eleven Tuesday morning. She entered the open shop door flowers in hand to find Madame Tracy at the front desk, scribbling in a notebook. She looks up at the sound of the bell above the door dinging and smiles at the redhead.

“Good morning dear.” Tracy greets her.

“Morning Tracy, is Zira ready?” Crowley asks.

Crowley felt a little nervous. Even though she has had many conversations with Tracy at this point now felt different, like talking to her dates parent. 

“She better, she’s been fussing all morning.” Tracy tells her.

Tracy walks over to the stairs leading up to the flat and leans over the banister.

“Crowley’s here lovey.” Tracy calls up the stairs.

“Coming.” Zira’s voice calls back.

As Zira descends down the steps Crowley can't help staring at her. Zira had chosen to wear a pale blue dress leaving her neck and a little peek of her pale chest exposed. Up till now Crowley had never seen her without a button up and bow tie or high necked sweater.  _ This isn’t the 1800’s, it’s just skin. No need to get all worked up about it.  _ Zira fixes her cream colored cardigan from slipping off her shoulder and smiles at Crowley.

“Sorry for the wait my dear.” Zira tells her.

“S’nothing really. Ah, these are for you.” Crowley tells her, holding out the little collection of flowers.

Zira beams in delight at them. She takes them and admires them closer. They were a collection of pink roses. Red is too intense for the beginnings of a relationship where pink still showed affection in a more subtle way. A few musk and china roses were in the mix from the looks of it. Crowley’s way of saying she found Zira to beautiful and charming. Zira’s cheeks dust with their own shade of pink as she looks them over.

“They’re so beautiful Crowley. Thank you, my dear.” Zira gushes.

“I’ll put them in some water for you love.” Tracy offers.

Zira hands the flowers over to her. Tracy disappears off into the back of the shop. Zira walks closer to Crowley and places a soft, quick kiss to her cheek. 

“You look lovely as always by the way.” Zira tells her.

Zira had been admiring Crowley’s red sweater and most of all perfectly tailored black trousers, since she was walking down the stairs. Crowley nervously mumbles out a so are you.

“I like your dress. Blue suits you.” Crowley tells her. _Makes your eyes more brilliant._

“There we are.” Tracy says as she walks back to the desk, vase and flowers in hand.

“We’re going to head out now.” Zira tells her.

“Have fun dears.” Tracy smiles.

She watches the women leave the shop. She sees Crowley open the car door for Zira, how chivalrous. She decides as the Bentley drives off that her sweet little Aziraphale was in good hands. 

Zira was so enthralled watching Crowley’s face light up as they moved around the garden. It was far larger than Zira had expected. It would take days to see it all. They decided to just mosey around and see what they could till they got tired, or hungry. They walked through the the outdoor gardens before taking refuge in the conservatory. Crowley took a hold of Zira’s hand and lead her around the rooms, pointing out several plants along the way.

“Those there are bromeliads. They’re fascinating tropical plants. They are a flowering type that grows off of trees typically.” Crowley explains pointing out a few oddly spiky plants.

“They’re so colorful! They almost look like the top of a pineapple.” Zira comments.

“Pineapples are are part of the bromeliad family actually. Oh and those there air plants. They don’t need soil to grow due to a minimal root system. Sometimes they grow on tree branches, telephone wires, fences, wherever really.” Crowley adds, pointing out a smaller plant attached to a rock wall. It’s roots dangling down the rock. 

“Now are those bromeliads as well? They’re a bit spiky like the others.” Zira asks.

“They are.” 

They wandered into a room set up like a rain forest. Crowley worried for a moment about the humidity turning her hair into puffed out mess. That is till she noticed Zira staring up at the tall trees and thick greenery around them with such a look of wonder. Crowley could not help but to sneak a photo of her. She could tell Zira was not one for photos or selfies like Crowley was but she looked so beautiful in that moment Crowley had to capture it.

“What?” Zira asks, seeing Crowley smile at her phone.

Crowley holds out her phone to show her the photo. Zira makes at face at her.

“Oh, Crowley really?” She protests.

“What? I think you look ethereal, like an angel in the garden of Eden.” Crowley tells her.

Zira could feel the blush on her cheeks as she looks at the photo properly. A stream of light from the glass ceiling had shone over her, her hair looked almost like it was glowing from the bright light. It oddly enough looked like a halo behind her as she looked up at the canopy above her. 

“I can delete it if you really want.” Crowley offers.

“No it’s okay. Keep it.” Zira tells her.

Crowley smiles in victory and re pockets her phone. They eventually find a little exhibit on carnivorous plants. Crowley gleefully tells Zira that they were her favorite plants of all time.

“Violent plants?” Zira questions.

“It’s more that the defense systems of plants are fascinating to me. Plants seem like such weak things, they for the most part do not move and are often perceived to be completely defenseless to being eaten. In reality there's plants that produce toxins to make predators ill, they’ll grow thick thorns and spikes, and in these guys cases they actually become the predator themselves. It’s exciting to see them fight back a little, you know?” Crowley explains.

“Yes I think I can quite relate to that, when you put it that way.” 

Most her life people saw Zira as soft. Mistook her kindness and calm demeanor as weakness. Most found it surprising when she stood up for herself or others as if she were incapable of it. Perhaps Crowley could see that in her like with the plants. Zira listened happily as Crowley explained how each of the plants caught their prey, usually some sort of insect. As if one cue Zira’s stomach started to grumble. 

The pair decide to to try out the restaurant that did a full afternoon tea. The whole ordeal of it was right up Zira’s alley and it happened in be in view of the palm house which pleased Crowley. Zira chose a simple green tea for herself while Crowley ordered a jasmine. They each picked a few of the finger sandwiches, trading around after tasting the different varieties. The scones were bar far Zira’s favorite part. 

One their ride back to the shop Zira relished in the happy feeling the day left her with. It had been quite a wonderful time, she was admissible a little sad it would be over soon. As if someone was listening to her it started to rain. Crowley peered at the overcast sky and grimaced. *+s/

“We’ll have to make a run for it.” Crowley says as she pulls up to the shop.

Zira braces herself before nodding. The two share a look before exiting the car and booking it to the shop door. Crowley being a bit faster, puts a hand on Ziras back and pulls her along safely into the shop. Zira laughs taking a look at the two of them, soaked already from the short run. 

“Oh dear! Look at you two! Come on up stairs let’s get you both warm and dry.” Tracy gasps and rushes over to them.

“You don’t have to worry about me, I don’t want to trouble you.” Crowley starts to protest.

“Nonsense. You’ll go nowhere except up stairs to sit by the fire and dry off. The rain will let up soon enough.” Tracy insists. 

Tracy leads the way up the stairs. Zira takes Crowley’s hand with a smile and leads her up behind Tracy. Zira assists Tracy in lighting the fireplace. Once the fire was lit the pair take seats in front of it. After a few minutes Tracy enters the room with two tea cups.

“Here you are dear.” She says handing them each a cup.

“Thank you.” Zira tells her.

“I’ll be downstairs if need anything.” 

Once they were alone Zira scooted closer to Crowley and rests her head on the redheads shoulder. Crowley wraps an arm around her waist. Zira sighs contently as she watches the flames dance around. 

“Today was wonderful.” Zira says.

Crowley hummed in agreement.

“Definitely a great suggestion Angel.”

They sit silently watching the fire. The pair content to just be in each others company. The warmth from the fire and Crowley's body made Zira’s eyes grow tired. She fought the heaviness in her eyes but lost. It took Crowley a while to notice Zira had fallen asleep on her. Her calm even breaths were definitely a tell as was the angels weight pressing against her fully. Crowley just held onto her tighter and let her sleep for a while.

By Thursday the group decide to meet up at the book shop. Anathema was ready to show them the finished photos from the weekend. Zira and Crowley agreed to not mention their date to Anathema just yet. whatever they were was such a new change that they thought it best not to make a big thing about it.

“The next few are all from our resident dragon woman’s performance.” Anathema tells them.

She had her laptop set up in Zira’s kitchen as she scrolled through the photos. There were tons of photos of the crowd dancing and the bands in action. Crowley grimaced in preparation for her performance. She loved to take photos but looking at herself bothered her, especially when she was performing. 

“These are so amazing!” Zira gushes.

Crowley makes a noise of disagreeing and doubt.

“My dear you have never looked more bad ass.” Zira tells her.

Crowley cracks a smile.

“Angel that sounds so odd coming from your mouth.” Crowley tells her with a chuckle.

“Well you do.”

As Anathema scrolls through the rest of the photos Crowley's phone goes off. She reads the message and sighs.

“Lilith locked herself out and her sister is out of town. I gotta go let her in. She’s lucky I still have their key.” Crowley tells her friends.

“No biggie. I’ll send these off to your boss tonight.” Anathema tells her.

Crowley nods.

“Thank’s I’ll ring her later.” 

Crowley brushes a hand across Zira’s shoulder as she leaves. Zira smiles at the sensation and turns her attention back to Anathema’s computer. Anathema stops scrolling at looks at Zira.

“What is it?” Zira questions.

“You know you can tell me anything right?” Anathema asks.

“Of course I do.” 

“Then tell me about Crowley.” She says.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Zira insists.

“Oh please, I could see you two making eyes at each other and grinning like idiots.” Anathema tells her.

Zira flushes they had been found out so quickly.

“Oh, alright. After the show Saturday Crowley confessed that she fancies me and I feel the same towards her so I told her. We kissed and on Tuesday we went out to Krew Gardens togethers.” Zira explains.

“Knew it.” Anathema says and turns back to her computer. 

“As in we are obvious or as you “knew” knew?” Zira questions.

“Well you both obviously like each other but I knew you’d end up talking to each other about it because Agnes said you would.” Anathema tells her.

Good old Agnes Nutter, Anathema’s ancestor. She was the first witch in their family and was burned at the stake for her prophecies. From then on Anathema’s family studied Agnes’ predictions well, not that Anathema would ever tell anyone what they said. 

“Agnes really wrote about me and Crowley?” Zira asks.

“Yes, I befriended you because Agnes said I would. The moment I walked into your shop and saw you I knew you were the one she spoke of.” Anathema tells her.

“So did Agnes say what happens with Crowley and I?” Zira asks knowing full well Anathema would not give her a satisfactory answer.

“Yes but you know I can’t tell you. As a friend I can say that I think you two are good for each other.”

“Well thank you my dear, I certainly hope so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so cute I hate them lol. Shout out to my mom the plant technician for nerding out about plants around me for years so I can put it in a fan fiction😂


	9. Swan dive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley makes a realization and struggles to understand her feelings and seeks the advice of her friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a bit of a time skip here. As much as I'd love to write 1000 chapters of these two dumb love birds going on dates I have lots of big plans for them that I want to get too. I can't wait for you all to read it! For now enjoy this short but sweet chapter. Next up is their first Christmas together.

The weeks following their garden date Zira drug Crowley around to nearly every museum in London. Crowley listened to Zira gush about history and art till she was blue in the face because she loved seeing the angel be so passionate about the world. Zira expressed her emotions so beautifully and Crowley could feel herself even mimicking her subconsciously, Zira was certainly infectious in the best way. They peppered in a few dinners out as well despite their ongoing debate over whether dinner was an acceptable date or not. 

The bookshop never went a day without fresh flowers decorating the front desk. Whenever a handcrafted bouquet wilted they were quickly and quietly replaced by Crowley, as a surprise for Zira. She spent her work days admiring them in between customers. Crowley would bring her other little gifts as well. Crowley would always shrug and say they simply reminded her of Zira or that the angel just had to own them. There were a few old books Crowley had rescued from thrift shops and a white mug with angel wings for a handle. It quickly became Zira’s favorite coco mug.

Crowley’s favorite days, however, were when they hung around the shop. They would sit on the couch together. Usually Zira would read while Crowley sprawled out, using Zira’s lap as a pillow, and nap. The comfort-ability and contentment in those nights were calming to Crowley. It was nice to just exist around each other with no pressure or expectations. The pair simply enjoyed each others company.

Zira was grateful for it too, true to her word Crowley was patient. She let Zira take the lead. Out in public Zira would be the one who would take Crowley’s hand or give other affectionate touches. Crowley always reciprocated she just did not want to push Zira too far. In private, however, Crowley would occasionally reach out for her but always with a hint of nervousness. Kissing was a Zira initiated act. She had a habit of asking beforehand till Crowley convinced her that it was more than okay to just do it whenever she wanted. They were together after all. 

It was hard at first to find time for each other, with Crowley’s work and sleep schedule, but soon enough Zira had become part of her routine. Even if they could not meet in person they would text or talk over the phone everyday. Those conversations were Crowley’s favorite part of the day. It dawned on her how all consuming Zira had become in her life one particular night while setting up the bar with Dagon.

“Hello, earth to Red!” She hears Lilith’s voice call out through the radio.

Crowley snaps out of her thoughts. She was remembering the feeling of Zira’s hands in her hair. Earlier in the week Zira had begged Crowley to let her braid her hair. Zira loved Crowley’s hair and she had a hard time denying her angel of anything. She grabs her radio off of the counter.

“What?” She barks into the radio. _ Damn her for interrupting my pleasant memory. _

“I’ve been calling for you for like five minutes.” 

Had she really? Crowley swore she had not heard her.

“I had my radio turned down.” Crowley lies.

“I’m up on the catwalk I’ve been watching you stare at a glass for ten minutes straight.” Lilith tells her.

Crowley peers up in the ceiling and sure enough Lilith’s blonde head stood out up near one of the stage lights.

“What the hell are you doing up there?” Crowley questions.

“Not important. What’s going on with you?” Lilith questions back.

“Just thinking. Did you need something Lil or are you just wasting my time?”

“Well then you’ve been thinking real hard a lot lately is all.” 

“Little sister, bother her on your time. We have work to do.” Dagon’s voice snaps through the radio. 

The radio fell silent after that. Crowley breathed a sigh of relief. Had she really been that distracted? How many work nights had she zoned off like that, that she had not noticed? It was a little scary to have a single person occupy her thoughts like this. She had never experienced anything like it. She did not notice Dagon walk in from the storage room either. Dagon in an instant is at her side.

“Hey, you okay?” Dagon asks, nudging Crowley's shoulder with her own. 

“I...I don’t know.” she says honestly.

“You look like you’re panicking. Want to talk it out?” Dagon suggests.

“I...Zira and I started seeing each other. Happened right after Grunge Fest. We spend a lot of time together but even when we’re not I think about her. I don’t think I'm never not thinking about her. I don’t know what’s happening to me Dag, I’ve never been like this before.” Crowley spews out.

“Well you’re right I’ve never seen you hung up on a girl before but it sounds like to me that you’re just in love, mate.” Dagon tells her, shrugging her shoulders.

Dagon watches Crowley go pale and grimaces.

“Go out back and take some deep breaths, before you vomit on my floor. I’ll cover with Bee just be back by door opening.” Dagon instructs.

Crowley nods and prays her shaky legs would carry her out to the alley without collapsing from under her. The bitter bite of the cold air out in the alley was welcomed. Crowley felt hot and a little nauseous. She paced up and down the alley as her mind raced. 

Love? That couldn’t be right. Her and Zira had only been going out for just shy of two months. When did people typically fall in love? They also had not really discussed what they were, not that labels matted much to Crowley. Zira had asked to take it slow and love was a heavy stomp on the accelerator. She certainly could not tell Zira, it would scare her off, but Crowley doubted she could hide it from her. Dagon and Lilith had noticed her acting differently for someone's sake. Zira would be able to read her in a second. 

She could not just avoid Zira. That was out of the question. It would kill her to not have the angels company and besides that would just send out an even bigger flag that something was wrong. Not that being in love was wrong, just different for Crowley. It was certainly terrifying, if pacing around a dirty alley while thinking a mile a minute was not a giveaway to Crowley’s panic.

Weekends were rare for her to see Zira due to work. That gave her time to think and calm down. Perhaps it would help to talk to someone more experienced with love? She racked her brain for who she could talk to. Her friend group was quite small and she had no family. The only person she knew who was in a long term relationship was Anathema. She could do. She already knew about their relationship so it would save time explaining. 

Three clicks echoes out from the radio. The warning call that the doors were about to open. Crowley takes one last calming breath and re enters the building. Yes, she decides, Anathema would do.

Later that night Crowley flung herself onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. Damn Dagon for putting the idea into her head. She was right or at least Crowley thought she was right. It still put her out of sorts for the rest of the night. Dagon thankfully left it be and silently picked up Crowley's slack all night. She would have to something to pay her back. She also successfully avoided Lilith, after the show Lilith was too wrapped in chatting up the band to worry about Crowley. 

She kicks off her shoes and tosses them off somewhere as well as her pants and jacket. She laid back against her pillows and tried to tune out her overactive thoughts. The sound of her phone buzzing. She sighs and leans over the side of her bed to dig it out from her jacket pocket.

**Angel: ** _ have you made it home yet? _

Zira had by now had learned when Crowley typically got home for work. The angel suffered from random bouts of Insomnia that kept her awake all night. They would make the best of it by chatting on those nights since Crowley was usually up anyways. Crowley dials her number and Zira picks up quickly. 

“Hey Angel, couldn’t sleep?” Crowley asks once Zira picked up.

“No i’m afraid the insomnia has won tonight.” Zira confirms, sounding a bit tired.

“Damn insomnia.” Crowley curses

Zira chuckles.

“How was work darling?” Zira asks.

“Far too long.” Crowley complains.

“You can go to sleep if you’re too tired.” 

“Nah, it’s okay. Talk to me till I fall asleep?” Crowley requests.

“Of course. I can read to you if you like.” 

“Please.”

Crowley could listen to Zira talk for ages. Zira went into Dorian Gray, of course she did. Crowley picked up on the angels obsession with Wilde early on. Her soft voice worked like a charm to calm her nerves and lull her to sleep. That night she dreamed of Zira, smiling down at her. They were sat under a tree. The sun warmed Crowley’s face and a light breeze blew through Zira’s hair.

Crowley rolled out of bed around 10 the next morning, far earlier than she wanted. She sends off a quick message to Anathema asking if she was home before pulling herself out of bed. 

**Angel** : _ Good morning darling, I trust you slept well based on your snores last night. _

_ I do not snore. I won’t stand for my reputation being tarnished :/ _

**Angel: ** _ When have I ever lied to you my dear? Besides I think it’s cute. I guess I shouldn’t tell you that you also talk in your sleep. _

Crowley nearly dropped her phone into her bathroom sink at that. Her stomach knotted up as she panicked over what she could have possibly said in her sleep. 

_ Please tell me you’re kidding…… _

**Angel: ** _ I could tell you but where's the fun in that? :D _

_ It’s not nice to tease people angel, fine but I’ll get back at you for this. _

**Angel: ** _ Do your worst my dear. _

For an angel Zira Fell could be a real bastard when she wanted to be but Crowley loved her all the same. Love…..

“Right, Anathema.” she remembers.

She had a message from the young witch, she was home. Crowley tugged on suitable leaving the house clothes and left her flat. Anathema answered her door after three knocks.

“Oh hello Crowley, what do I owe the pleasure?” She asks.

“Do you have a minute? I need help with something.” Crowley requests.

“You seem troubled, please come in.” 

Crowley steps into the apartment, walks a few steps before pivoting to look at Anathema.

“When did you know you were in love with Newton?” She asks, nervously brushing a hand through her hair.

“Oh well that’s a story that needs a bit of context. I knew who I would eventually end up with thanks to Agnes but all I had to go on were vague details. When I met Newt he fit her description perfectly. I thought it unfair to him to dump that all on him so I became his friend and let him come to me first about dating. Once we did it seemed natural to love him. He’s sweet and accepting of my family.” Anathema tells her.

“So it’s not unusual to fall in love early on?” Crowley questions.

“Well there’s no real standard time for something like that. Some people fall in love instantly when they meet someone, some people take a few months and some even take years. Of course some people don’t experience romantic love at all. Everyone is different.” Anathema explains.

“Yeah s’pouse that makes sense.”

“This is about Zira, right?” Anathema guesses.

Crowley nods a little shaky and swallows back some of her nervousness.

“I….I ah, I’ve never really felt about some one like I do her.” Crowley tries to explain.

“Love is scary at first only because it’s such an intense emotion but it’s a good one. You just have to remind yourself that it’s a good thing. I do have to say as Zira’s friend that I do have one reservation, she’s been through a lot and it left her very guarded. She’s terrified of being hurt again so she’s hesitant to let people in. You’ve managed to do wonders with her so far.” 

“I know and that’s what scares me too. I don’t want to be too intense too fast and overwhelm her and scare her off.” Crowley confesses.

“Take it slow with her. Ease her into it just don’t completely keep it from her. Then you’re denying yourself too. Look I can help you plant the seeds in her head, get her used to the idea, so when you’re ready to tell her it won’t be such a shock.” Anathema offers.

“You’d do that?”

“Of course. You’re both my friends. I want you to be happy.” 

“Thanks, this ah, this helped.”

“Anytime. Just know that if you ever do hurt her in anyway I can very easily switch to being a dark witch. Zira would be worth it.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Crowley promises.

A shiver when down her spine at Anathema’s threat. She thanked her lucky stars that she remembered to wear her glasses, best not show the fear. She returned to her own flat after that and paced around for a bit. She eventually flips on her television as a distraction. She gets sucked into a Golden Girls marathon that helps calm her nerves and pass the time. 

A few days late Zira invites Crowley over to try out a new red wine Tracy had brought home. Crowley happily agrees to it. Alcohol would help keep her level and not immediately send off alarm bells to Zira. They sat in the small upstairs living room and chatted about their weekends. Crowley bit her tongue to not blurt out ‘_ well I realized that I'm madly, hopelessly in love with you at work’ . _After a glass and half Crowley could feel herself ease into a blissful calm. 

“You know when you think about plants are really just harvesting us instead of the other way round.” Crowley says.

Zira looks at her quizzically over her glass.

“How so?”

“They provide us with oxygen to to live and when we die we decompose and help the plants grow more. They raise us essentially so we can help them survive.” Crowley explains.

Zira stares at her for a moment in silence. She opens her mouth to respond a few times but to no avail.

“I...You know you have a point.” She says finally.

“I’m a thinker angel.” Crowley says tapping against her head.

Zira rolls her eyes and laughs. They fall into a natural silence, not an awkward one by any means. It did however give Crowley’s alcohol fueled mind wander. _ It’s a little strange to be in love with someone you’re not even 100% certain you’re dating. _ Of course they were, right? It did not need to be said explicitly for it to be true. _ If you say so. _Crowley tried to shake off the nagging thoughts. She looks over to Zira. The angel had her head leaned back against the armchair, eyes shut, and a happy sort of smile on her face. Before Crowley could stop herself she opens her mouth.

“Zira, What are we? What am I to you?” Crowley asks.

“My girlfriend of course.” Zira responds without missing a beat.

Crowley was grateful Zira’s eyes were still closed and could not see the spread of red painting over her face. _ There you got your answer! _Crowley considered for a moment trying to burrow into the sofa she was lounging on. 

“Right yeah, of course.” Crowley mumbles out.

“Though I suppose we could use the term partners if you prefer.” Zira adds.

She said it as if it were a perfectly commonplace conversation. As if they were discussing what to pick up at the market. _ See? It was not such a big deal. _Crowley mentally hissed at herself.

“I think I rather like partners myself. It’s a more mature term and makes us more of a team.” Zira tells her.

“Yeah, me too.” Crowley agrees.

She grabs a pillow and holds it tight to her face.  _ She wants us to be a team!  _ If Crowley were alone she no doubt would end up making some sort of embarrassing noise like giddy teenage girl. 

“Are you okay, my dear?” Zira asks.

Crowley removes the pillow to see Zira looking at her concerned.

“Oh ah yeah, s’the alcohol hitting me I think.” Crowley quickly covers.

“Yes I suppose we did drink a good bit.” Zira agrees. “You’ll just have to stay here tonight. I can’t in good consciousness let you drive home.” 

“Long as you don’t tease me about snoring again.” Crowley jokes.

“I already told you my dear, it’s cute!” Zira insists.

“If you say so.” Crowley mumbles. “Can you tell me what I said in my sleep the other night?” She asks.

“Oh alright, It’s nothing to worry over. You said my name, which made me think you were still awake till I heard soft snores. The rest was all gibberish.” Zira tells her.

“Well that’s still a little embarrassing.” 

“I thought it was sweet. I have dreams about you too. You know.” 

“Oh really?” Crowley grins with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.

“Oh don’t be crude.” Zira scolds her.

Crowley just chuckles.

“M’just teasing you angel.” 

“I think it’s time for you to get to bed. I’ll let you sleep in mine.I’ll stay out here.” Zira tells her.

“I can’t put you out of your bed.” Crowley argues.

“You can and you will. I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately anyways. No sense in me taking a bed I won’t use.” Zira retorts.

“Fine but you’ll have to help me up. This couch is far to comfy.” Crowley requests.

Zira lifts herself off the chair, setting her now empty glass on the table. Crowley reaches a hand out and Zira takes it. She tugs Crowley up to a sitting position. Zira wraps an arm around her partners waist and helps her up off of the couch. In actuality Crowley could have walked just fine on her own but she liked having her angel close. Zira walks Crowley back into her bedroom. 

She sets Crowley down to sit on the edge of her small bed. Crowley watches her rummage through the dresser. 

“Here these will be more comfortable to sleep in.” Zira tells her handing over a tee shirt and pajama pants. 

“Thanks, angel.” 

Without a moment of hesitation. Crowley pulls her own shirt off over her head. Zira blushes in an instant and turns her head to look away. She still managed to catch sight of Crowley’s stunning freckles that blanketed her arms and dusted her chest.

“Crowley!” Zira squeaks.

“What?” She questions, pulling Zira’s shirt over her head.

She practically swam in it but it smelled like vanilla and roses, like Zira. 

“You could have waited.” Zira scolds.

Crowley shrugs, emboldened by the alcohol yet again.

“Just a torso angel. Nothing to get all worked up over.” She teases.

“Yes well I suppose I’m just a bit more modest than you are.” Zira defends.

Crowley reaches behind her and fiddles with the fastens on her bra and shimmies if off under Zira’s shirt and discards it on the floor. 

“I hope you don’t mind but I much prefer sleeping bottomless.” Crowley tells her as she attempts to wiggle out of her tight black pants.

Zira makes another surprised squeak but as Crowley's jeans slide down her thighs, Zira is mesmerized. Crowley had a tattoo of a black snake wrapped around her upper thigh. The reptiles head resting above her knee. It had flecks of red peeking out on its belly and bright golden eyes much like Crowley’s own. 

“See something you like angel?” Crowley asks coyly.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo. It’s stunning.” Zira tells her.

It was Crowley’s turn to blush a little.

“Thanks. I ah, I got it done when I was eighteen and rebellious. I forget I have it most of the time.” Crowley tells her.

“Was it painful? I imagine it took a long time to finish.” 

“It was only bad for me since I’m all skin and bones. Took the guy four sessions to finish. He touches up the color every now and again for me. Yellow tends to fade.” Crowley answers.

“Have you always liked reptiles then?” Zira asks.

“I guess yeah. I relate to ‘em I spouse. We both hate the cold for starters.” Crowley answers simply.

“They’re also often misunderstood. People fear snakes and think they look scary and dangerous but in reality they just want to be left be and survive.” Zira adds.

“That too I guess.”

“Well I find them lovely and quite sweet.” Zira tells her.

Crowley knew full well she wasn’t talking about snakes and lizards anymore. Crowley looks down at her bare legs, failing to stop herself from blushing harder.

“Hey, ah angel?” 

“Yes?”

“Could you… you you stay with me till I fall asleep? Your voice helps me sleep.” Crowley requests, still looking down.

“Of course, my dear. Make yourself comfortable. I’m going to change and be right back in a jiff.” Zira instructs her.

Zira leaves the room. Crowley flopped back onto the bed and covers her face with her hands. Someone help her. She was surrounded by the smell of Zira. It was like being snuggled up next to her. Soon she actually would be. They had cuddled on couches together plenty of time but this was different. She was surprised the angel even agreed to the more intimate act.  _ You're just sleeping in the same bed, get your head of the gutter.  _

She sighs and slides over to the far side of the bed. She throws back the tartan, of course it was, duvet and tucks herself under it. Zira’s pillow was incredibly soft like sleeping on a cloud. It was a shame the angel could not sleep because her bed was perfectly designed to make anyone fall asleep. Crowley worried she might not ever want to leave it’s comfy confines.

Zira returned to the room, shutting the door behind her. She was dressed in an old school night gown that Crowley did not know even still was made. It was so charmingly old fashioned much like Zira herself and Crowley adored it. Zira slides under the covers next to Crowley, who rolls onto her side to face the angel. Their feet brush each other briefly.

“Good lord, you’re freezing!” Zira gasps.

“Told you, ‘m a snake.” Crowley murmurs, eyes and voice heavy with sleep.

Zira pulls her closer. Crowley wraps her arms around the angel and nestles her head against her chest. Zira felt almost like Crowley really was a snake wrapping itself around her trying to steal her warmth. Zira lets her and just holds her, playing gently with one of her red curls. 

“Good night Darling.” Zira whispers to her.

“G’night angel.”


	10. Christmas eve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zira battles with nightmares. Crowley and Zira spend Christmas eve together and exchange gifts. I decided to split Christmas eve and Christmas.

Zira woke in a cold sweat, her heart pounding. It had been a long time since she had nightmares. She had a theory as to why they suddenly reared their ugly heads again. It has been quite a long time since she let herself fall for another person as well. Not that she blamed Crowley for her nightmares, not at all. It was more that being in a relationship again drug up old and bad feelings. 

She felt a little guilty for not telling Crowley the real reason for her insomnia. It was more than just run of the mill stress and anxiousness. The night Crowley stayed over had been the best Zira slept in weeks. She told Crowley so the morning after. Crowley jokingly suggested that they ‘sleep together’ more often then cracked a crude joke. It however did lead to more sleepovers. Most were at the shop on Crowley’s insistence that Zira’s bed was far more comfortable. Zira however did get Crowley to cave eventually.

Zira had been to Crowley's flat a few times. Crowley had brought down all of her plants from the slightly illegal rooftop garden into the flat. As they walked in Zira beams at the sight of the scattered plants all over the small flat. It was like walking into a miniature Krew garden. 

“Now don’t go spoiling them with compliments or they’ll never listen to me again.” Crowley warns her.

“Oh hush I know when you ‘throw them off the roof’ you really just go down to the alley and recover them just to re plant them in Hyde Park.” Zira retorts.

Crowley hushes her in a loud panicked shush.

“Don’t say that out loud! Crimeney angel there’ll be a whole revolt now.” Crowley complains.

“You can restore order later, come let's eat our takeaway before it’s cold.” 

Crowley drops it for now and grabs some forks from the kitchen before joining Zira in the living room. The angel had laid out their Chinese takeaway fest out on the coffee table. Crowley watches Zira as they dig into their food as she typically did. Tonight however her angel was not eating with her usual enthusiasm, in fact she looked quite exhausted. 

“Did you get any sleep at all this weekend?” Crowley asks.

“Hmm? oh , no not really.” Zira confirms.

“You look like you’re about to pass out in your rice angel.” Crowley comments. “Has it been getting worse?” She asks.

“Possibly. It could be with Christmas coming up soon. I love Christmas but it’s hard for me, you know?” Zira tells her.

“I get it. I hate the holidays myself. They’ve never been particularly good for me.” 

“I….I also have been having recurring nightmares lately. I used to have them a lot when I first moved up here but I’ve been doing better for the last several years. Till now that is.” Zira confesses.

“Oh angel, I’m so sorry.” 

Crowley had a sad sort of frown on her face. She sets down her food container and slides closer to Zira on the couch. The angel rests her head on Crowley’s shoulder and Crowley wraps an arm around her.

“You can talk to me about it you know? If you want.” Crowley tells her.

“I know, I'm sorry I haven’t. I foolishly thought they would just stop on their own. The most common one I have is being out of my body and watching myself sit in silence as my father yells. I can’t hear anything he's saying but he’s angry, furious really. It’s more of a memory I suppose. I can not recall a word my father said to me that day I was too numb emotionally. Other times is just walking about my old village and feeling eyes on me or hushed whispers coming from everywhere.” Zira explains to her.

“That’s the shittiest part of PTSD you can’t control when and how it’ll affect you. You said you went to therapy for a while, right? Did it help?” Crowley asks.

“It did. If this keeps up then I might consider going back. I found talking it out helped me a lot.” Zira answers.

“Well in the meantime if you have one let me know. I can’t do much but I’m happy to just stay up with you so you don’t feel alone.” Crowley offers.

“Thank you darling, you really are too good to me you know.” Zira tells her.

She shifts her head to smile up at Crowley. Crowley looks away shyly.

“Ngk, that’s debatable.” 

“Says you but I'll gladly defend my position any day till you realize I'm right.”

“You usually are ya pain in the arse.” Crowley grumbles.

Zira chuckles.

“Does that mean I win?” She asks.

“For now.”

“I have seen you make many threats now my dear, are you planning on ever delivering on them any time soon?” Zira teases.

“You’re really asking for it angel and so close to Christmas too.” Crowley picks back.

“What do you think we should do for Christmas anyways? What do you usually do?” Zira inquires.

“Well Lilith loves Christmas so when I lived with them she’d make her sister and I watch awful Christmas movies. Dagon and I would drink and see who passed out first. The loser had to sing carols with Lilith. Recently I’ll stop by to see them and call it a day. What about you?” Crowley explains.

“Well Tracy and I always decorate the flat. Christmas morning we’ll exchange gifts and bring over some to Mr. Shadwell. Then we’ll cook a big dinner for the three of us. Christmas eve I like snuggle up in front of the fire place with a mug of coco and wrap presents for Tracy.” Zira tells her.

“Sounds nice.” Crowley remarks.

“Would you like to spend Christmas with us? Even if you don’t care for the holiday.” Zira offers.

“You care about it though and I care about you so yeah I’d love too.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh, thank you Crowley! I’ll make sure you have fun.” Zira promises her.

“Long as I’m with you I’ll be happy, angel.”

Zira blushes and snuggles up closer to her. That night was wonderfully nightmare free.

A week before Christmas Anathema strolls into the bookshop. She finds Zira sat at the desk reading through a book. Zira looks up at the sound of the bell chime and smiles at her friend. She closes her book.

“Hello my dear, how is the packing going?” Zira asks.

“I’ve been packed but Newt is convinced he’s going to forget something even though I’ve told him a hundred times that he can just get anything he needs in California.” She reports.

“Poor dear must be nervous to leave the country. Are you nervous at all for him to meet your family?” 

“I was at first but he already accepts that my family are witches and besides my mother knows Agnes's prophecies even better than I do and she’s quite excited to meet him.” She answers.

“Must be nice to have those predictions to help guide you through life.” Zira says.

“It helps but I wish I had a little mystery. How about you? Any plans for Christmas?” Anathema inquires.

“Well, Crowley agreed to spend the holiday with us even though she understandably hates the holiday.” Zira tells her.

“That’s great. I’m glad you two have been doing well. I have to admit I've been a little worried about you.” Anathema tells her.

“Whatever for?” Zira asks.

“Well I just worry since you’ve been avoiding relationships for a long time and I didn’t want to see you get hurt.” She explains.

“I appreciate you looking out for me my dear, but I’m honestly okay. Crowley has been so wonderfully patient with me and so sweet. Oh, Anathema I haven’t been this happy in a long time.” Zira practically gushes.

Anathema smiles.

“That’s great Zira. I know for a fact that Crowley really cares about you so it’s silly for me to worry.” 

“Did she tell you that?” Zira questions.

“Maybe. She’s new at this too and needed advice to sort out and understand her feelings. She’s crazy about you.” Anathema tells her.

“Oh, well great. I’m quite mad for her as well.” Zira says, her face starting to get a little hot.

“Just don’t you two go and run off and elope while I’m gone! I fully expect to be at your wedding.” Anathema teases.

“Like I would ever do something so impulsive! Don’t you have to go help Newt pack?” Zira stammers, flustered.

Anathema chuckles.

“Yes, yes. I’ll message you when we get in to Cali.” 

**Christmas **

Crowley ran into the shop as quickly as she could through the few inches of snow already on the ground, dodging snowflakes as she went. She mumbled curses against the cold wind and shut the shop door behind her as fast as her frozen fingers would allow. Zira trots down the stairs to greet her. She sees Crowley shivering and the flakes of unmelted snow in her hair.

“Oh Darling come in, let's get you upstairs in front of the fire.” Zira says ushering her farther into the shop.

“Blasted winter, damn snow.” Crowley grumbles.

Zira just smiles and grabs the bag from her hands. It looked to be full of wrapped, albeit a little poorly, presents.

“No peeking at those!” Crowley warns.

“They’re wrapped dear, I couldn’t if I wanted too.” Zira argues.

Zira guides her freezing partner up the stairs. She found it cute that the cold made her so irritable and was beginning to think Crowley really was secretly a reptile. She sets the presents down by the lighted tree, removes Crowley’s jacket and sits her down in front of the fire. Crowley gives her a grateful smile and starts warming her hands closer to the fire.

“Crowley’s here.” Zira announced as she enters the kitchen.

“I thought all that grumbling had to be her.” Tracy jokes.

“Here bring her some tea.” Tracy says, pouring out some into two cups.

“Thanks this should do the trick.” 

A steaming cup suddenly appears, held out in front of her. She looks up to Zira and takes the cup.

“Thanks Angel.”

“Tracy made it. Said it’ll defrost you a bit.”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Really now you were only outside for less than a minute.” Zira teases.

“Still too long.” Crowley insists.

“Girls, I’m going to pop next door for a bit.” Tracy informs the duo, walking into the living room.

“Okay.” Zira tells her.

“Thanks for the tea.” Crowley adds.

“Of course love. Thank you for spending the holiday with us. We’re happy to have you.” Tracy says.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Tracy gives the couple a beaming smile before heading down the steps. Crowley waits till she hears the door down stairs open and close before turning to Zira. 

“Hey angel?”

“Hmm?”

“If it’s okay. I’d like to give you your present tonight. It’s less embarrassing without an audience.” Crowley requests. 

“Of course. I think I like that idea anyways.” Zira tells her.

“Great. I ah, I guess I’ll go first then.” Crowley nervously mumbles. 

Crowley leans over and grabs the bag of presents. She fishes out Zira’s Present and hands it over to her with a slightly shaky hand. From the day Zira asked her to come to Christmas she knew what she was going to give her. She just prayed to anyone who would listen that Zira would accept it. Zira smiles down at the rectangular shaped gift. 

“Before you open it, I ah want to explain a little. You don’t know this about me but I have a tendency to hold onto things. Some people would say I'm borderline a hoarder or that it’s my way of coping with abandonment issues.” Crowley starts to explains.

“I prefer the term collector for myself honestly. You’ve seen my room Crowley. I hoard books and antiques.” Zira reminds her.

“So you understand. But that’s what kind of lead to me making this.” Crowley tells her.

Zira nods and starts to unwrap her gift. Under the paper she find a notebook of sorts. It was bound by soft brown leather and held closed by a leather tie. She looks at Crowley curiously, her partner was terribly nervous. She decides not to let Crowley agonize any longer and opens the book. The first thing she's greeted with it a date written up at the top from September. Under it is printed out screen shot of a text message conversation.

**Witch: ** _ Meet up at Long’s Cafe? _

_ I’ll be there. _

It dawned on Zira then that the conversation was about the first time Zira met Crowley in person. The next page had a receipt from the cafe and drawing next to it. A few sketches of their food from the lunch, one of Zira smiling and one of her blue eyes.

“I was doomed from the minute I looked into your bright eyes.” Crowley tells her.

Zira blushes and her heart flutters. She turns the page to find more cafe receipts and sketches of food, Zira, and even Tracy’s flowers from their brunch. 

“Watching you eat made me so strangely jealous of pasties.” Crowley jokes with a nervous laugh.

The page had a pasted wine bottle label, the one they drank the night Crowley helped her organize the shop. There was a doodle of a cartoon angel next to it.

“That was one of the best night’s I've had in a long time. I always thought you were beautiful like an angel but that night I learned that you just really are and angel.” 

The next two pages held a ticket stub for Grunge Fest and a drawing version of their kiss in front of the book shop. The way Crowley drew her made her look so striking. The scene was just as dreamy wonderful as she remembered it. 

“When you kissed me at the bar I panicked because I realized then how badly I wanted you to. I didn’t think I could live without you doing it again.”

After that came a ticket stub for the krew gardens and the photo Crowley took of Zira. Crowley had sketched in a golden halo about Zira’s head. Ticket stubs from every museum they went to flowed after with various pressed flowers from each bouquet Crowley brought her. 

“I’ve seen every painting and sculpture in London but none of them could ever compare to you.” 

At this point Zira had a hard time seeing the pages. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She attempts to wipe them away but they inevitably start falling down her cheeks. Crowley looks at her concerned.

“Tell me those are good tears angel.” Crowley requests on the verge of begging.

“Yes, yes of course they are my Darling. This is so wonderful Crowley, this is the best book I've ever read.” Zira gushes between shaky breaths. 

“And it doesn’t even have words.” Crowley jokes letting go of her nervousness with a sigh. 

“It doesn’t need to.” 

“I figured we could fill the rest of it together.” 

“I’d love that. Though I can’t draw any where as lovely as you.” Zira says.

“S’alright. You haven’t gotten to the second part of the gift.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh my, Crowley I don’t think my heart can take much more.” Zira gasps.

“Hang on just a bit more angel.”

Crowley flips to the back of the book where a small key slid out onto the floor. Zira picks it up and inspects it.

“I come and go here all the time so I wanted you to feel welcome to do so at mine’s.” Crowley explains.

Zira barely hears her. She stares at the single red rose etched into the metal of the key. _Love_. The whole book was Crowley showing her how much she cared about her. This little symbol was just the final driving nail. _ Oh God, Crowley loves me….she loves me! _Without a word Zira pulls Crowley closer till their lips touched. She tries to pour her own admiration, her own love into it. Crowley responds in kind and gently cups her cheek, long slender finger threading into her hair a bit. 

Zira gasps at the sensation against her scalp. Crowley take advantage by darting her tongue into her angels mouth. Zira happily allows it and can’t stop the soft moan from escaping as their tongues meet. A shiver shoots through Crowley at the sound of it. She decided then that she’d do anything to hear it again. Zira starts to pull back, Crowley attempts to chase after her to not lose their connection. Zira rests her forehead against Crowley’s as she catches her breath. Crowley places quick little kisses at the corner of her mouth and across her cheek. 

“I haven’t given you your present yet.” Zira tells her.

“Don’t need it, have you.” Crowley mumbles against Zira’s skin.

Crowley continues her path of kisses till she reached a spot below Zira’s ear that causes her breath hitch. _ Bingo. _ Crowley thinks.

“Really my dear, I didn’t put effort into my gift to just leave it unwrapped and ignored under the tree.” Zira argues, pulling away from Crowley’s grasp.

Cowley wines a little the loss of Zira’s skin and huffs.

“Fine lets see this gift then.” 

“It’s going to pale in comparison to your gift but I hope you’ll like it.” Zira says.

“Angel, i’m too happy right not to care. You could give me a flaming bag of dog shit and I’d love it.” Crowley jokes.

“Well it’s certainly better than that.” 

Zira grabs the wrapped envelope from under the tree and hands it to Crowley. She rips off the paper like an impatient child and looked quizzically at the vanilla. She unwinds the string fastening it closed and peers inside. She sees a bunch of paper and dumps it out onto the floor. There was a collection of brochures. She flips them all over and tried to make sense of it.

“I saw in your flat that you had a small collection of astronomy books. So that lead me to finding a planetarium over in South Downs. I figured we could make a trip out of it, stay at an inn and have a little vacation.” Zira explains.

“Angel this is amazing.” Crowley gasps.

“Oh really? You truly think so?” Zira questions.

“Yes you silly angel! I’ve always had a fascination with stars. I sit up in my garden at night sometimes just to stare at them. It's hard to see them well in the city. The fact that you picked up on this means a lot to me.” Crowley tells her.

“It’ll be nice to get away for a week out in the country, just the two of us.” 

“Quite.”

For the first time in their relationship Crowley takes a chance on being the one to initiate a kiss. They had just had a heavy snogging a few moments ago, so she figured her chances of success were good. Zira melts into the kiss instantly, resting a hand on Crowley’s chest. Crowley lays a hand on the side of Zira's neck. He thumb brushing against the angels cheek. 

“Crowley?” Zira whispers against her lips.

“Hmm?” Crowley hums, she moves to kiss the tears off of her angel's cheek.

“I think I'm ready for us to move a little faster.” Zira tells her.

Crowley is stunned for a moment. She pauses all movement till the words hit her properly. She pulls back to look at Zira better. The angel looked hopeful and hungry.

“A ...are you sure?” Crowley questions.

“Yes.” She confirms with a nod.

“What...what about Tracy?” Crowley asks.

“She won’t be back tonight.” Zira assures her.

“Ngk.” 

Crowley felt like she was on fire. Her heart raced so fast it could win any marathon on its own. 

“We can wait if you prefer.” Zira offers.

_ Good going idiot! Do something before you lose your chance! _Crowley snaps back into reality and grabs Ziras hand. She pulls the angel to her feet. Zira smiles and lets Crowley pull her along towards her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a dumb ace who is incapable of writing smut lol so this is as close as ya'll are going to get for now. Maybe in the future :) . Not pictured here is Zira running half naked into the living room ten minutes later because she remembered that the fire was still going near a very flammable tree. Safety first kids.


	11. Christmas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add in a little bonus scene at the beginning. It was too fun not to torture poor Crowley a little to not add in.

**Bonus Scene: **

Crowley sat up to admire her Angel. She could not thank her lucky stars enough to be where she was now, with her angel beneath her staring lovingly up at her through half lidded eyes. Crowley smiles down at her and moves her hand from Zira’s hip to drag up her stomach, pushing Zira’s sweater up with it. She watches a look of panic suddenly take over Zira’s face. Her eyes go wide and she gasps. 

"Oh, fuck.” She exclaims and shoots upright.

She shoves Crowley off of her onto the bed and bolts out out of the room. Crowley sat staring at the doorway stunned for a moment.  What just happened?  Crowley boggled her mind to figure out what could have upset Zira like that. Did she move too fast? She knew Zira was a little self conscious about her body, did she panic about taking her shirt off? She was a little nervous about Crowley removing her pants earlier. 

_Good going you went too fast and scared her off_.  Crowley lets out a frustrated, at herself, sigh and crawls off the bed. She had to go after Zira. She had to make it right, to apologize at the least. She finds her angel crouched in front of the fireplace. The fire was nearly gone now, just a few glowing embers. The lights from the tree lit up the dark room with an array of colors. Crowley could not stop herself from admiring Zira’s bare legs bathed in the colors.  Now’s not the time, get a grip.

“Angel...I..I’m so sorry…I.” Crowley starts to stammer through her apology.

“Whatever for my dear?” Zira asks, smiling up at her.

“I...Because...well you ran out.” 

“Oh, I remembered the fire was still going and I didn’t want it to catch on the tree. That would be a terrible way to repay Tracy for all her kindness by burning down her home and business.” Zira explains.

Crowley finds herself stunned yet again. So this had nothing to do with her? Of course her sweet angel was just worried about the damn fireplace.

“Jesus Christ angel you gave me a heart attack!” Crowley barks. “I.. thought you...well..” She continues to nervously stumble through her thoughts.

“Oh my dear, you thought I left because of you? Of course not darling!” Zira assures her.

“Really?” Crowley questions.

“Yes and i’m so sorry for worrying you. If I was uncomfortable about something I’d tell you. I’ll never reject you like that.If it’s okay I’d very much like to give this a second shot.” She tells her.

“Ngk...come on.” 

Zira chuckles as a furiously blushing Crowley drags her back into the bedroom.

  
**Back to your regularly scheduled programming:**

When Crowley woke up Christmas morning she felt like she was floating on a cloud. She almost wanted to think she dreamed the whole thing but the warm familiar body pressed up against her confirmed it was real. One of her hands rested along Zira’s back. She gently moved it up along the angel’s spine. She inhaled Zira’s comforting smell. Zira’s head rested just under Crowley’s chin. She felt Zira begin to stir. After a few moments Zira pulls back slightly, blue eyes shining up at her.

“Happy Christmas Darling.” Zira says, voice full of sleep.

“Happy fucking Christmas indeed.”

Crowley was beginning to love the holiday, especially if she got to wake up naked in bed with her angel. No present could ever compare to what Zira did with and to her last night. 

“You know angel I’ve always always found you gorgeous but you’ve managed to hide parts of you from me that are truly divine.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh have I?” Zira questions.

“For starters your luscious, thick thighs are my current obsession.” Crowley starts.

She runs her hand along the side of Zira’s thigh, wrapped over Crowley’s own, up to her hip. She feels Zira shutter slightly.

“And the most surprising of all is your stunning breasts that I can’t even fit fully in one hand. How you’ve managed to hide them is a mystery but I’m glad I’ve discovered them.” Crowley adds.

She runs her hand up Zira’s stomach and passes through the crevice between Zira’s breasts. Zira was blushing furiously now. She buries her face against Crowley to hide it. Crowley chuckles and kisses the top of her head.

“You’re beautiful too you know.” Zira tells her, slightly muffled. 

“You think?” Crowley asks.

Zira nods against her.

“I love all of your freckles. They’re almost like scattered stars.” Zira tells her, letting her fingers run over the dark spots all over Crowley’s arm. 

“It was nice to find that you’re a natural redhead too.” Zira adds.

Crowley chokes out a surprised gasp of sorts. Zira chuckles, feeling her tense up around her.

“Jesus angel you can’t just say things like that. I wasn’t ready.” Crowley complains.

“And you can go on about my body but I can’t make one comment?” Zira questions.

“Yeah but it’s expected of me to make lewd comments. You know between what you did last night and this, you really are starting to become a bad angel.” Crowley teases.

“I’ve always been a terrible angel my dear, you’re just starting to notice it more.” Zira argues.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

“Neither would I my dear.” Zira agrees. She catches sight of the time form the wall clock and sighs.

“We should be getting up. Tracy no doubt will have breakfast going soon.” Zira tells her.

Crowley groans.

“It’s Christmas, just five more minutes? You’re too warm to leave.” Crowley requests, snuggling up to Zira closer.

Zira smiles and hugs Crowley tightly.

“Fine you serpent, but then we really need to get up.” Zira agrees.

Five minutes turned into nearly twenty before Zira could pry Crowley off of her. Crowley lingered under the covers for a minute. One, because it was warm but two, to watch Zira walk to the dresser and dig for clothes. She admired the few little dark marks she left on Zira. After the first one she felt a little guilty but her angel all but encouraged her to do it more. She always couldn’t help getting a little bitey when she got all worked up. Perhaps she really was just a snake pretending to be a person. Crowley pulls herself out of bed begrudgingly and grabs her overnight bag. 

“Oh Crowley?” Zira calls to her.

“Hmm?”

“I bought something for us and I hope you’ll wear it. I thought it might be fun to have festive sweaters to wear today.” Zira tells her.

Crowley stops pawing through her bag to give Zira a look.

“You’re kidding right?” She asks with the beginnings of a scowl. 

“Oh come on Crowley it’ll be fun!” Zira insists.

“We’re really going to be one of  _ those  _ couples?” Crowley questions.

Zira just gives her a pleading look with the best fake sad eyes she could. Crowley knew full well it was bullshit but it still broke her resolve. Crowley just sighs.

“Fine I’ll wear the damn sweater.” She agrees.

Zira beams at her and claps her hands together, holding the clasped pair.

“Oh thank you Crowley!” Zira exclaims.

“You play dirty.” Crowley complains.

Zira ignores her and pulls out the sweaters from her closet. She holds them both out for Crowley to see.

“Would you like the reindeer's of Christmas trees?” Zira asks.

Crowley stared at the sweaters with a grimace. They were both red and green and patterned with snowflakes and one with little reindeer and the other decorated Christmas trees. Both were awful as far as Crowley was concerned but she wanted to please her angel. 

“Deer.” Crowley decides.

At least the reindeer one was less hideous, it was hard not to make woodland creatures cute. Zira hands her the sweater with a smile. Crowley quickly slips it over her head not giving herself a chance to find a way out of it. No, the dumb sweaters make Zira too happy. She steps into her jeans and does a few little hops to tug them up properly. She watches Zira dress herself and notices that part of the dark bruise on her neck peeked out over the sweaters neck. Poor angel had no clue. 

The more possessive side of Crowley wanted to let Zira walk around oblivious to it but the damned nice side of her won in the end. She grabs her makeup bag out of her duffel and sets it on the bed. She walks up behind Zira and wraps her arms around the angels waist. She places a kiss on Zira’s neck where the mark was.

“Can’t have you walking around Tracy with that hickey now can I? Tracy will get the wrong impression of me.” Crowley tells her.

Zira lets out an embarrassed little squeak and covers her neck with her hand. Crowley chuckles and pulls Zira to sit on the bed.

“Nothing a little concealer can’t cover up.” Crowley assures her.

“Not that Tracy would care really I just don’t want to have to answer questions later.” Zira tells her.

“It’s fine angel. It’s my fault anyways so I’m happy to cover it up.” Crowley says.

She sponges on some of the liquid onto Ziras neck and blended it in as best she could. Thankfully their complexions were not too far off from each other. She smiles at her work before digging out a compact mirror.

“There, gone like magic.” Crowley reports, holding up the mirror to show her.

Zira smiles at her reflection. 

“Thank you my dear.” She says and gives Crowley a quick kiss on the cheek. 

The pair emerges from the bedroom to be welcomed by the smell of bacon, butter, and something sweet. They made their way into the kitchen. Tracy had a Santa hat on and she tended to a pan full of eggs. She smiles at the couple as they enter the kitchen. 

“Morning loves, oh don’t you too look positively adorable!” Tracy gushes.

“Happy Christmas Tracy!” Zira greets her.

“Wait there! I have to get a picture of you too.” Tracy says.

Crowley quietly groaned. Zira playfully elbows her in the ribs. Crowley wraps an arm around Zira to hold her close as Tracy sets up her phone for a photo. Crowley notices that there was a mistletoe hanging in the doorway above them. She sneaks a kiss to Zira cheek right as Tracy snaps a photo. Zira blushes and gasps in surprise.

“Oh that’s too sweet!” Tracy tells them, looking at the picture.

Tracy shows them both the photo. Zira beams at it. They both looked really happy, even Crowley who wanted to die wearing the bright festive sweater. 

“We can add it to the book.” Zira tells her.

Crowley nods. 

“I hope you girls are hungry.” 

“Positively starved.” Crowley confirms.

The couple each take a seat at the kitchen table. Tracy places a full plate in front of them both. 

“Should hold you over till dinner.” Tracy tell them.

“Thank you it looks great.” Zira says.

After breakfast the pair exchange gifts with Tracy. Crowley found a deck of tarot cards based off of various literary works, she liked the artwork and thought Tracy might like it. She did and immediately insisted that she do a reading for Crowley. Zira came to her rescue and suggested they wait till later. Zira gave Tracy a new silk robe to replace her old one she uses for readings, and a bottle of vintage wine to replace the one of two here and Crowley had polished off. Not that Zira ever admitted to drinking it in the first place. Tracy knew of course but left it be so long as Zira was sharing it with some special.

Tracy had in turn gave Zira an antique bible that was not only printed in reverse order but also bound upside down to the covering. Zira was delighted to add it to her collection of misprints, deeming it the ‘ass backwards bible’. For Crowley’s gift Zira had a hand in tracking it down. It was a first year press of of Queen’s album a _ Night at the Opera.  _ Crowley’s hands shook a little when she ripped open the gift paper. She grinned like, well like a kid on Christmas, and ran her hand over the cover art. Tracy confessed that Zira did most of the work which earned her angel a loving and appreciative kiss. Zira blushes out of embarrassment and playfully scolds Crowley. 

Later in the afternoon they decide to video call Anathema. With the time difference they figured this would be a decent enough time for them to call California. After a couple of rings Anathema pops up onto Crowley's phone screen.

“Merry Christmas!!” Anathema greets them cheerily.

“Happy Christmas dear!” Zira says back.

Newt appears in the background and waves at them.

“Hey Newton, how’s California treating you? You join the coven yet?” Crowley teases.

“It’s a whole hell of a lot warmer here than London.” Newt answers.

“Angel he’s wearing short sleeves and we’ve got six inches of frozen hell water outside. We need to move.” Crowley complains.

“We are not moving to California just because you’re cold.” Zira tells her.

Anathema chuckles at the two bickering. 

“We are not a coven by the way.” Anathema tells her.

“And I'm not a witch.” Newt adds.

“Of course you’d be a man witch.” Crowley cracks and grins at her own joke.

“I believe they’re called Warlocks my dear.” Zira informs her.

“I know what they’re called angel, I was making a joke.” Crowley explains with a sigh.

“Clearly not a good one.” Newt snickers.

Crowley was about to chew him out before Zira gasps then starts to giggle.

“I just got it! How clever you are Darling!” Zira tells her.

“Thanks, angel.” 

Anathema watches the two smile at each other. A shared dopey, loving look on their faces. She was happy for them, things were going according to plan. 

“Ugh you’re at the disgustingly in love phase. Do us a favor and knock it off before we get back to London.” Anathema teases. 

Crowley gives her a nasty look. Anathema just grins back. 

“When are you coming back?” Zira asks, blushing a little.

“After new years.” Anathema, answers.

“Good so I won’t have to deal with you again this year.” Crowley 

“Yes but you can’t get rid of me for good now.” Anathema tells her with a smile.

Tracy called the two away after a while. They said their goodbyes to their friends and hung up. The pair helped with dinner preparations, well Zira did most of the work. Crowley was not much of a cook but tried her best with the tasks given to her by the angel. The main attraction the big spiral ham was Tracy’s duty. Zira played taste tester in between trading off sides in the oven. Their kitchen was small but Crowley was good at dodging in small work spaces by now. 

They formed a train carrying over the sides first to Shadwells. He sat at the table and grumbled to himself watching Zira and Crowley set up the food, while Tracy ran back for the ham. Zira had to swat Shadwell away from digging into the deserts early. 

“How many nipples do you have?” he questions Crowley.

Crowley is taken aback for a moment. Zira said he was an odd one but that was quite a bold statement. 

“He asks everyone, Mr. Shadwell she’s not a witch.” Zira tells him.

“Twelve.” Crowley answers.

Shadwell gives her a look of absolute disgust.  _ That’ll teach him to ask intruding questions.  _

“Least’ not a witch but just a common freak.” He grumbles.

“You could have just said two.” Zira chides in a whisper.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Crowley says with a grin.

“You do dress like a devil, though. You tryna possess that poor girl, demon?” Shadwell questions.

“Depending on your definition of possession, I already have.” Crowley retorts.

Zira smacks her shoulder. 

“God help you little girl.” He tells Zira.

“She hasn’t abandoned me just yet Mr. Shadwell.” Zira says with a smile.

Tracy came in with the ham in time to save the girls from more conversations with Shadwell. He behaved himself around Tracy. Their dinner was rather pleasant. To Crowley it felt like a strange little rag tag family. It was different for her but nice. Crowley had never ate more food in her life. Tracy and Zira were fantastic cooks and it would have been rude not too. She did however pass out on the couch back at the shop before Zira could ask her for help with the dishes. She did wake her up just to move her onto the bed however. 

Crowley of course remembered nothing. She woke up the next morning in Zira’s bed alone. The empty side was still warm. Her angel most have just gotten up. A moment later Zira pops back into the room, still dressed in her pajamas.

“Good morning Darling.” She calls.

“You musta drugged the ham angel.” Crowley comments.

“Oh heavens no. You’re just not used to eating that much home cooked food.” Zira explains simply.

Crowley grunted out an affirmation and pulled herself to sit up. She was wearing her favorite sweater to sleep in, not what she remembered falling asleep wearing. Vague flashes of memories pass through her then. Memories of Zira insisting Crowley not sleep in her day clothes and of struggling to help her change. Crowley was more of less uncooperative dead weight while Zira struggled, mostly with her absurdly tight pants. Crowley smiled at the memory, she would have to make it up to Zira later.

“Hey angel? I had a thought about New Years eve.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm. So usually we have little staff only party there. Bee lets us drink whatever we want and have a bit of fun with Lilith’s karaoke machine. It’s usually a good time. If you want to come with me. Be nice to actually have someone to kiss at midnight.” Crowley explains.

“That sounds lovely Darling. Though it will take a lot of convincing to get me to sing karaoke.” She agrees.

“Oh come off it angel I've heard you sing before you’re brilliant. The rest of us just caterwaul all night.” Crowley insists.

Zira grins at the imagery of it.

“I couldn’t think of a better way to ring in the new year Darling.” 

“Neither could I.” 

Crowley stayed over at the shop the next few days. leaving only to go tend to her plants for a bit before returning. She would sit with Zira while she ran the shop during the day. She occasionally suck off upstairs to nap on the couch. They made plans to find a day that week to stay over at Crowley's flat for a repeat performance of Christmas eve. Zira was too embarrassed to do it again at the shop not that Crowley minded. Her flat had far less prying ears, or at least no prying ears she knew personally. Anathema was out of the country after all and she did not know the rest of her neighbors. 

One morning Zira decided to step out to pick up breakfast pastries for them. She left the shop in Crowley's hands. Neither of them though anyone would brave the snow to shop anyways. Crowley propped up her feet on the desk and flipped through the magazine Tracy had laying around. She eyed the clock on the wall and tried to guess how much longer Zira would be. She was thankful no one had popped into the shop yet. She had enough customer service at her own job. The bell above the door chimed then, speak of the devil...well angel.

“Bout time angel, the bakery packed?” Crowley calls out to her.

There is no response. Crowley throws her magazine down and leans forward to look at the door. It was in fact not Zira but a different woman. She was looking around the shop curiously. This woman was impeccably dressed, stark clean, no wrinkles in sight, and absence of color. What Crowley would jokingly call either church clothes or court clothes. The woman had short brown curly hair like a cloud about her head. Her face looked vaguely familiar and so did her bright blue eyes.

“Ah sorry I thought you were someone else. The owner will be right back, but feel free to look around.” Crowley tells her.

The woman just keeps walking up to the desk.

“I’m actually here to see the owner.” The woman tells her.

“Oh, well she stepped out for a minute. Does she know you’re coming? I can give her a call.” Crowley offers.

“No that’s alright. Aziraphale might not want to see me if she knew I was here.” The woman tells her honestly.

It dawned on Crowley then who exactly she was talking to, or at least she had it narrowed down to two people. She only hoped this woman was the nicer of the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes another evil cliffhanger, Im sorry! Prepare yourselves for a bit of angst coming up.


	12. Michael

“Let me guess you’re Michael?” Crowley questions, taking a chance.

The woman grimaces.

“Yes. I’m guessing she told you about us then.” Michael says.

“Yup.” Crowley confirms, she starts to scowl at her.

Michael sighs and shifted her weight, a nervous movement.

“Then you have no real reason to believe me but I’m here with no malice I just really need to speak with my sister.” Michael tells her.

“You’re right I don’t really believe you and I won’t let you hurt Zira. She’s carried around pain and scares from you people for a long time. I will not allow you to make it worse. She doesn’t deserve it.” Crowley barks.

“I...I know. I know we did, we all had a part in it, even me. I...I can’t tell you how much I regret it. Years ago I hired a private detective to track down Aziraphale and just see if she was okay. I was worried about her going to a huge city alone. She’s done fairly well for herself, so I left her be. I’m here now because our father is dying.” Michael explains.

“I don’t want to sound cold hearted here, I’m sorry you’re going through that, but what exactly is your intentions with telling her that? Your father is the biggest source of Zira’s pain.” Crowley questions.

“I understand your caution. I just felt like she deserved to know. To hear it from her family and not just find out about it after the fact.” Michael answers.

Crowley could not help that nagging feeling that Michael was holding back on something. She of course did not trust the woman as far as she could throw her but there was also an off feeling. Crowley had survived this long by trusting her gut. 

“If it were up to me I'd tell you to sod off but if Zira wants to hear you out that’s her decision. That being said I have no reservations about stepping in to make you leave if she gets too upset.” Crowley warns her.

Micheal just nods an affirmation. Crowley catches the sight of her angel through the shop window. She was across the street about to walk over towards the shop. Crowley flies around the desk. 

“Wait here.” Crowley instructs Michael.

She rushes to the door and is out on the stoop in time to stop Zira in her tracks. She smiles at Crowley.

“Hello Darling, did you miss me that much? I’m sorry it took a little longer than usual. Mrs. Cooper talked my ear off about her trip to Greece.” Zira starts to tell her.

She then sees the mix of emotions on Crowley's face, a little irritation, a little nervousness too battling it out for control.

“What’s wrong?” She asks, stepping closer to Crowley.

Crowley rests her hands on Zira’s shoulders.

“A woman came into the shop just now. She...she’s your sister, Michael.” Crowley says.

Zira’s face falls and starts to go pale. Crowley tightens her grip on the angel slightly to brace her.

“I tried to tell her off but she wants to talk to you.She said it was important, about your father.” 

Crowley could feel Zira start to tremble. The angel stared at the shop wide eyed and silent. Zira grabs onto to Crowley where she could and gripped tightly to her clothes. Crowley pulls her closer and hugged her snugly. 

“It’s okay angel. You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to. You don’t owe her anything.” Crowley tells her.

“H...how did she find me?” Zira asks, head pressed into Crowley’s chest.

“She told me that she was worried about you so years ago she hired someone to track you down. She said she’s only here because your father is not doing well.” Crowley answers.

“I...I have some things I’d like to say to her.” Zira decides, pulling back from Crowley.

“Are you sure?” 

Zira nods.

“Yes, I won’t get a chance too again.” Zira tells her.

“Okay.”

Michael watches through the window as Crowley re enter the shop, her sister following behind her. Aziraphale looked the same as she had eight years ago, though the deeply sad look in her eyes had dissipated. She had been watching the two talk. Zira’s eyes lit up to their natural shiny state when she spoke to the tall redhead. It was nice to see her happy again. When they walked in however she looked nervous. Very nervous in fact. Michael could not blame her but wished she wouldn’t be. 

“Here angel, i’ll take the food upstairs. I’ll be close if you need me, okay.” Crowley says quietly to Zira.

Zira looked up at her with the best smile she could manage. She hands Crowley the bag full of baked goods.

“Thank you darling.” 

Crowley stares down Michael with a warning glare as she walks towards the stairs. Michael waits till she hears Crowley walking around upstairs to start.

“She seems...well she seems like she cares about you a lot. I’m glad you have that.” Michael tells her.

“What do you want?” Zira questions flatly.

Michael sighs. She had a feeling pleasantries would get her nowhere. 

“Father is dying Aziraphale.” She says jumping to the chase.

Zira holds her neutral face as best she could.

“And what he’s having a change of heart? Wants to make amends for all the awful things he’s done so he won't have to answer to god?” Zira barks.

“Aziraph…” 

“No, he and all of you had eight years to do something about it. I had to make peace with it or else it would tear me apart. You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and expect me to be okay with it.” Zira continues.

“You’re right. We don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’m not here for that. I just thought you deserved to hear about him from one of us. Also to offer you a chance to get a little closure. To tell him what he caused before he passed.” Michael tells her.

“I made my own closure Michael. I don’t need your half hearted kindness. I know you mean well but…”

“Please? Just at least consider it? I miss you Aziraphale. I tracked you down to make sure you were alive and doing okay and you are. I thought I could live with just knowing that but I’d very much like to try and make amends, that is if you want. I didn’t protect you back then but give me a chance to now?” Michael begs.

“I’m not a child anymore Michael. I don’t need to be protected. I just wish I was supported, truly fully supported by my family.” Zira retorts. 

Michael frowns and nods. They fall silent for a moment. Zira sighs.

“How long are you in London?” She asks.

“Till Friday.” 

“I’ll think about it but I can’t make any promises.” Zira tells her.

Michael nods she moves to the front desk and lifts a pen from the counter and scribbles down numbers on a sticky note.

“Thank you. Here, so you can get a hold of me.”

She hands Zira the note. She looks it over for a second before pocketing it.

“I’ll, um, I’ll go now then. Thank you for not kicking me out right away.” 

“For the record Michael I still love you and the others. That never stopped.” Zira tells her.

“I love you too.” 

Zira watches Michael leave the shop. Once the shop door closed Zira grabbed a hold of the first thing her hands made purchase with, a bookshelf she thinks. Her body was trembling so terribly that she lowers herself to the floor before her knees gave out. It was hard to hold back her tears during the conversation, she did not want to seem weak or emotional in front of her sister. Not that crying was a sign of weakness, at least not to her. 

She barely hears Crowley come down the stairs. She had heard the front door open and shut, silence, and then sobbing. She quickly dashed down the steps to find her angel sat against a bookshelf. She was shaking and crying her sweet eyes out. Crowley kneels in front of her and scoops her up in her arms. Zira buries her face into into Crowley's chest and clings to her. 

“It’s alright now angel, just let it all out.” Crowley coos and hugged her tightly.

She holds Zira and lets her cry into her shirt. She tries to comfort her when heavy sobs came, by rubbing her back. After a while Zira shaking settles down and soon after her cries and sobs subside.

“You handled that wonderfully angel. My brave little angel. I know that had to be incredibly hard.” Crowley tells her sweetly.

“I...I want to believe her so badly. I just can’t, not fully anyways.” Zira mummers through sniffles. 

“I know you do angel. Let’s get you upstairs and settled in with some coco.”Crowley suggests.

“What about that shop?” She question.

“Tracy won’t mind us closing up for day give in the circumstances.” 

Crowley lets go of her for a moment to pad over to the front door. She locks it and flips the sign over to closed. She returns to Zira and helps her stand back up. Zira leans on Crowley as they walk up the stairs. Crowley sets Zira down in a chair by the fireplace. She fiddles with the logs for a moment before they finally ignite. She leaves Zira to go find coco. Zira watches the flames dance around, allowing them to hypnotize her. She lets her mind go blank, eyes following the fire move about. She jumps slightly at the feeling of Crowley’s hand on her shoulder. She looks up at her.

“Here angel, nice and warm. I even used milk like you like it.” Crowley tells her.

Crowley hands her, her angel wing handled mug. Her favorite mug, a loving gift, full of her favorite drink. Crowley did lots of little things to show how she cared for Zira. Crowley from the start effortlessly showed her love and devotion without ever saying it, she didn’t need to. All she heard for most of her life were just words, empty meaningless words. Things uttered for show, keep up appearances. She had not felt true earnest love from her family since her mother passed. 

Zira clutched her mothers cross as she watched the fire. This gift was one final loving act from her mother. Her father and siblings turned more and more bitter, angry, and cold as the years have passed since her death. It pained her to watch them rot away into the people they were now. She wanted so badly to just hate them and move on but she couldn’t. It would be so easy just to pretend they didn’t exist. Leaving was the best thing Zira could do for herself. It helped her to be away from them and learn to love and accept herself. She still had her days where she doubted and felt insecure but compared to how she felt back home was light years apart. 

“Crowley?” Zira calls.

While she was trapped in her thoughts she did not catch that Crowley had sat on the floor by her feet. Her head resting against Zira’s knee. She was staring at the fire too.

“Hmm?”

“I...I should feel something shouldn’t I?” She questions.

“What do you mean angel?” Crowley questions.

“I just found out my father's dying and I don’t feel anything. I should feel sad or angry but I just feel numb.” Zira admits.

“There’s no one way you should feel angel and I can’t tell you how you should feel. You could be feeling too many things and it’s making you stuck and frozen.” Crowley tells her.

“I think my father died a long time ago and the man he is now is someone else. I don’t recognize him. How can I mourn someone I don’t know?” Zira expresses.

Crowley says nothing. There was nothing she could say. She just takes Zira’s hand in hers and laces their fingers together.

“I think I’m more sad for Michael and the others. They know him and are no doubt heartbroken over it. She seemed genuine I just...I just have trust issues with her and all of them really. I’ve never seen her look so lost.” Zira continues. 

“ I...I think I need to go lie down for a bit and think. Could you call Tracy? I don’t have to energy to explain to her.” Zira requests.

“Of course angel. Take the time you need, I'll take care of things for you.” She tells her.

Zira gives her a small appreciative smile and heaves herself off of the chair, dragging her feet as she shuffled to the bedroom. Zira took her mug with her, not wanting to waste the wonderful coco Crowley made for her. She sets it on her nightstand before sitting on the bed.  _ What am I going to do with this?  _ Zira questions as she laid back onto her mattress, staring at her ceiling fan. She had a day and a half to decide whether to contact Michael or not.

There was a part of her that yearned to be close to any of her siblings again. If Michael truly wanted a chance to be in her life again Zira didn’t want to dig her feet in and refuse her. She spoke the truth when she told Michael she still loved her. Of course Zira did. It was nearly impossible for her to hate anyone. She didn’t want to deny Michael or herself a chance to have a sister again but she was scared. She was afraid of going back there. She was not afraid of getting hurt again, no they could not do much more to her anymore, but she was afraid of those long healed wounds getting ripped open. They inevitably would if she came back, she knew they would but would she be able to handle it? That was the real issue, could she bear through that pain a second time? Would it be worth it?

Out in the living room she could hear two voices chatting. It was muffled enough for her to not be able to hear any distinct words but she could tell it was Crowley and Tracy. Then there was a soft knock at the door. Zira grimaced. She didn't think she had the energy to speak to anyone at the moment.

“It’s just me angel.” Crowley’s voice calls.

Crowley enters the room. Zira props herself up a little to look at her better. She gives Crowley the best smile she could manage.

“I’m going to head home, tend to the plants and all.” Crowley tells her.

Zira frowns.

“I’m sorry. This day turned into quite the mess.” Zira apologizes.

“It’s okay angel neither of could see that coming. Should have known something was bound to come up eventually. Life’s not all peaches and rainbows after all.” Crowley says with a shrug.

“Peaches and rainbows?” Zira asks.

“Yeah it’s something one of my foster mothers used to say. Guess it stuck with me.Look angel, just get some rest, okay?” Crowley requests.

Zira nods.

“If you feel up to it, call me later? Either way I’ll come by tomorrow to check on you.” Crowley tells her.

Zira hated for her to go but it was probably for the best. Zira would not be much company today. She needed more time to think anyways.

“Thank you Crowley.” 

“For what?”

“Just, being you. I….”  _ Oh just tell her, you already know how she feels.  _ “You have no idea what it means to me to have you on my side.” Zira tells her.

“Your side is my side. We’re in this thing together, no matter what.” Crowley tells her.

Zira’s cheeks turn a sweet shade of pink.

“Is that your marriage proposal?” Zira teases.

“Oh angel when I actually propose to you it’ll be far better than that.” Crowley promises with confidence. 

Zira smiles at the use of when not if. 

“Who’s to say I won’t beat you to it?” Zira questions.

“Oh, challenging me are you?” Crowley questions back with a raised eyebrow.

“Perhaps I am.”

Crowley chuckles.

“But seriously angel, no matter how you decide to handle all of this I’ll do whatever I can to support you. Even if I have my own feelings towards your family”

“I know I’ve said it before but you really are too good to me Crowley. How easily you’ve helped me forget all of my problems.” Zira tells her.

“You deserve every bit of it.” Crowley insists.

Crowley leans over and places a light kiss to Zira’s temple. 

“Rest easy my angel.” 

Crowley could not relax with all her pent up energy. She was still on edge. Normally she would just drive around for a while but the snow made that relatively difficult to do. Instead she drove a little past her building and around a few blocks to the Dagon’s. They lived close by in Mayfair as well. She pulls up to their building and punches in the door code as quickly as her chilled fingers would allow. She debated for a moment on whether to knock or not but opts for just using her key and letting herself in. She walks right past Penny Dagon standing in the kitchen, leaned over the kitchen island and flings herself onto their couch. Lilith sat in their recliner chair joins her sister in staring at Crowley in confusion.

“Red did you forget where you live again?” Lilith asks.

“We really should get that key back from her. You don’t live here anymore mate.” Dagon adds.

“I’ve had a rough morning.” Crowley announces.

“What happened? Trouble with the misses?” Lilith asks.

“No, not really anyways. Zira and I are great, more than great actually. It’s her family.” Crowley explains.

“Ah the in laws.” Dagon comments.

“Her sister showed up at the shop this morning. Apparently their father is dying and she wants Zira to come home with her.” Crowley continues.

“What’s so bad about that?” Lilith questions.

Crowley sighs, rubbing at her face in frustration. How could she explain it all without sounding like an angry loon? 

“Zira ...Zira moved to London at nineteen to get away from them. Her sisters found out that she’s gay and the elder one told their father. They’re as you know very religious. Her father is very highly regarded and respected in their village. He decided he couldn’t stand for it or allow anyone else to know. He forced Zira’s girlfriend at the time and her family to move away in the middle of the night. Zira was tormented by these people. To this day she still has nightmares about it. Then the younger sister shows up today with all of this.” Crowley tells them, she felt like she was starting to ramble.

“Fuck that’s rough.” Dagon says.

“Where is she from?” Lilith asks.

"Havenfield.” Crowley answers.

“Where the fuck’s that?” Dagon questions.

“Dunno somewhere up north of here. Little borough from the sounds of it.” Crowley tells her.

“How is Zira handling all of this?” Lilith asks.

“Not super great, needs time to think about it. I’m terrified of her going back there and them getting into her head again. She told me about how long it took going therapy and everything else to be where she is now. I don’t want to see her have to go through that.” Crowley says.

“Well it’s her choice to go or not. She might be strong enough to handle it now going in as a well adjusted adult. All you can do it be there for her. She was alone back then dealing with them but she’s not anymore.” Dagon points out.

“Yeah I know you’re right I just ...I can’t help but to be so enraged with them. It took a lot to not lose it on her sister earlier. I suppose it’s partly my own fucked up issues with family getting mixed in. I just, I’m worried. I’m really fucking worried.” Crowley tells them.

“You’re worried about it and her because you care about her but I think Pen is right. Just support her and she’ll get through this okay. If it comes to it and they act all mental then we’ll form a gang and go up there to handle them, I mean the old man's about to kick the bucket anyway.” Lilith says.

“Not appropriate little sister.” Dagon scolds her.

Crowley figured she might go to hell for it but still cracked a smile and gives Lilith an approving look. Dagon rolls her eyes.

“Don’t encourage her!” She barks.

“Not to change the subject but how was your first Christmas together?” Lilith asks.

Crowley sits up on the couch properly and beams.

“I fucking love Christmas now.” Crowley says simply.

“Went that well, huh?” Lilith questions with a laugh.

“Don’t know the half of it.” Crowley tells her.

“You finally tell her you’re in love with her?” Dagon asks.

Lilith’s eyes pop open wide as she gasps.

“You are! That’s so cute. I honestly didn’t know you could.” Lilith teases.

“I did in my own way.” Crowley confirms.

“What does that mean?” Dagon asks.

“I gave her a key to my flat with a red rose on it.” Crowley explains.

She is met with a look of confusion from the sisters.

“Flower language.” Crowley says.

The sisters share a look and then continue to look perplexed at Crowley. Crowley sighs and rolls her eyes.

“Uncultured swines. Victorian flower language is ways to convey thoughts and emotions through flowers . Using them as symbols. A single red rose means ‘I love you’. Zira adores flower language.” Crowley informs them.

“That is so fucking nerdy but I’m glad for you too. Anything else happen?” Dagon asks.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Crowley says coyly.

“Ha that’s a yes. It’s strange but nice seeing you so domestic. Betcha she’ll be telling us they’re getting hitched soon.” Lilith jokes to her sister.

Crowley flushes and growls in annoyance.

“Alright I’ve had enough of you two. I’m heading out.” she says.

“You barged in here, so you get what’s coming to you.” Dagon barks.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” 

Crowley woke up early the next day, not that she hardly slept anyways. Zira hadn’t called last night but she figured Zira finally got some rest and left it at that. She sent off a good morning text and asked how she was doing before getting dressed.

**Angel** :  _ Good morning my love. I’m feeling a little better. I’m sorry for going silent on you yesterday. _

That was a new nickname Zira had not used before. Crowley’s heart flutters a bit when reading it. Does this mean Zira felt the same way?

_ It’s okay angel, i’m just glad you’re okay. Up for some company? _

**Angel: ** _ That would be lovely :) _

Crowley flew out of her flat and down to the Bentley without a second thought. She often drove a little recklessly on an average day but for today she pushed it a little farther. She was desperate to get back to her angel. She respected Zira’s wish to have some time to think alone but now she just wanted to be there for her. She made it to the bookshop in no time, more than likely broke her own record. Inside the shop Tracy sat behind the desk. She smiles at her kindly.

“How’s she doing?” Crowley asks.

“As well as she can be. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.” Tracy tells her.

“She upstairs?” 

“In her room last I saw her.” 

Crowley nods and heads up the stairs. The kitchen and living room were both empty. She heads down the hall to Zira’s room and knocks softly. She hears a call of come in from the other side. She finds Zira sat up in bed, a blanket wrapped around her shoulder, a steaming mug on the table next to her and a book in her hands. 

“Oh, hello Darling.” Zira smiles and sets her book aside.

“Hey, how are you?” She asks.

Crowley moves to sit on the edge of the bed. Zira takes one of her hands in hers.

“Better now that you’re here.” Zira tells her.

“Charmer.” Crowley playfully accuses. 

“You set me up for it perfectly Darling, I would be a full not to take the opportunity.” Zira says with a shrug.

“But really are you okay angel?” Crowley asks again.

Zira sighs.

“I suppose. I’m exhausted from thinking about all of this but I think I've made up my mind. That’s what you really want to know right?” Zira questions back.

“Well yeah but mostly worried about you.” Crowley insists.

“I’m going to go with her. Just for a day or two. Say what I need too and come home.” Zira tells her.

Crowley fights her urge to frown or make a face. She had an inclining that this would happen but she still didn’t like it. Zira picked up on it immediately despite her best efforts.

“What is it darling?” Zira asks.

“Ah, sorry it’s nothing really.” Crowley says dismissively.

“No, what’s wrong? You can talk to me Crowley.” Zira insists.

“I...I’m just worried is all.” Crowley admits.

“About me going back there?” Zira guesses.

Crowley nods.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt, don’t want them to hurt you more.” Crowley tells her.

Zira squeezes Crowley's hand and gives her a soft smile.

“I was worried about that at first as well. No matter what going there will bring up old bad memories but I think I can handle it now. Spending time away from them has helped me heal and grow stronger. I like who I am now and they can’t change my mind anymore. If it gets to be too much I’ll leave.” Zira says.

“You held your own with Michael. You’ll be okay but I still can’t help being scared.” 

“I know darling. I’m scared too but I just have this strong feeling that it’s the right thing to do, that I need to do this. I think I’ll regret not facing my father before he passes.” Zira tells her. “If it does get to be a bit much for me, could I call you? Just to have a friendly voice.” She asks.

“I could go with you.” Crowley suggests.

“I would love nothing more but…” Zira starts.

“But it’s not a great idea to bring round your new girlfriend with your homophobic family you haven't seen in eight years. Things will be hard enough for you, I get it.” Crowley interrupts.

Zira nods with a frown playing at her lips.

“I’m sorry darling. I don’t want you to think I’m ashamed of you or anything. I would love to show you off but now’s not the time.” Zira tells her.

“Zira it’s okay I understand. Seriously though i don’t care if it’s 1 in the morning if you need me please call me. I’ll answer. I don’t want you to feel alone.” Crowley says.

An overwhelming feeling starts in Zira’s chest the warm fluttering ache. It spreads through her body as if it ran through her veins. Crowley touched her cheek, brushing her fingers across it. Her skin felt wet, when did she start crying? She smiles at Crowley to ease her partner's mind. These were good tears, from overwhelmed emotions of pure love. Zira leans her forehead against Crowley's.

“Zira?” Crowley calls softly, she was still concerned.

“I really love you, you know?” Zira admit in quiet breath.

Crowley flushes hearing her angel say it out loud. Every fiber of her being screamed at her to say it back. She has loved Zira for a while now so it should be simple enough to just say. Her chest tightened at the thought, her body fighting the urge to curl into itself and hide. Instead Crowley lets out a shaky breath and pushes forward to marry their lips together. She decides to let them speak for her.  _ I love you too, so fucking much.  _ Zira responded in kind, her own love meeting hers intermingling together. 

“I guess I should call Michael.” Zira says nearly breathless as they parted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whelp looks like Zira is headed home. I'll try and get the next chapter out this week, I aim for 2 a week. I did start playing Outer Worlds this weekend and got sucked in hard lol. So i'll pry myself away at least a little bit to get the next chapter out. Fair warning it's going to be mostly angst. As always it'll be worth it though ❤


	13. Havenfield

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than anticipated to get up since I reworked how I wanted a few things to go. This chapter will jump around a bit between Crowley and Zira. Also this is already over 100 pages on my google doc now lol. I've written more for this lately than I have my original works 😂

**London**

The ride to the train station was a quiet one. For one it was far too early for Crowley but they both were also anxious, though for slightly different reasons. Crowley stayed with Zira the rest of the day yesterday. She helped Zira pack her things and find an inn just outside of Havenfield. Zira felt far more comfortable staying somewhere far enough away. No one really moved away from Havenfield the same handful of families had lived there for over a century. That meant everyone there would know her. Michael was vague about what their father told everyone to cover up Zira’s sudden departure but she knew he certainly would not have told them the truth, have that blight on his name. 

Crowley carried Zira’s bag as they entered the station. Zira stood on her toes to try and spot Michael around the crowded terminal. Crowley spots her and guides Zira through the mass of people. 

“Good morning.” Michael greets them.

“Morning.” Zira echos.

Crowley simply nods.

“Train should be leaving on time from what I heard.” Michael informs her.

“Great.”

Crowley drummed her fingers against her thigh. The uncomfortable tension could be cut with a knife. She stayed with Zira like she promised till their train arrived and announcement came over the loudspeaker. 

“Thank you for driving. I’ll call you when I get settled in.” Zira tells her.

“Okay. Come back in one piece got it?” Crowley instructs.

Zira grins.

“I’m not going off to war darling.” She teases.

“You know what I mean.” Crowley grumbles.

“I do and I love you.” Zira says.

Crowley starts to turn red and ignores that feeling of wanting to hide. She got it every time Zira said it out loud. Her angel found it quite amusing and charming. So she said it a number of times the previous day. Crowley figured it was Zira’s mission to kill her. 

“I’m sorry darling but you’ll just have to get used to it but until you do you don’t have to say it out loud. I know you do too.” Zira tells her.

Zira chuckles at Crowley nearly squirming. She gives her a quick chaste kiss and takes her bag from her.

“When I get back we can start planning our Downs trip. I’m thinking in the spring?” Zira tells her.

“Sounds great angel.” 

Crowley waved them off as they boarded the train and waited on the platform until the train lurched forward and was out of sight. Zira stared out the window sadly as her love slowly drifted out of sight. Her sister sat across from her and waited a few minutes into their trip to speak.

“Thank you from coming with me.” Michael tells her.

“Truth be told Michael I came partly because I do wish to be close with you again. I’m just very cautious. You’ll have to be patient.” Zira says.

“I’d very much love that. I can wait if it means I can have my sister back. The others aren’t exactly loving but you knew that. I left home a few years ago. I didn’t go far, I couldn’t, but I also could not stay there forever. I felt very trapped and made an excuse that I wanted to go to a specific school close by. In reality I just needed a breather away. I got a place and a job. I even fell in love with a cute baker named Charlie. You’ll meet him, he’s picking us up later. We eloped earlier this year. No one in the family knows yet.” Michael reveals.

Zira’s eyes pop open wider. As Michael spoke she played with a ring strung on a chain around her neck. Zira figured it to be her engagement ring since she did not wear one on her finger. 

“Oh wow. Well congratulations. Are you happier now?” Zira asks.

“I am yes.” Michael confirms with a smile.

“I’m glad. What about the others?” Zira questions.

Michael lets out a heavy sigh.

“Where do I even start? Well Sandy’s still married to Gina, that poor woman deserves better. I have it on good authority that she’s planning on taking their twins and running off.” Michael starts.

“I remember the girls. They’re what eleven or twelve now?” Zira asks.

Her nieces were barely four when she left for London. They favored their mother more in looks with Gina’s chestnut brown hair and brilliant green eyes. They lucked out not taking after Sandalphon. Zira always liked Gina she was kind and soft spoken, much like herself. She was quite the opposite if Zira’s eldest brother. 

“Twelve. He’s just as boorish as he’s always been. Uriel married a nasty lawyer who works for the church. Do remember that flashy asshole Jack Holly?” Michael continues.

“She married Jack Holly?! Oh I would have figured she had better standards than that.” Zira gasps.

“He’s about as pleasant as Sandy is. Father arranged for their marriage. They’ve tried for years for kids but it hasn’t happened and I think Uriel’s given up. I feel a tad badly for her.” Michael adds.

“That is unfortunate but I’m a little glad there's no Jack Jr’s running about.” 

“Gabriel is fathers little golden boy as always. He’s planning to take fathers place at the church. He’s been given free passes his whole life. No pressure to marry or have kids. So long as he keeps devoting himself to the church.” Michael finishes.

“That’s no real surprise.” Zira says resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

Gabriel had always been their fathers favorite. He and Michael were fraternal twins and it was no secret their father was disappointed Michael turned out to be a girl. He refused to let go of the name regardless. Michael had spent most of her life trying to get their father's good graces living under Gabriel’s shadow. Much the same that when Zira was born their father was once again disappointed and gave up on his dreams of another son. He left Zira more or less to their mother to raise. 

“What about you? I mean I know where you work and that you’re dating but that’s really it. Honestly. I know it sounds bad that I hired someone to find you but I promise I wasn't invasive about it. I just wanted to know you were okay.” Michael inquires.

“Well I met Tracy, the woman who owns the bookshop, at the train station when I moved to London. I had no real plan to speak off I just had to get away. Well Tracy had just returned from a trip and could tell I was lost and sad. We chatted for a while and she offered to let me stay in her spare room while I got my affairs in order. That turned into me helping around the shop to earn my keep, which because just a regular job. Tracy is great at reading people and knew I needed a kind, supportive soul to take some things off my plate while I recovered. I went through therapy and a lot of self reflection. I went to university with Tracy’s help for a few years. After that Tracy made me a business partner at the shop. I made some friends and through them I met Crowley.” Zira answers.

“Ah so that’s her name.” Michael comments.

“Yes, well that’s her surname. She prefers people call her that. Her first name is Antonia. Her coworkers call her Toni.” Zira clarifies.

“Tell me about yours and i’ll spill about mine?” Michael suggests.

“That seems fair. She and I share a mutual friend, an american woman Anathema who is a photographer. Crowley modeled for her back in September. I was so taken by her from the second I saw the pictures. When I met her and we became friends I figured out rather quickly that the cool and dangerous exterior is just for show. She’s so caring and sweet on the inside. Like a burnt marshmallow.” Zira tells her.

Michael snickers.

“Does she know you refer to her as a campfire snack?” Michael questions.

“Oh no she would be appalled.” Zira laughs. “ She’s been so wonderfully patient with me but I can’t help wanting to do more and more things with her. I...well I love her so very much.” 

“She was about two minutes away from biting my head off the other day but I get it. She’s quite protective of you” 

“Yes she can be. You have to understand that she’s gone through some tough issues with her own family so she knows how it feels.” Zira explains.

“Seems you two are kindred spirits then. I suppose it’s my turn then?” Michael proposes.

“Yes tell me about your baker. First off is he any good at his practice?” Zira jokingly asks.

“Oh yes quite. He brought me the best best brownie I’ve ever eaten on our first date and I was in love.” Michael tells her with a grin.

“Good man. You really are my blood if the way to your heart is a good baked confection.” 

“I swear I started exercising more since I started dating him. Well as for how we met, he catered some deserts at my office during our christmas party. I accidentally made him trip while carrying a tray of eclairs. Then helped pick them up since I felt terrible about it. After the holidays I went by his bakery and bought out his eclairs to make up for it. I had them for weeks, I don't even like eclairs. From there we just kept running into each other and he asked me out a few times. I turned him down, mostly out of my own stubborn need to prove I can be independent. He wore me down eventually and I’m glad he did. He’s like your Crowley, very sweet to me and understanding about the whole family thing. Honestly I think they’d get on quite well.” Michael tells her.

“Oh I don’t know if I can handle two Crowleys.” Zira bemoans.

“I don’t exactly want two Charlies either.” Michael agrees with a smile.

**Havenfield**

Charlie met the sisters at the train station. Zira liked him from the get go. He was certainly charming and polite. It was sweet the way he doted on her sister. Michael was always the more independent type so it was quite fascinating to watch. It was nice seeing the newlyweds interact. The two were clearly in love and happy. It made Zira miss Crowley though. Since they started dating the two were rarely apart. Michael had invited Zira over for dinner after showing her around town and dropping off her things at the Inn. Turned out that Charlie was quite the cook as well as a baker. He waved off Zira’s compliments insisting that the skills were merely transferable.

After eating far too much pasta and homemade cheesecake the pair return Zira to her Inn. They went round several times during dinner trying to convince Zira to stay with them. She insisted she did not want to impose and besides she would rather be alone tomorrow night after seeing Havenfield again. She waves goodbye to the couple and dials up her love as she walks into her room. 

“Hey angel. You get settled in okay?” Crowley asks.

“I did. Turns out Michael lives a few blocks away from the inn.” Zira tells her.

“Really? She doesn’t live in Havenfield with the rest of them?” Crowley questions.

“No she moved several years ago. She’s also eloped with a baker named Charlie.” 

“Wow, guess you’ve got competition for the family rebel.” Crowley teases.

“‘I went to dinner with them. I like Charlie he seems like a good guy. He reminds me of you a little.” Zira says.

“Oh yeah? Not better than me though right?”

“Why are you jealous, my darling? You must know no soul on this earth could ever compare to you in my eyes.” Zira insists.

“Ngk...angel you can’t just say shit like that.” Crowley struggles through her complaint.

Zira snorts out a laugh. She could practically hear Crowley turning red.

“I meant his personality is like yours. Though now that I think about it, he does have a very similar eye color to yours. Before I met you I've never seen such lightly colored brown eyes.” Zira tells her.

“I mean I never met my father and I don’t even know my mothers name so who knows. Though if your sister is married to my brother that makes things a little awkward for us.” Crowley jokes.

“That’s not funny Crowley! Besides i'm pretty certain Charlie is older than us.” Zira argues.

“Stranger things have happened angel. How have you been being back?” Crowley asks.

“I’m okay but I haven’t been to Havenfeild yet to be fair. It’s been nice talking to Michael like normal. I’m a little scared about tomorrow. Michael is taking me to go see father. He’s decided to live out the rest of his time at home.” Zira answers.

“Are you more afraid of seeing him or going back into that house?” Crowley questions.

“Is it strange to say the house? And a bit of my other siblings I suppose. There's not much father can do to me anymore.” Zira says.

“No that makes sense. They’ve been conditioned by him for far longer and are essentially extensions of him. He’s the dying off source but his influence unfortunatly will stick around through your siblings.” Crowley reasons.

“That’s actually quite brilliant.”

“I have my moments. Look I’m helping with an end of the year inventory at work tomorrow but you still call me if you need me okay? There's four other people helping they can deal with me stepping out for a bit.” 

“Thank you darling. 

Zira was worried she would never get to sleep that night. After hanging up with Crowley she stared at the clock on the nightstand for a while. Would her other siblings be there? Did Michael even tell them she was coming? She had no idea what to expect as far as her father condition either. She knew it was cancer and that it was very aggressive and late stage but not much else. Would he even be able to speak to her? Perhaps it would be better if he didn’t. Zira just wanted to say what she had to and leave. Get things off of her chest with not argument or response. She would not be able to handle it if he fought her.

After a few hours of staring at the clock tick by she sighs and grabs her phone. Crowley did say she could call her no matter what time of day.

“Can’t sleep my angel?” Crowley asks.

“Afraid not.” Zira confirms.

“I don’t have any books to read to you but I can explain plot lines to Telley shows till your so bored you pass out.” Crowley suggests.

“You could never bore me my love. I would like that though.” 

Crowley started with Golden Girls her favorite program. Zira listened for a while and even asked questions but somewhere in season two she fell asleep

“Sleep well angel, everything will be okay.” Crowley tells her before hanging up.

The drive to Havenfeild was short just under a half and hour. Zira stared out the window as the countryside rolled past her. As they rode up the main drag Zira was amazed to see very little had changed. The same businesses lined the streets, though a few got new paint jobs. The large church up on the hill crept closer and closer. The Fell family house sat at the bottom of the hill the closest home to the church. Michael parked out front of the manor. Zira steps out nervously and catches eyes with Gabriel who stood in the front yard. He was certainly dressed like a preacher, collar and all. He never looked more like their father than he did now, it was a bit jarring. 

“You actually came.” Gabriel breathes in genuine surprise.

“Hello Gabriel.” Zira greets him.

She wasn't sure what to say to him. The nervous silence racked her nerves. Her brother looked like he was not sure what to do either. It was nicer than judgment and yelling Zira supposed.

“I told you I’d get her to come.” Michael tells him.

Zira shoots her a look of confusion. Her heart started to race. Did they lure her here? To do what? Why else would Michael not mention Gabriel? 

“Gabriel and I both thought it only right to ask you to come but we agreed that you would be more trusting of me alone.” Michael tries to explain.

“You lied to me. To what trick me into coming home?” Zira questions, backing away from them like a caged animal.

“Zira please, it’s not as bad as you think. Everything I told you was true I just knew that if Gabriel asked you to visit father before he passes you wouldn’t have listened to him.” Michael insists pleading almost. 

“Aziraphale I...I’m sorry. I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection lately and I hate the person I’ve been. If I’m going to be a leader to these people I need to start practicing what I preach, literally. I’ve been a right prick to you and Michael and well everyone. To serve myself and put myself ahead. I don’t want to be like that anymore.” Gabriel tells her.

There were tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. Zira had never seen him cry before. 

“If that’s true then I’m glad that you’re trying to better yourself but you have to understand that I can’t easily forget your past behaviors. I’ve forgiven you for it, your anger and hatred was taught to you but I’ll need time to see you change before I can truly trust you.” Zira says.

Gabriel wipes at his eyes and nods.

“That’s all I can really ask for.” 

“How about we go in for some tea and calm back down a bit?” Michael suggests.

“Yes please come in.” Gabriel agrees.

Zira follows them in, her nerves still on high. The foyer was lined with photos. Pictures of her mother, her parents together, her siblings and their families. Not a single even whisper of Zira as if she did not exist. She was not surprised but it still hurt immensely. The kitchen was more or less the same. The worn wallpaper starting to peel a bit in places. She leans against the island as Gabriel putted about making them tea. Zira could still remember sitting up on the island as a child while helping her mother bakes cookies. Zira more or less just ate the dough when her mother turned her back. 

She watches Gabriel set down three mugs on the counter. The same mugs from that day, when her father was screaming in the kitchen. Zira sat silently in a chair watching him tremble with anger. He shouted a curse threw one of the brown mugs at the wall. The sound of it shattering to pieces made Zira flinch then and the sight of the mugs matching pair made her flinch in present day. Zira took a few calming deep breaths trying to center herself back in reality as Gabriel hands her tea. Thankfully in a random green mug she did not recognize.

“Thank you.” 

“May I ask how you’ve been? Michael said you were doing well but that was it.” Gabriel asks.

“I have yes. I co-own and operate a bookshop in Soho. We do well enough. I have a wonderful partner as well. I’m happy.” Zira reports.

“That’s great.” 

“I’m learning Michael has been doing quite well too.” Zira says.

Michael nearly chokes on her tea.

“Oh really? Are we keeping secrets now?” Gabriel questions her with a raised eyebrow.

Michael shoots Zira a disapproving look.

“What? If we are all going to get along and be accepting of each other we should stop lying to each other.” Zira tells her, stressing the word lying.

Michael grumbles to herself but sighs in defeat.

“I suppose that’s fair since I lied to you. Well Gabriel no one else but Zira knows this but I got married back in March.” Michael tells him.

Gabriel’s eyes pop wider in shock.

“Really? To who? That guy you brought to Christmas last year?” Gabriel questions.

“His name is Charlie and yes in fact. I met him in town two years ago. He has a...difficult family as well so we found it easier to just do it and not make a huge to do about it.” Michael explains.

“My own twin lying to me.” Gabriel scoffs.

“Oh please, you’ve lied to me loads of times over the years. I was overdue for one. So now you know my big secret.” 

“See now we can all move on, that it’s out in the open. This is how normal families do things.” Zira tells them.

“Oh, I think we’re a far cry from normal.” Michael jokes.

“Yes but we can at least make an effort to be more normal.” Zira insists.

“Fine.” her siblings agree in a huff. 

“Look Aziraphale, before I take you in to see father you should know that he’s basically just a shell at this point. It’s in his will that we have to let him pass on his own or else I would have suggested we put him out of his misery long ago. He still has basic brain functions so he can hear us but he won’t speak or open his eyes really. He’ll occasionally move a hand. I just wanted to warn you so you’re not shocked going in.” Gabriel explains to her.

“How long has he been off chemo?” Zira asks.

“Nearly two months. A nurse drops in every day to check on him. I usually sit with him during the day. I have an alert system that's supposed to go off if his vitals change at all in case I'm away or asleep.” He answers.

“The others don’t help you?” Zira questions.

“Michael does when she can. Sandalphon and Uriel drop in to show face but don’t do much more than that.” 

“Oh Gabriel I’m so sorry you’ve had to carry this mostly on your own.” Zira tells him.

“Some has too.” Gabriel says with a shrug.

Zira couldn’t imagine what it must be like bearing the burden to care for their dying father alone. The amount of stress and heartache it must cause him. 

“I know what you’re thinking and don’t blame yourself for not being here Aziraphale. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. The fact that you feel guilty at all shows you care. I...I know I called you selfish before but I was wrong.” Gabriel tells her.

“Thank you, that means a lot.” 

Gabriel walked Zira back to their father's room. The first thing she notices were all the monitors and wires. Next the hospital bed that replaced their parents queen bed. There was a chair pulled up next to bed. Zira sat down before her trembling body could collapse. With a nod Gabriel left her alone in the room. Zira looks over the body lying in the bed. Her father was unrecognizable. He was thin, frail really. His skin was a pale yellow. His hair was nearly completely gone, no doubt from the radiation. His eyes were closed and a mask over his mouth and nose, helping him breath. 

“Hello father.” she starts with a shaky breath, tears starting to collect in her eyes.

“It’s Azriphale, well I go by Zira now. I….I bet you’re surprised to hear my voice. I’m honestly surprised to be here at all. Michael found me in London and asked me to come see you. I didn’t know you were so sick. It must have been terrible going through that.” She continues.

She wipes at her face and sighs.

“Must have hurt a lot. Like the pain you put me through, put Olivia through. Hell like you put the rest of your children through. Gabriel and Micheal are in the thirties trying to relearn how to be good people. Sandy and Uriel don’t seem to realize what you’ve done to them. What they do to others. I hope you realize what it feels like now. It took me a very long time to learn how to move on with my life and I’m finally happy, truly happy for the first time in my life. I only hope that others can find their own happiness before they die.

I doubt I will ever truly forget the hell I went through because of you but I do forgive you. Hurt people hurt people. I don’t know what happened to you to make you the way you are but I’m sorry for it. I’m sorry you could never overcome it like I have. You’ve been lucky at least to have Gabriel at your side. He’ll do anything for you and I’m sure you’ve taken full advantage of it. He’s had to carry your burdens the most and is now trying to make up for them. Trying to right your wrongs. He shouldn’t have to really. Funny isn’t it son being punished for the sins of his father.” 

The more she spoke the easier it got. It was very freeing to speak her mind finally. Even if her father couldn’t react or hell even if he could not really hear her it was what she needed. She reaches out with a trembling hand and takes her father's hand in hers.

“I do love you. I always have. I hope you can finally find some peace.” She tells him.

She feels a slight squeeze on her hand. The best a sickly man could do. His only way of telling her that he hears her. That he understood. She leans forward, her forehead resting against their clasped hands and sobs. The floodgates breaking open fully. 

  
  


**London**

Crowley paced around her apartment. She tried to distract herself with the television and zoning out to a record but neither worked. She had not heard from Zira all day. It was getting late and she was worried. She played with the idea of calling her angel herself but didn’t want to bother her or call at the wrong time. She paced around for another hour before sighing out of frustration. A text, she could do that at least.

_ Hey Angel, I hope you’re doing okay. _

Five minutes later her phone rang.

“Angel! Hey.” Crowley answers, perhaps a little too quickly.

“I’m sorry Crowley. I meant to call earlier but I’ve been in bed since I got back. That took a lot out of me.” Zira tells her, she sounded beat down.

“Don’t worry about it. You should rest as much as you need too. How’d it go?” Crowley asks.

“I saw Gabriel.” She starts.

“He still a prick?” Crowley asks.

“He’s trying to be better. He apologized to me.” Zira tells her.

“Well that’s nice I guess.”

“I saw my father too. He’s...he’s worse off than I thought Crowley. It was so awful to see him like that.” Zira says with a sniffle.

“Oh angel, I’m so sorry.”

Crowley hated not being there to comfort her more than just with words. 

“I still got to say all the things I’ve wanted to, to him. I think he heard me.” Zira says.

“Do you feel any better getting to?”

“I think so. It was hard being in that house.” 

“I can imagine. I’d jump off a bridge before I’d ever go back to any one of my foster homes. You are much stronger than me though.” 

“I’m so tired darling, could you keep talking to me till I fall asleep? I feel less alone that way.” Zira requests.

“Sure thing angel.” 

Crowley prattled on about how Hastur and Ligur dropped a big box of olive jars. Most of them shattered and spilled olives all over the place. It took them nearly two hours to find them all and clean up. Dagon nearly killed them and Bee nearly let her. Once she heard the soft sounds of her angel sleeping she hung up. It took her awhile to get to sleep herself. She did not wake up again till mid day. She had fallen asleep with the TV on. News anchors were chatting about new years plans. Oh right it was New Years eve. Crowley had nearly forgotten. She still had to let the Dagon’s know she would be staying home tonight. She didn’t much feel like celebrating without her angel.

Speaking of she grabs her phone to text her good morning, well morning to her, when her heart sank into her stomach. She had several missed calls from Zira. She curses at her self and dials Zira right away. 

“Angel, shit I’m so sorry I overslept again.” She quickly apologized the second the call was picked up.

“He’s gone Crowley.” Zira croaks out.

Her angel sounded dreadful. Like she had been crying for hours.

“Oh god angel I’m...I’m so sorry.” 

“Gabriel called this morning and said her passed over night.” Zira tells her through sobs. “I...I tried to call you.” 

“I know I’m so fucking sorry angel.” Crowley tells her. Her own eyes starting to well up.

“I wish you were here.” Zira says quietly.

“Me too honey and I will be. I’ll make arrangements to come up, okay? You’re family can fuck off I don’t want you to be alone for the funeral and such.” Crowley tells her.

“You will?” Zira asks hopeful.

“Of course I will angel. Nothing is more important to me than you.” Crowley says.

“I love you so much Crowley.” 

“I love you too angel.” 

Crowley had planned to tell her at midnight tonight before this whole mess happened. Zira knew she loved her but Crowley finally worked up the nerve to say it out loud. She already fucked up not answering the phone when Zira needed her so she was not about to let her down again.

“Oh, darling Michael is here. Can I call you back in a bit?” Zira asks.

“Yeah of course.”

Once she hung up Crowley jumped to work. She did not want her angel to be alone any second longer. She digs around in her closet till she found a luggage bag. She throws it up onto her bed and scrambles to throw clothes and toiletries into it. She scrolls through her phone till she found Bee’s number a dails it.

“You never call me. What’s wrong?” Bee questions 

“I need a favor, I have a family emergency.” Crowley says.

“You don’t have a family.” Bee points out.

“Fine it’s Zira’s family. Her father just died and I want to go be with her.” Crowley explains.

“Well you should have started with that. Go, Dagon can handle the bar alone for a little while.” Bee tells her.

“Thank you. I owe you big time.”

She grabs her hastily packed bag and closes it up. She throws it down on her couch as she starts to plan. Havenfeild was a roughly four hour drive that would put her there tonight but still at a decent enough time. She would have time to make a quick stop along the way. It was settled then. She stares at her living room full of plants and sighs. Poor things would be alone for who knows how long. 

“Hey what gives? Bee said you’re not coming tonight!” Lilith complains through the phone.

“Zira’s father died this morning. I’m going to drive up and see her tonight.” Crowley quickly explains.

“Oh shit. That’s awful. Give her extra love from us okay?” Lilith requests.

“Yeah. Look can you take care of Luci and my plants while I'm gone? I don’t know when I’ll be back.” Crowley asks.

“Yeah of Red no problem.” 

“Thanks.”

**Havenfield**

Zira spent the day in bed. Michael had left to see Gabriel. She wanted to help him break the news to their older siblings. Before she left the two held each other and cried. As much as Zira wanted to go with her, they agreed it best not to. Uriel and Sandalphon still were not aware Zira was there and adding that on top of finding out their father was dead would have been too much. So she sat in bed and cried alone. At some point she passed out from pure exhaustion and no doubt the lack of food. She woke later that night and forced herself to eat some leftovers Charlie packed up for her the other night. 

Michael called and informed her that Gabriel would perform a service for their father that upcoming Saturday for the towns benefit and he’d be laid to rest in the cemetery behind the church on Sunday. He would be buried next to their mother. Zira asked if there was anything she could do and there wasn’t really. They agreed to announce Zira’s arrival in a day or two and left the family process and grieve. It dawns on her somewhere after ten pm that night that she still had to call Crowley back.

“I’m sorry I’m calling back so late.” Zira tells her.

“Don’t apologize, angel. It’s okay.” Crowley tells her.

Zira could hear the faint sound of a car door shut through the phone.

“Are you going to your work party?” Zira asks.

“I wouldn’t dream of going without you besides I wanted to be here for you in case you called. I just go back home, running errands and all that.” Crowley answers.

Zira cracks a small smile.

“Thank you darling. When can you come up?” She asks.

“I’ll be driving up tomorrow.” 

“Really? Oh Crowley thank you! Are you sure about driving all the way up here?” Zira questions.

“S’nothing really.Can’t leave the Bentley behind. God knows what the Dagon’s will do to him without me present.” Crowley insists.

Zira almost laughed at that. A knock at the door caught her attention. 

“Hold on a moment darling, someone is at the door.” 

Zira went to the door and wished there was at least a lookout hole. The only one she could think would be here was Michael but she typically called first. Zira opens the door cautiously and dropped her phone in shock.

“Crowley!” She gasps.

“Happy new year angel.” Crowley says with a smile.

Zira surges forward and hugged her tightly. Crowley drops her bag, hanging onto the bottle of champagne, and wraps her arms around her angel.

“Surprise, I thought I'd be here to ring in the new year even if this one has ended pretty shitty.” Crowley tells her.

“I’d love that.” Zira says pulling back enough to look up at her.

“Let's pop this open then and drown your sorrows my sweet sad angel.” Crowley tells her holding up the champagne bottle. 

“ I bought some danishes from your favorite bakery too and found a Chinese place in town that’s open late and grabbed us dinner.” She adds.

“You are so wonderfully perfect you know that?” Zira tells her.

“You're the only one who thinks so but then again your opinion is the only one i give a shit about.” Crowley says, shifting uncomfortably and blushing a bit.

“I love you Crowley.” 

Crowley cups her cheek and smiles down at her. She leans down to press a soft sweet kiss to her lips.

“I love you too.” She says against her lips.

“Come in before the food gets cold.” Zira says pulling her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So next chapter will have Uriel and Sandalphon and fair warning they are not as nice as Michael or Gabriel. Gabriel is the easy out for a "villain" so I thought it'd be fun to change it up a bit also who doesn't love a redemption arc? Also there will be a surprise character appearance ass well 😁


	14. Long strange day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm alive! I was terribly sick for the last week. Devil's combo of the flu and Bronchitis...I hate winter. So my apologies for the wait. I decided to put the funeral in a separate chapter since this chapter was already getting long lol.

Crowley woke up first the next morning. She smiled down at Zira’s sleeping form snuggled up close to her. Poor Zira looked so beat down yesterday she deserved and needed a decent night's sleep. Crowley tried her best not to move for fear of waking her angel. Zira did eventually stir with an annoyed groan and a half hearted attempt to bury her head against Crowley more. Crowley could not stop herself from chuckling.

“Don’t wanna wake up.” Zira grumbles.

“You’re starting to sound like me angel.” Crowley tells her.

“Bad influence.”

“Oh am I? Suppose' next you’ll be obsessed with TV, get into drunken bar fights and getting a tattoo.” Crowley says in her best fake scandalized voice.

“When have you got into a bar fight?” Zira asks leaning back to give her a quizzical look.

“I got into several in my younger days. I did a lot of stupid shit back then. Remind me to show you the scar on the bottom of my foot. I kicked a bloke who was holding a knife but I didn’t know he had it in hand at the time. It was a whole thing.” Crowley tells her.

“Crowley! That’s so dangerous.” Zira gasps.

“I know that now! I learned my lesson after the knife incident to stop drowning my problems with booze. I’m much less angry now too.” Crowley says.

“Do you have any other scars?” Zira asks.

She of course has seen Crowley naked but to be fair she was far too distracted to notice any close details like that. 

“A couple of smaller ones yeah. Others have faded now or you cant see real well with my freckles. None of them are from anything bad, just me being stupid and reckless. The one I’m the most embarrassed about it on the back of my right forearm I got from a damn box falling on me. The others at least have stories.” Crowley answers.

Zira takes a hold of Crowley's right arm and kisses it on a random spot on the back of her forearm.

“Poor thing getting assaulted by boxes.” Zira cooes. 

“Kiss the rest better?” Crowley asks suggestively.

Zira chuckles and kissed Crowley's forehead instead.

“I’m not kissing your foot darling.” Zira tells her.

Crowley pouts.

“I thought you loved me.” 

“I do darling but i’m not overly fond of my own feet let alone other people’s. I will however be more than happy to explore the rest of you with my mouth in the future.” Zira answers.

Crowley turned red in an instant. She quickly hides her face from Zira by shifting down to rest her forehead against the angels chest. Zira couldn’t help but laugh. Crowley was far too easy to embarrass.

“I’m sorry darling, I couldn’t resist but to be fair you started it.” 

“Ngk.” Crowley grunts.

The sound of Zira’s phone ringing startles her for a second. The sound reality popping her happy little bubble. She grimaces and pulls away from Crowley's warmth to grab the offending device off of the night stand.

“Hello?” She answers, not looking at the screen properly.

“Hey it’s me. Gabriel asked if we could come over today.” Michael’s voice tells her.

“Okay. I just got up but I can meet you there in an hour or so. Crowley is here, she can drive me.” Zira informs her.

“Oh, well I’ll see you both later then.” 

Crowley looks at her with a grin after Zira hangs up.

“What are you volunteering me for?” Crowley questions.

“Gabriel wants to see us today.” Zira explains.

“Ah so I get to meet the former prick turned preacher?” Crowley jokingly asks.

“Be nice darling.” Zira warns her.

“I’m nothing but nice angel but I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

“Thank you. Remember he’s in mourning too.” 

“Right of course. How are you feeling this morning?” Crowley inquires.

“Okay I suppose. I think yesterday was just the shock of it all more than anything. I am still sad of course. Now I’m nervous about seeing my eldest two siblings. Things went well with Michael and Gabriel. It won’t with them. Oh and the service is going to be awful I’ll have to face the whole town. I have to go to support my siblings.” Zira tells her.

“Hey now. Take a few breaths or you’ll start spiraling. Trust me I’m an expert at it.” Crowley instructs

Zira nods and takes a few deep breaths.

“It’s going to be okay angel. You’ve got Michael and Gabriel in your corner now and me so if those two cause trouble they won’t win. They're outnumbered now and so what if people stare and look at you funny. You don’t live here anymore, who gives a shit what they think. I’ll be at your side the whole time and we’ve already established I’m a bit of a fighter.” Crowley tells her.

“Thank you my love. You really do know how to put me at ease.” Zira says with a sweet smile.

“ ‘Course. Come on let's get ready before we’re late.”

When they arrive at the Fell manor Michael’s car was already parked out front. Zira wondered if she brought Charlie with her since Gabriel knew. She was sure Michael told their brother about Crowley. Speaking of, Crowley stepped out of the Bentley and whistled admiring Zira’s family home.

“Wow who knew working in the church paid well. Who knew I was dating in money.” Crowley comments.

“Not my money. I was disowned remember? Besides it’s really just for show. The house is big and nice but we’re far from wealthy.” Zira tells her.

“So we’re not getting a big inheritance pay off then?” Crowley jokes.

“No and it’s my inheritance darling.” 

“Aw what about what’s yours is mine angel?” she teases.

“We’re not married.” Zira reminds her.

“Yet.” Crowley mumbles as they reach the front door.

Zira shoots her a look as she knocks on the door. Crowley just wiggles her eyebrows at her making Zira roll her eyes. Crowley still saw her crack a smile before turning her head back to the door. After a moment Gabriel opens the door. He smiles at them though the rest of his face showed his true sadness.

“Thank you for coming.” He tells them and eyes Crowley.

“You must Zira’s partner. Michael mentioned you’d be coming. I’m Gabriel, it’s nice to meet you.” He says to her.

“Antonia Crowley but you can just call me Crowley. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you don’t mind me being here.” She says trying to be polite as possible.

“Thank you. No, it’s quite alright. Your welcome here and I’m glad to see Aziraphale has good support.” Gabriel tells her.

It was a little strange hearing hearing Zira’s full name. She had never heard anyone actually say it other than Zira herself. 

“Did Charlie come with Michael?” Zira asks.

“Oh no, he had work obligations apparently. He will be coming to the service though.” Gabriel informs her.

“Ah see angel she’s bringing her secret husband so that’ll take some of the pressure off of you.” Crowley jokes.

Crowley actually saw Gabriel crack a smile. 

“I also will not tolerate any hateful behavior in the church. Which is partly why I asked you here. I want to discuss our siblings.” Gabriel tells them.

The couple follow Gabriel back into the dinning room. Michael sat the table hunched over a stack of papers. She looks up at them as they enter.

“Good morning. Hello Crowley lovely to see you again. Thank you for driving all the way up here.” Michael greets them.

“Did it for Zira.” Crowley says with a shrug.

“So what’s this about Sandalphon and Uriel then?” Zira questions.

“I think it’s best we tell them in private about you being here before the service. I don’t want them to make a scene in church.” Gabriel answers.

“Yes I think that’s for the best as well.” Zira agrees.

“Tomorrow fathers lawyer is coming to discuss the will. I’ve been trying to decipher it myself but the crazy old man has made so many amendments to it.”Michael informs them.

“So today would be the preferable day then?” Zira questions.

“Unfortunately. I hate to spring this on you so quickly.” Gabriel answers.

Zira grimaces. 

“Better we get it done quick. Rip the bandage off.” Zira agrees.

“Before we do, can we try to organize these papers? I want to be prepared for the lawyer tomorrow without any yelling.” Michael requests.

“Of course.” Gabriel agrees.

“How many times did he rewrite the will?” Zira asks.

“Christ like twelve. I think.” Michael answers.

“Shoot and one of them is on my desk at the church. It’s the last rendition I believe or at least the last one he told me about.” Gabriel tells them, his face twisted with annoyance at himself. 

“I can go grab it for you. Let you three go through the other papers in the meantime.” Crowley offers.

“That’s quite kind of you. It’s just a folder, should be right on top of my desk. My office is at the back of the chapel. There will be a door on the left that goes to my office. The right door will just take you to a storage closet. Hard to get turned around.” Gabriel explains.

“Left door, file on the desk. Got it.” Crowley confirms.

Gabriel digs into his pocket and pulls out a set of keys.

“Big old silver one goes to the front door and the little gold one is to the office door.” He tells her handing over the keys.

Zira gives her a pleased smile and mouths a thank you before she heads out to the Bentley. She was honestly surprised Gabriel trusted her to be in his office alone or even the church for that matter. 

“Did father go through the trouble getting all of these notarized and official?” Zira questions.

“Most of them. Every Time he had a ‘life changing epiphany’ he would go through and alter it. He’s had more than one change of heart during his time in chemotherapy as you can see. He never knew when he would finally pass so he wanted each change to be final.” Gabriel explains. 

“Most of it is going back and forth on whether or not to leave Sandalphon and Uriel anything. One of these he left everything to his congregation only but eventually scrapped that idea.” Michael adds. 

“You’re in some of them.” Gabriel tells her.

Zira was a little curious if their father ever mentioned her at all since she left. She had no expectations to be left anything and was not entirely sure she wanted it.She certainly did not need anything from him. She had made her own way in the world. 

“Oh.”

“I think the version Crowley is fetching is the last but I can’t be certain until the lawyer arrives.” Gabriel adds.

“Please tell me Jack isn’t his lawyer.” Zira inquires.

“Oh no. I told Jack he was not welcome near the church finances or our fathers for that matter after I discovered he had been skimming money from the safe for years. Father backed my decision and told Jack off himself. Honestly Jack is lucky I did not turn him.” Gabriel informs her.

“Oh my god, that's terrible!” Zira exclaims.

“I only let Jack go free because Uriel begged me not to go to the authorities.” 

“I still say you should have stuck it to that arsehole.” Michael mumbles.

The siblings share looks of curious confusion when they hear a car door slam. Gabriel pushes away from the table to go look.

“Can’t be Crowley already.” Zira comments.

“I see Michael’s car here. So what you two hogging all of the planning?” Sandalphon’s voice booms into the house. 

Zira goes cold and pale at the sound of it. Michael scowls and jumps to her feet. 

“Come now I doubt you want to be bored with tedious details brother.” Gabriel's voice follows. 

“Michael where are you hiding?” Sandalphon calls loudly.

As he rounds the corner he dead stops at the sight of Zira. She could feel his deadly stare. She shrunk in her seat and averted her eyes away from him. 

“What the hell is she doing here?” He snaps.

“I invited her here. She’s got just as much right as you do to be here.” Michael barks.

“The hell she does. She took off and abandoned us.” He growls.

Michael scoffs.

“Spare me. We pushed her away. All of us. If I was her I would have left too. Oh wait I did technically leave. I wish I had done it sooner.” Michael argues.

“The only thing  _ we _ did was try to hold her to the same standards and expectations we all have in this family.”

“And where did those standards get us? We’re not a family. We’re a collective group of fucked up adults.” Michael shouts.

Gabriel walked over to Zira he places a hand on her shoulder. The action grounded her back to earth. Gabriel could feel her sister trembling. He squeezes her shoulder in an attempt to be somewhat comforting or at least help her stop shaking. Zira lays her hand over his squeezes back a thanks. Neither of them were sure if and how to intervene in their siblings now shouting match. So instead they just watch in silence.

Crowley stepped into the main hall of the church. Her footsteps echoed against the walls. So far so good. No burning feet or fire. She looks over the large stained glass windows lining the chapel. They were quite pretty to look at and the sun beating through them splashed the wooden pews in a kaleidoscope of colors. The pulpit was quite interesting. The top of it a carved white dove. A symbol of peace, kindness and forgiveness. By the looks of it’s bright paint it seemed new. Naturally a cross with Jesus on it hung on the wall behind it.

“You know I think I would have gotten along with your kid. Seemed like a decent bloke. Certainly cared a lot about humanity given he martyred himself for us and all. I like to think he’d be cool with people like me too. I mean he did hang around twelve dudes and a prostitute.” Crowley says to no one in particular, God perhaps.

“It’s real swell of you not to immediately set me on fire when I walked in here. I was a little worried given my seedy past. I swear it though I’m a retired reformed drunken slut. I hardly ever drink any more and I've gone and settled myself down. Speaking of Zira, good looking out sending down one of your own angels to me. I’m afraid I’m not giving her back anytime soon. It’s probably a lot to ask of you but she’s going through a real tosser of a time right now. Could you maybe throw a few miracles her way? I honestly don’t know anyone who deserves it more than her.” She adds.

Crowley sighs.

“Crimeny I step foot into one church and I’m already talking to the bloody walls.” She mutters to herself.

She continues over to the door on the left of the pulpit. Gabriel's office was just on the other side. He had a small desk in there and a large bookshelf lined one wall. On the other wall hung a few paintings of angels. She finds the folder of papers sat on top of the desk just like he said it would. There was also an open book on the deck. A journal of some sort based on it being full of hand written passages. Crowley’s natural curiosity struck hard. Being nosy wasn’t a sin right? I mean at this point in her life she had already collected most of them anyways. The handwriting was flowy and nice but also in cursive. 

“Damn cursive.” Crowley curses.

She did however catch mention of Zira’s name. That made the decision to snoop easier. She managed to decipher the handwriting after a closer inspection. 

_ It was great seeing Aziraphale again. She looks well and far happier than I’ve ever seen her. I can not blame her for being so nervous to see me again. For a moment I think she believed Michael and I created some sort of elaborate ruse to get her to come home. I can not blame her for that either. Truth be told Havenfield is no longer her home anyways. We ruined it for her. Made this place tained and toxic. I hope with fathers passing Michael and I can breathe a little life back into this place for her and for everyone living here. I suppose that saying time heals will prove to be true here. That and I need to make up for a lot of my actions. I only pray Aziraphale will let me. _

Crowley sets the book back down figuring she had snooped enough. She almost felt a little bad for Gabriel, almost. She tucks the folder under her arm and makes her exit. 

“Thanks for the chat.” She calls once again to no one in particular.

As she pulls up back at the Fell manor a different car was out front. It was a brand new flashy thing and pristine white.  _ San4lon ,  _ read the license plate and that gave Crowley everything she needed to know. She circled around the car as if to admire it. There was an honest to god hood ornament on the front of it. Something rarely seen now a days. It was an angel with its wings spread open. Crowley rolled her eyes and ran her fingers over it. It seems loose enough so she gripped it and pulled it off the car with little effort. She stashes it in her pocket with a grin. 

As she approached the house she could hear muffled sounds of arguing and raised voices. Crowley took a moment to prepare herself both physically and mentally. She doesn’t bother with knocking just lets herself in. Sure enough Michael, Gabriel and Zira were joined by another man. The first thing she noticed was his bald head and then pressed tan suit. Who wears suits on the regular? He was obviously angry. Zira was visibly upset with Gabriel at her side frowning. Michael looked to be on the defense yelling back at the newcomer. 

“Whoa what did I miss?” Crowley calls loudly into the room.

The group all pause for a moment to look at her. Zira in particular smiles at her in relief. Crowley resisted the urge to rush to her side. Instead she peers over her dark glasses at the balding man. The pair having a staring match like a predator and prey would.

“Who the hell are you?” He barks.

“Antonia Crowley and you’ve got to be ol’ Sandy right?” She questions with a grin.

“It’s Sandalphon to you.” He spits. “Who is this woman?” He asks his siblings.

“San being nasty to us is one thing but I will not have you be rude to a guest.” Gabriel tells him sternly. 

“No it’s alright let him go.” Crowley tells him.

“Crowley, please.” Zira pleads to her.

Sandalphon eyes them for a moment.

“Oh I get it your still on this then? Didn’t learn your lesson the first time, eh? I suppose moving to a big city full of wild hedonists made it seem acceptable.” he rants.

Crowley scowled them. The fighty sort of fire she usually got when she was angry bubbled up in her chest. 

“You know what really kills me about people like you Sandy?” Crowley growls.

Sandalphon glares at her in silence.

“You preach about how people like me are evil till you're blue in the face but turn around and do not very godly things. Like oh I don’t know beating on your wives.” Crowley finishes.

Crowley watches Sandalphon’s face nearly pop a vein as he steps closer to her. She could feel the anger coming in waves off of him. She just grins and holds her ground.

“Look at you now so angry. You hate me don’t you? You probably wish you could knock the smile off my face too. Go ahead Sandy I dare you. I’ve been in fights with blokes way tougher than you.” Crowley provokes him.

He does nothing but tremble with anger no doubt, and continue to stare daggers at her. Zira goes pale and tries to work up the nerve to beg her to leave it alone. She did not want her to get hurt because of her.

“You people like to preach that the gays ruin the sanctity of marriage but I think terrorizing your wife to the point that she tries to kill herself with sleeping pills is ruining that sanctity of marriage.” Crowley continues to push.

Sandalphons face drops. She caught him off guard. If they were in a real fight that could have cost him dearly.

“Yeah I know about that. Now tell me how your sham marriage is better than my relationship with Zira where I willing came up to be around her bigoted religious family so I support her because I love her?” Crowley questions.

“San I think it’s best if you just leave. We can discuss things later once we all calm down.” Gabriel suggests.

The brothers share a look. Sandalphon sighs well huffs really. 

“Fine but keep that one away from me.” He agrees gesturing to Crowley.

“You can’t send her away like you helped father do to Olivia. I want her by my side and whether you like it or not we’re both staying here till this is over with.” Zira tells him, finding the courage to speak up finally.

“I’m not happy about being related to you either but this whole ordeal isn’t about us, not really anyways. Can we at least pretend to be civil for father sake? He’s the one who’s dead.” Zira adds.

“She’s right. Let’s get through the funeral then we can deal with our personal shit afterwards.” Michael adds.

“Fine.” Sandalphon agrees.

The room was tense. Gabriel walked out with their brother. Crowley rolled her shoulders and took a breath to shake off her own tension. She feels a soft tough to her arm. Zira smiled up at her and suddenly any uneasiness she had disappeared. She smiles back at her angel.

“S...sorry angel. People like him get me all worked up.” Crowley apologizes to her.

“Thank you darling.” 

“I can’t apologize enough for him.” Gabriel says as he re enters the dining room. 

“Do yourself a favor mate and stop apologizing for arseholes like him.” Crowley tells him.

“Well that went about as well as expected.” Michael comments.

“He is also fortunately the worst of it. Uriel will be easier and he’ll no doubt tell her what’s going on.” Gabriel adds.

“If it’s alright with you two can we talk about the will later? I’ve had enough excitement for the day.” Zira requests.

“Yes of course.” Gabriel agrees.

“Come on angel lets head back to the inn for a bit.” Crowley suggests.

Zira nods and pushes her chair away from the table. Crowley gives Gabriel his folder before walking Zira back out to the Bentley. She holds open the car door for Zira and sticks her hands in her pockets as she rounds to driver side. She feels the angel ornament and grins. She pops into her seat and smiles at Zira.

“What?” Zira questions.

“I may have done something bad.” She tells her.

“Oh lord Crowley what did you do?” Zira questions with a disapproving look.

Crowley pulls out the little metal angel and shows it to Zira. Zira looks it over with a confused look.

“An angel?”

“Took it off of ol’ Sandy’s car. Boujee bastard couldn’t even pay for a proper mounting on the thing. His fault really.” Crowley explains with a shrug.

“Crowley! If he finds out you damaged his car…” Zira scolds her.

“Eh he can’t prove it.” Crowley dismisses.

“Well I suppose he does deserve it a little.” Zira mumbles.

“Exactly, just call me karma baby.” Crowley grins.

“Thank you for trying to defend me earlier. I want more than anything to do it myself but I just shut down when he started yelling.” Zira tells her.

“Hey it’s okay. People either fight, flight or freeze. Your a freeze and I’m a fight. I’ll always have your back.” Crowley says.

Zira just smiles lovingly at her. Crowley stashes the liberated angel statue in the glove compartment and pulls away from the manor.

“Say angel, do you even own any black clothes?” Crowley asks.

“Oh now that you mention it no.” 

“Can’t show up to a funeral in bright clothes. How about we go shopping today then? I think I saw a clothing shop not far from the inn.”Crowley suggests.

“Alright.” Zira agrees.

Thirty minutes later Zira finds herself being toted around a rather large clothing shopping holding onto a pile of black clothing. Crowley surveyed over racks and shelves taking the leading picking things out. Zira asked for her assistance as the resident black clothing expert between them. 

“Darling, I’m going to go see if I can find some decent shoes while you look, okay?” Zira calls to her.

Crowley not taking her scanning eyes off of a particular rack hums in response.

“I’ll be here.” She adds.

Zira strolled over to one of the back walls where the racks of shoes were. She takes her time looking over the various options. She was not a fan of heels. She never could get the hang of it. She rolled an ankle badly last time she tried. She stuck to flat shoes after that. 

“Azie?” She hears a strangely familiar voice call. 

There was really only one person in her life who called her that. She turns towards the voice.

“Olivia.” Zira quietly gasps, body frozen in the shock of seeing her.

“Oh shit it really is you. I mean I knew I’d run into you eventually but...I mean hey how's it going?” Olivia stammers.

“You’re here.” Zira says stupidly.

“Yeah I heard through the grapevine your old man passed. I want to say I’m sorry for your loss but not sure how your relationship has been with him since...well you know.” Olivia tells her.

“I made peace with it before he died. What are you doing here?” Zira asks.

“Well I was kind of hoping you would come. I wanted to see you again.” Olivia answers honestly. “I ran away once you know? I snuck back to Havenfield. I ran into Michael by accident. She told me you ran off to London months prior.” 

“Why not try to find me in London then?” Zira questions.

“I...I don’t know. Scared to I guess. London is a huge city and I haven't seen you in over a year at that point. Figured you were better off.” 

“So you just gave up?” Zira questions.

“No I..well I suppose I kind of did.” Olivia says with a frown. “I’m sorry Azie.”

“I’ve been hearing that a lot lately.” Zira mumbles and the sighs. “Look Olivia what’s happened, happened. Not much we can do about it now.” Zira tells her.

Olivia nods.

“Right. How have you been?” She asks.

“I’ve been doing really well. I went and got a degree, I help run a bookshop with my friend Tracy. She took me in when I moved to London.” Zira reports.

“That’s great, you always were more fond of books than people. I got married don’t tell anyone here but to a guy. They’ll just get the wrong idea and think they won trying to convert me or something.” Olivia tells her.

“Oh wow, congrats.” Zira beams.

It was only then she noticed the very obvious ring on Olivia’s left hand.

“Thank you. Jamie finds it funny that his name can swing either way and is totally cool with me pretending he's a woman just to stick it to my bigoted family. We have a daughter as well she's almost four. We named her Emily.” 

“Oh, you must show me a picture of her!” Zira gasps.

Olivia proudly smiles and digs her phone out of her pocket. She scrolls through her photos till she finds one of Jamie holding Emily.

“There's my loves.” 

“Look at her! She’s like a mini you. She’s adorable.” Zira gushes.

“God I know, she has my personality too meaning she’ll be trouble later.” Olivia jokes. 

“I’m so glad you have a happy little family now. I was always a little worried about you.” Zira tells her.

“I am too. I worried about you too.”

“I’ve made my own sort of family with my friends and well recently I also started seeing someone. “ Zira informs her.

“Well don’t leave it there. Tell me about her.” Olivia insists.

“Well her name’s Antonia Crowley but much prefers being referred to as Crowley. She’s actually here. She’s helping me find funeral clothes. I left her to find shoes.” 

“How’d the family take her being here?” Olivia asks.

“Well Michael and Gabriel have been great. We just saw Sandalphon this morning and he took it about as well as seeing me again. I haven’t run into Uriel yet. Crowley actually held her own quite well with San.” Zira answers.

“If it’s not too awkward I’d like to meet her. Especially if she gave Sandalphon hell.” Olivia asks with a slight chuckle.

“I suppose you’d met her at the funeral anyways. Better it be now.”

Zira led them back to where she last saw Crowley. She did not immediately she her. She stood on tip toes to try and spot her red hair and saw nothing.

“Crowley where the devil are you?” She calls. 

“On the floor angel!” She hears Crowley call out.

Zira weaves around a display table to find Crowley sat on the floor surrounded by an array of black pants scattered about. She held one pair inspecting the tag on it and scowling.

“What on earth are you doing?” Zira questions.

“All of these bloody damned pants are in impossible sizes. No human actually has legs this small.” Crowley growls tossing the pair of offending pants aside.

Olivia bit her lip to stop herself from laughing. Zira sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

“Crowley dear, I ran into someone by the shoes and I’d like you to meet her if you’re through raving about clothing sizes.” Zira tells her.

“Oh, alright then.” Crowley says eyeing the woman behind Zira.

“She does have a point about it though. Hard to find much diversity in clothing sizes. When I had my daughter I refused to wear all that awful maternity clothes but as I moved up sizes it was impossible to find anything.” Olivia comments.

“See, she gets it. Who are you?” Crowley asks.

“Well if you let me get to it. Crowley this is Olivia. She heard about fathers passing and came for the funeral.” Zira tells her.

Before Crowley could tell her face to behave her eyes pop open wide in surprise. Zira’s ex was here? The one that was tragically ripped away from her and Zira has always wondered what happened to. They were off chatting and catching up no doubt while Crowley sat on the floor raving about pants like a looner. 

“It’s great to meet you. I hope it’s not too strange. Zira was telling me about you.” Olivia says with a smile.

_ Calm down Crowley _ , she chides herself. Olivia mentioned having a kid and she was wearing a wedding ring for goodness sake. There was no need to feel jealous and threatened. Zira loved her and she knew that. Sure those two were close before but they've both moved on since then. Crowley forced herself out of her own thoughts enough to respond.

“A little strange but every day has certainly been interesting since I got here.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh I’m sure. Sandalphon will no doubt shit a literal brick seeing my face again.” Olivia says with a laugh.

“Long as we can hit him with the brick afterwards.” Crowley mumbles.

That earns her a stifled snort of laughter from Olivia.

“I like her.” Olivia says to Zira.

“As do I, most of the time anyways.” Zira agrees.

“You wound me.” Crowley teases.

Olivia jumps startled by something. She digs her phone in her pocket and checks the screen.

“Oh it’s Jamie. We should catch up later. It nice meeting you Crowley.” Jamie tells the pair.

“Hey love.” They hear her answer the phone with as she walks off.

Once she was gone Zira properly sunk to the floor with Crowley. Crowley wraps and arm around her as her angel rests her head against her shoulder. 

“You okay angel?” Crowley asks.

“Yes just in a bit of shock I suppose.”

“It’s been a really weird fucking day, huh?” Crowley jokingly asks.

“Weird fucking week.” Zira mumbles. 

Zira very rarely swore. Crowley had only heard her do it a handful of times, one being Christmas Eve night but she didn’t really count that one. Hearing her do it was a bit of a shock still.

“How about we grab some take away on our way back to the inn and just relax for the rest of the day?” Crowley suggests.

Zira nods in agreement. She quickly picks out a flowy black skirt and blouse from her pile of clothes. After a moment of debate Zira relents to let Crowley buy her clothes. She insisted on paying for food as well. Zira was too exhausted to argue by then. Later in bed Zira snuggled up to Crowley. Her forehead resting against Crowley’s chest.

“Crowley?” 

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.” Zira says quietly.

“For what?” Crowley questions.

“Putting up with all of this...with me.” 

Crowley hugs her closer and bends a bit to kiss the top of Zira’s head.

“Angel that’s what people do for the ones they love. Or so I’m told. I’ve never had anyone stick it out with me and all of my shit before you. If I left you just because of any one of the things that happened this week I’d be the biggest piece of shite on the planet. Real love isn’t fragile. It’s how I can easily handle your dying and then dead abusive father, your toxic siblings, and even your ex girlfriend because all of that and more is worth it if it means I can have you in the end. You’re worth all the hell the world can throw at me.” Crowley tells her.

Zira grips onto Crowley's shirt. She was certain Crowley could feel her shirt getting wet but Zira could not stop her tears. Today had so overwhelming. She went through such jarringly different emotions she almost felt a little motion sickness. She could not tell if her tears were from how incredibly sweet Crowley was or just a delayed reaction to the days events. Either way once they started falling she could not stop much. Crowley holds her through it.

“You know when I first realized I was in love with you I had a massive panic attack in the back alley before work.” Crowley tells her after a while.

“Really?” Zira asked, voice a little croaky.

“Mhm. Dagon slapped some sense into me enough to get through work. I’ve never really been in love before. It scared the hell out of me.” Crowley admits.

“Before I met you in person I kind of stalked your Instagram for longer than I’d care to admit. Your beauty possessed me so. Then I met you and I thought you were too cool to ever be interested in someone like me. We’re polar opposites.” Zira confesses.

Crowley grins and chuckles a bit. The rumble of it in her chest shaking Zira slightly. She smiles against Crowley’s chest.

“Well you know now that I’m full of shite and opposites do attract.”

“I love you more than I can express.” Zira whispers.

“You don’t have to. I know and I love you right back.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The love not being fragile line I 100% stole from Frozen 2 😂. That being said feel free to head cannon that Crowley also stole it from Frozen and Zira doesn't watch movies much so has no clue lol She just thinks it's a really sweet sentiment.


	15. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got sick again 💀 So my apologies for the wait once again. This chapter comes with a minor warning for the end. There is a short confrontation at the end that involves quick non graphic violence and a minor mention of blood. So if that not your thing feel free to skip ahead once the yelling starts. Zira does a little recap for Crowley at the very end so you won't miss any of the plot. The next chapter will be tons of absolute teeth rotting fluff that make up for this super dramatic chapter.
> 
> *edit* I had to fix names at the end since I'm a big dumb who accidentally switched around husbands whoops lol

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Crowley asks.

They were sat in the Bentley out front of the Fell manor. Zira held her hands together on her lap. She sighs, nods and gives her a semi confident smile.

“ I’m nervous of course but I can handle it today. I’m not afraid of Uriel in the slightest. She’s mostly harmless. Michael and Gabriel can handle Sandalphon if he gets out of hand.” Zira tells her.

“And I’ll be just down at the church so if you need me to come kick his ass just text me.” Crowley offers.

Zira smiles and shakes her head at her. She walks with Zira into the house. Gabriel let them in and chatted as they walked back to the dining room. Michael gave the pair a brief smile as they walked in. Sandalphon scowled a nasty sort of scowl at them. Not that, that surprised Crowley. What did surprise her was the woman sat next to him. She in more ways than one did not look like the other Fells. The woman frowns at them.

“She’s not staying is she?” Sandalphon questions Gabriel.

Crowley grins.

“Oh don’t get your tit’s in a bind Sandy. I’m merely dropping Zira off.” Crowley barks.

Michael snorted a laugh.

“Thank you again for helping. I’ve been so busy there is no time to do it all myself.” Gabriel says, ignoring his brother altogether.

“S’no problem. Got to keep myself busy somehow.” Crowley says with a shrug.

“Everything should be there. I don’t have a particular thoughts on where anything should go so just have at it.” Gabriel tells her as he hands over the church keys. 

“You’re letting _ her _decorate the church?” Sandalphon barks.

“Well seeing how no one else has volunteered I’ll take any help I can get.” Gabriel says simply.

“Remember my offer angel.” Crowley whispers near Zira’s ear.

Zira smiles and kisses her cheek.

“Won’t be necessary darling, thank you.” Zira tells her.

“Zira this is Mr. Donahue he’s father’s lawyer and will be going over the will with us.” Gabriel explains.

He gestures to the man in a tailored grey suit sat at the end of the table. The man adjusts his glasses and smiles politely at her.

“I’ll leave you to it then. Let me know when you’re done.” Crowley says.

“Zira and I can walk over to the church once we’ve finished up here.” Gabriel tells her.

Zira watches Crowley leave before taking a seat between Gabriel and Michael. She caught Uriel glance at her a few times as the lawyer starts to talk. Zira could not quite decipher the emotions on her face.

“And with that I will go ahead and start reading off from the will. Please keep in mind this is written by Mr. Fell himself and I am merely reading verbatim. He starts with Gabriel.” Mr. Donahue tells them.

Gabriel leans forward a bit to listen more intently. She could see him drumming his fingers nervously against his chair, under the table out of view of the others. Zira takes his hand and squeezes it. His tense body relaxes a bit.

“To my son Gabriel, who stood by me even when I did not deserve his love and support, I leave the manor and the church to do with as he sees fit. This should come as no real surprise.

As for my other children I have boxed up some things of mine and Mary’s that I would like each of you to have. They are all down in the cellar. I’ve provided an itemized list of each since this damn lawyer insists on it…” Mr Donahue starts.

He sighs at the mention of himself and continues. Zira cracked a smile, their father must of been hell to deal with. The poor lawyer.

“Over the years I squirreled away a good bit of money and I’d like to leave it to my family. Uriel since your husband took plenty enough you will not be receiving a dime of it.” He dictates.

Uriel’s face scrunches up in a nasty look. She huffs but does not interrupt.

“Sandalphon I have divided your share up into two accounts for your daughters. They can use it when they turn eighteen.They’re future is far more deserving of it.” 

Sandalphon practically shook with anger. The lawyer quietly scooted away from him an inch.

“The rest will be evenly split between Michael, use it to help you and your husband get established. Yes I know about him. Gabriel, though I know you wont keep it. At least give it to someone or something you think is deserving of it. I also would like a part to go to Aziraphale. It won’t heal the wounds I caused but at least it can help you with your new life.” 

Zira could feel herself start to tear up. She never expected anything from him. She came to the reading to support her siblings. He had thought about her after all. 

“May I ask the amount? He was always vague with me.” Gabriel asks.

“Its 100,000 pound split between the five accounts. So 20,000 each.” Mr. Donahue answers.

Zira felt almost faint. She had never had much money in her life. In the grand scheme of things it was not too much but it certainly would make quite the difference in her simple little life. 

“How and when did he save up all of this money?” Michael questions.

“He got really into the stock market or so he told me.” Gabriel answers.

“This is absurd why the hell is Gabriel getting money on top of everything else?” Sandalphon snaps.

“What the hell would you do with the house other than sell it or bulldoze it? Gabriel is the only one out of all of us that would actually take care of it. You should be grateful father thought to help your children. If I were you, I'd much rather my kids were set up financially than me. Not that you need the money anyways.” Michael argues.

“Father is right I will not be keeping my share regardless.” Gabriel tells him.

“At least you’re family is getting something at all.” Uriel mumbles.

“You’re lucky your husband isn’t in jail so don’t complain.” Michael barks.

Mr. Donahue clears his throat. 

“If it’s alright I’d like to go through the boxes with each of you to verify that everything is in order.” He requests.

Crowley entered the chapel to find a cluster of flower arrangements sat on the pews. There were a few poster boards full of photos as well and a box. Crowley decides to start with the box. She plops herself down on the floor next to the box. Inside was a sign-in guest book and obituary cards with Joseph Fells picture on it. It was Crowley’s first time seeing him, well him as a younger man. Gabriel certainly did take after their father. Footsteps out in the entryway hall caught her attention. Could just be the grounds keeper or maintenance fellows, Gabriel mentioned they would be about. 

“Hello?” A voice calls into the chapel.

Crowley looks up to see Olivia poking her head into the room. She smiles at the sight of Crowley and steps fully into the room.

“Oh, hello Crowley. Lovely to see you again. I was hoping I’d run into someone here. I’m too chicken shit to go to the manor, who knows who could be there.” Olivia tells her.

“They're all there now, discussing the will so good call coming here if you’re trying to avoid the nastier of the Fell’s. “ Crowley informs her.

“Az...Zira with them I’m guessing?” She asks.

“Yeah. I offered to help set up the church for the funeral while they’re busy.” 

“Need some help?” 

“Sure.” Crowley agrees.

Crowley was pulled in two directions. She wanted to be friendly with Olivia, for a the least Zira’s sake. Part of her however could not quite get over the awkwardness of it. It was okay to feel a bit awkward around your partner's ex right? It was not so much jealousy thing not in a romantic sense anyways. Olivia was Zira’s friend for far longer than they were dating. She no doubt knew plenty of things about Zira that Crowley didn’t. No, Olivia knew Aziraphale and the past. She was Zira now and Olivia knew nothing about Zira. Crowley would have time to get to know more about Aziraphale. 

“I was thinking the guest book and cards should go out in the main lobby. Hit people as they come in.” Crowley suggests.

“Good Idea. I can go set that up for you if you’d like.” Olivia tells her.

“Yeah thanks, and I can tackle all of the flowers in here.” 

She certainly had her work cut out for her with the flowers. By the looks of it the entire town sent flowers. It was a kind gesture Crowley supposed. The church certainly smelled wonderful with them all. Was a shame they all would not last long. She decides to line the walls with the larger arrangements. She got halfway through one wall when Olivia returned.

“I got a little table set up out there. Need any help with the flowers?” She asks.

“Sure, I’m taking all the big flowers and lining up the walls with them. Could you start the other side?” Crowley requests.

“Of course no problem.” 

Olivia went to work separating out some of larger arrangements while Crowley continued fixing up her wall. 

“Do you mind if I ask you a few things Crowley?” Olivia requests.

“I suppose.” She says not taking her eyes off of her work.

“I’m naturally very curious, my mother just says I’m nosy. So you can not answer if you don’t want too. How’d you meet Zira?” Olivia asks.

It was an innocent enough question. Was a typical question asked of couples. Crowley saw no real harm in it.

“Through a mutual friend. Well really at the time she was Zira’s friend and my annoying neighbor. I consider Anathema a friend now though.” Crowley explains.

Anathema after all brought Crowley her angel. She owed the witch a great deal.

“That’s nice, It’s not often people meet organically anymore. I’m a nurse and I met my husband when he came into my hospital for stitches. His room mate accidentally stabbed him.” Olivia tells her.

Crowley turns to give her a quizzical look.

“How does one accidentally stab someone?” Crowley asks.

_ Says the one who technically stabbed herself by kicking at a knife. _

“He was too embarrassed to tell me so they probably were messing around with something stupid. He kept finding ways to end up back at the hospital I work for to see me before asking me out like a normal person.” Olivia tells her with a chuckle.

“Well to his credit it worked, you’re married now.” 

“Yes he’s very lucky I find his stupidity charming, for some reason. Thank god Emily took after me. Even if she is a handful because of it.”

“Do you have any other kids?” Crowley asks.

“Nope just Emily, she’s plenty.” Olivia answers. “So what do you do for work?” She asks.

“I’m a bartender for a little concert hall in London.” Crowley tells her.

“Wicked, anybody big play there?” 

“Not anymore. It used to be a popular underground rock hall. My boss bought it maybe ten years or so back. Fixed it up and re branded the place. Now we mostly get local bands and such but we’ve got a pretty strong regular clientele.” Crowley explains.

“I should have figured you’d have cool job to go with the aesthetic.” 

“Well that’s all it really is just an aesthetic.”

“We all have our masks. You just literally have a mask.” She says pointing to her own eyes, the glasses she meant. “ Who wears sunglasses indoors?” She asks jokingly.

“I’ll have you know my eyes are very sensitive to light, including indoor lighting.” Crowley defends.

“That a medical thing?” Olivia asks.

“Condition from working at night in a dark cave essentially.” 

Crowley helps Olivia get the other side of the church to match the done up one. As they finished up placing a few of the smaller flowers around the pulpit the sound of a door and footsteps echoed in the lobby. 

“Wow it looks wonderful in here.” Gabriel gasps looking around the room.

“Thanks. I had a bit of help though.” Crowley says nodding her head over to Olivia.

Gabriel looks her over with wide eyes and shocked expression.

“Olivia. I...I didn’t know you were back in town.” he breaths.

“Hello Gabriel. I heard about your father's passing, I’m so sorry for your loss.” She tells him.

“Thank you.” 

“Crowley and I ran into her yesterday. Things with the lawyer today were so time consuming I forgot to mention her to you.” Zira tells him.

“It’s alright. You’re welcome here Olivia, just caught me by surprise.” Gabriel tells her.

“Thanks. Zira said you’ve turned over a new leaf. I got to say I like kindly preacher Gabriel over stuck up his own arse bastard Gabriel.” Olivia tells him.

“Swearing in a church. I think you’re growing on me.” Crowley says with a grin.

“Oh lord those two being friends doesn’t bode well for any of us.” Zira jokes to her brother.

“How have you been Olivia?” Gabriel asks.

Crowley walks over to Zira while Olivia recaps her life.

“Everything go okay angel?” she asks.

“Far better than expected. I’ll tell you later.” she answers with a smile.

“Hey I got to run but it was nice chatting with you guys.” Olivia tells them.

“Thank you for helping with the flowers.” Gabriel tells her.

“I like her you should keep her around.” Olivia tells Zira.

She gestures to Crowley. Zira blushes a bit and agrees with her while Crowley just Grins. They say their goodbyes to Olivia. Zira turns to Gabriel once she was gone.

“I was thinking, how would you like to go to dinner with us tonight? I’m sure you’ve been cooped up in that house for far too long taking care of father.” Zira offers.

“I don’t think I’ve been outside of Havenfield for at least a year. This week alone I’ve been eating nothing but casseroles. I don’t know why when someone dies, people think casseroles are comforting. I don’t want to be rude so I took them of course but you can only eat so much of it.” Gabriel tells them.

“That sounds bloody miserable. There’s a few restaurants around the Inn we’re staying at if you want to follow us over.” Crowley suggests.

“That sounds wonderful.”

They ended up at a sushi place. Zira loved sushi and Gabriel mentioned that he had never had decent sushi. Crowley liked sake and could tolerate anything with it’s help. While they waited for their orders the Fell siblings filled Crowley in on the will.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen twenty thousand Pounds.” Crowley gasps.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to give my share to Gina. Michael and I have been slowly helping Gina and the girls get to a place where they can get away from Sandalphon. I fear after this whole will business he become more unhinged.” Gabriel announces.

“Is there anything we can do?” Zira asks.

“I’m trying to keep involvement to a minimum to protect them but I’ll let you know if we need assistance.”

“This is probably the Sake talking but if we get someone to hit him in just the right place his lights will be out for good.” Crowley suggests.

“Crowley we’re not having him murdered.” Zira scolds.

“All I’m saying is that if O’l Sandy picks a fight with someone they hit him and he goes down maybe falls on something and it’s an accident.” Crowley explains with a shrug.

Zira gives her a look of judgment and disbelief. 

“What I used to hang around a lot of sketchy folks back in the day.” She defends.

“If you need any help that doesn’t involve San’s death please let us know.” Zira tells her brother.

“Thank you, both.”

“So what was in your boxes of stuff?” Crowley asks.

“I was left some books from both my parents collections as well as some clothes and jewelry of my mothers.” Zira tells her.

“Mine was just a note asking me to handle the furnishing of the house how I saw fit to prevent in house fighting with my siblings. Not that I think that will stop it but whatever father wants I suppose. It was funny I read it in his voice even.” Gabriel answers.

“For the record I don’t want any furniture from the house.” Zira tells him.

“I don’t think any of it would even fit in the Bentley anyways.” Crowley points out.

“I had no doubts you would not cause me any headaches Zira. I appreciate everything you’ve both been doing to help out this week. It’s nice to just relax a little. To be entirely honest I’ve been stressed out for years now.” He admits.

“Once things settle down here you should really take a vacation. Go do nothing for a week or two and recharge.” Zira suggests.

“You know I just might.” 

**Sunday**

Zira and Crowley sat up at the front of the church with Michael. Uriel, Sandalphon and their families sat on the other side of the chappel. Crowley held onto Zira’s hand as the room filled up with locals. She knew her angel was still a little nervous. Gabriel floated around the room greeting folks as the came in. Zira tuned out the idle chatter around her focusing on her sisters voice instead. Michael and Crowley were discussing the flowers. After a while Gabriel walks up to the pulpit and the room comes to a hushed silence.

“First of all I’d like to take you all for coming on behalf of my family and being so open to sacrificing a Sunday mass. I realized my father would love nothing more than to be buried on Sunday surrounded by his beloved congregation. I know you’re all packed in here like sardines so I’ll try to keep things on the shorter side.” He starts.

“Joseph Fell was not always the kindest or easiest to deal with during his life. So I won’t stand up here and pretend he was. He could have a temper at times and was terribly stubborn but he did care about this town and his family. The way he showed his love was a little misguided at times however. Humans by nature are not perfect beings. We all have our flaws and we’ve all a time or two have sinned. God is so forgiving of us and our mistakes and our flaws because we for the most part will recognize those issues in ourselves and seek to change or make up for them. That ability to be self aware and our actions to better ourselves when we start to stray away is what earns us the right to be forgiven. 

Going forward I’d like us all to look inwards on ourselves and think real hard about things we may be doing or have done that we need to fix. While our friends, our neighbors and our loved ones are on this journey of self reflection and improvement I’d like us all to be patient, be understanding and lastly be forgiving of ourselves and others. Perhaps then we can have a little taste of heaven here on earth. Now I’d like to open the floor to anyone who would like to share a story or a few words about my father.” 

Gabriel steps back from the pulpit and a man from the crowd took his place. Mr. Hughes from the local bank. Zira recognized him. He was a little grayer now but mostly the same. Gabriel takes a seat next to Zira on the pew.

“That was wonderful Gabriel.” She whispers to him.

They sit and listen to stories for about an hour. A few Zira had known about already. A few took her by surprise like a story of Mrs. Reilly's geese somehow getting into the church and it took her father and the groundskeeper hours to wrangle them all up. They apparently made a mess of the chapel. Zira like the rest of the room chuckled at the image. Once no one else offered to walk up to the pulpit Gabriel stood back up. 

“Thank you everyone for all of those wonderful stories. Father had no real sense of humor whatsoever but I think even he would not have been able to resist cracking at least a smile. As you all know he was terribly ill and the cancer did beat him, that being said we make the decision to be closed casket. I would invite anyone who would like now to head out back to the cemetery. Beautiful lilies were donated by Mrs. Morrison so if you would like to you can place one on his casket as you say your goodbyes. Again thank you all for coming.” 

As people start to file out of the chapel Gabriel walks back over to Zira and Crowley. He quietly asks them to stay for a moment then walks over to talk to Olivia. Zira and Crowley share a look. A silent conversation happens. _ What's going on? I don’t know. _Crowley watches Michael exchange a look and nod as she followed the crowd out. 

“I need your help.” Gabriel says once they were alone.

“With Gina?” Zira guesses.

“Yes. My fear has come true Sandalphon has been worse in the last few days and she’s terrified. He won’t notice if Crowley and Olivia disappear so would you two split up and drive Gina and the girls to the train station? Michael and I made arrangements for their things to get mailed out to them when they settle in somewhere.” Gabriel quickly explains.

“Yeah of course whatever you need.” Crowley explains.

Olivia just nods.

“We’ll keep Sandalphon busy and distracted. Their bags are in the broom closet. Zira lets go.” He adds.

“I’m better with kids than battered wives, if you want to take Gina.” Crowley says to Olivia.

“Gina knows me so she’ll trust me.” she agrees.

“Be careful please.” Zira requests.

“Always.” 

Zira follows Gabriel out to the cemetery, helping him carry two boxes of single cut lilies. She helps him sent them up by the casket before joining the rest of the family off to the side. People lined up patiently to each have a turn. Gabriel chats with a few people before joining up with the family. 

“Gina are you feeling well?” he asks.

“Oh, don’t worry about me I’m just tired is all. It’s been a hard week for all of us it just drained me a bit is all.” She answers. 

“Your welcome to go rest at the manor for a bit and we’ll join you later.” He offers.

“Oh, I don’t want to make a thing of it.” she insists.

“Girls go walk your mother to the house. Can’t have her passing out in front of everyone.” Sandalphon orders.

“Yes dad.” they answer in unison. 

The siblings all wait till the crowd thins out and pass through before each taking their own turns up at the casket. Sandalphon went first insisting he was the oldest. He made his last goodbyes as loud and obnoxious as possible. Zira sighs exasperated with him while Michael rolls her eyes. Uriel and her husband go next and are far more quiet with her goodbyes. Gabriel let's Michael and Charlie next. She stays up at the casket for a few minutes, Jamie resting a supportive hand on her shoulder, in silence before stepping back. Gabriel defers his turn to Zira.

She grabs a lily from the now nearly bare box. She opts to keep her goodbye silent as well. _ I’m glad I got to talk to you before you passed. I suppose I should thank you for holding on just long enough for me to. I meant what I said I love you. You’ve actually helped me reconnect with Gabriel and Michael and I’m looking forward to having them in my life again. I’m sorry you had to suffer but you can rest now at least. Say hello to mother for me. I miss her terribly. _

She lays the lily down on top of the casket with the pile of others and wipes away a little tear before it could fall down her cheek. With one last look she turns and joins her siblings. After Gabriel takes his turn Gabriel invites them all back to the house. As they leave the gravediggers to their job Zira falls back to walk with Gabriel.

“This isn’t going to end well.” Zira says full of worry.

“I know. It needs to happen one way or another anyways. Are they safe?” He asks.

Zira digs out her phone and sees a message from Crowley.

_ Birds have flown the coop. _

Zira just nods and Gabriel lets out a heavy held in sigh. As the group enters the house Sandalphon calls for his daughters and Gina. 

“They’re not here?” Gabriel questions, playing dumb.

Sandalphon jogs up the stairs and they hear him opening and closing doors. The door slamming got more forceful and his steps more angry. Zira could feel the panic started to build in her chest. The confrontation was coming. It would come with shouting no doubt. Yelling and anger always made her shut down. 

“Where the hell are they?!” Sandalphon shouted as he jogged down the stairs.

“Where they not up there?” Gabriel asks and he actually sounded concerned.

“No but you knew that didn’t you?” Sandalphon barks.

“Excuse me?” 

“I know you’ve done something. You and Michael are always scheming together.” he snarls.

“We don’t know where they went but I wouldn’t blame her if she ran off. You’re such a damn brute.” Michael spits.

“How about you give Gina a call before we jump down each others throats?” Uriel suggests.

Zira was honestly surprised to hear her be the voice of reason for once. Sandalphon hufs a “fine” and grabs his phone. He paces around the living room waiting for her to pick up. Gabriel watched him pace silently, knowing full well that Gina and the girls had ditched their phones earlier that morning. 

“God dammit pick up.” Sandalphon shouts.

“Try the girls. Teenagers never let go of their phones.” Uriel suggests next.

Gabriel again lets the charade go and watches his brother attempt both of his daughters with no avail. Zira felt squirmy with anxiety. She looks to Michael and Gabriel who were cool and calm.

“What the fuck did you do?” Sandalphon growls staring down Gabriel.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to insinuate but..” Gabriel starts to defend himself.

“Don’t play fucking stupid Gabriel. Where is my god damn family?” 

“By now? On their way away from here.” Gabriel says critically. 

Sandalphon nearly vibrated with anger he marches rather quickly up to Gabriel. In a quick flash of movement no one in the room saw coming Sandalphon takes a swing at his brother. Gabriel backs away with a pained yelp and covers his nose with his hands. Jamie and,to everyone's surprise, Jack stepped in between the brother to hold Sandalphon back. Michael and Zira rushed to Gabriel's side.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Michael yells.

“Me? What the fuck is wrong with you all who think you can just kidnap a mans family?” Sandalphon yells back.

“It’s not kidnapping if they’re desperate to get away from you, you raging lunatic.” Michael spits.

“Look mate you got to relax or we’ll have to get the coppers involved.” Charlie tells Sandalphon.

“No need I’ll go to them myself and report the lot of you for this.” Sandalphon hisses.

He shoves Charlie and Jack off of him and storms out of the house.

“Gabriel are you okay?” Zira asks.

“Yes, at worse he just broke my nose. Nothing too terrible.” He says through a pained voice.

A bit of blood dripped from his hand onto the floor.

“You’re bleeding Gabe. Let’s get you to a doctor at least.” Michael insists.

“Yes alright. I’ll most likely bleed on your car I’m afraid.” Gabriel relents.

“It’s fine you can scrub my seats later.” Michael teases him. “Zira do you want to come or wait for Crowley?” She asks.

“I’ll stay here but call me once he’s been seen.” Zira tells her.

Michael nods. Charlie helps her escort Gabriel out leaving Zira alone with Uriel and Jack.

“I always knew San was a bit off but that was excessive.” Jack grumbles.

“Did you have anything to do with this?” Uriel asks Zira.

“No of course not.” Zira insisted.

Technically she hadn’t. She just knew about it.

“What did happen to your...to that Crowley woman?” Uriel asks.

“Gabriel let her stay in his office. She wanted to give me time alone with you all in the cemetery. I was about to call her to come to the house when this whole mess started.” Zira explains on the fly.

“Hm, Jack let’s go home I’ve had enough for one day.” she says walking towards the door.

“Yes dear.” 

Zira waits till the front door shuts behind them to call Crowley.

“Hey angel, I’m almost there.” She says after a ring.

“Thank goodness. I’m desperate to go home now.” She tells her.

“What happened?” Crowley asks.

“Sandalphon found out and punch Gabriel. He might have a broken nose. Michael is taking him to a doctor now.” Zira recaps.

“Jesus. I’m not surprised per say that he got violent but I feel bad for Gabriel.” 

“I’ve never seen someone get punched before it was terrible.” 

“I have a few times but it is quite shocking at first especially if you know the poor bastard getting hit. So what’s the plan? Are we still driving home tonight?” Crowley asks.

“Yes, there's not much we can do here. Michael is going to call me when they know the verdict of Gabriel's nose. The two of them can handle Sandalphon from here. I really just want to be curled up in my own bed in my little shop.” Zira tells her.

“Me too angel. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Oh, by the way, I love your nieces. They think I’m wicked cool and asked if I am going to marry their auntie Azzie.” 

“Oh lord.” Zira groans.


	16. A South Downs day in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay look I promised fluff and there is lots of that but I did sneak a little bit of angsty backstory in there but I'm a sucker for comforting each other after talking about heavy stuff. It's short and sweet, I wanted to get something out this week and the holidays really threw a wrench into my writing time.
> 
> Fair bit of warning there is a brief mention of past suicidal tendencies nothing in depth but still.

_ May _

Zira stares at her reflection in the mirror, running her fingers through her hair. It was certainly much lighter like this. The decision to cut it was agonizing. It was something she thought of doing for quite some time but she also worried how it would look. As she fretted Tracy steps into view behind her.

"You look lovely deary." She tells her.

Zira smiles.

"Thank you. Do you think Crowley will approve?" Zira questions.

"Of course! She's so in love with you that you could shave all your hair off and she'd think you were the most beautiful woman she's ever seen. Not that you wouldn't be beautiful bald." Tracy tells her.

Zira blushes lightly.

"I do believe you are right." Zira agrees.

The chime of the door downstairs echoes up into their little flat. 

"Oh speak of the devil. I'll go greet her. You finish up packing." Tracy instructs.

Crowley jogs up the steps to the living space. They were used to her letting herself in at this point. She finds Tracy in the living room. She smiles at her as Crowley enters the room.

"Hello dear, excited for the trip?" Tracy asks.

"Yeah, it's going to be nice. Zira's got a lot planned for us." Crowley answers.

"She's finishing up packing her things. She'll be out in a minute. I'I'll be downstairs if you need me." Tracy tells her.

"Thanks Tracy."

Tracy takes her leave and Crowley eyes the collection of bags on the floor near the couch. It was at least ten smaller bags. Crowley shakes her at them.

“Angel we’re going away for a week not forever. Do you really need this much stuff?” Crowley calls.

“It’s an appropriate amount of things just in a series of small bags.” Zira argues, calling from her bedroom.

“Okay then for your birthday I’m buying you proper luggage.” Crowley tells her.

Crowley gathers up as many of Zira’s bags as she could hold and carries them down to the Bentely parked out front of the shop. As she threw the bags in the trunk with her own, Zira appeared with the rest of her bags. 

Crowley stops dead in her tracks and was thankful she was not holding anything or else she would have dropped it. Zira's hair was shorter. Significantly shorter in fact. It hit just above her shoulders and framed her face so wonderfully. Crowley thought of her angel's hair almost like a shining halo around her gorgeous face but now it was even more so. 

"Do you like it? Anathema took me to her hairdresser." Zira asks.

She nervously fiddled with her hair. She couldn't help squirming under Crowley's steady gaze.

"Are you joking? You...I...fuck." Crowley stammered.

Crowley steps closer to her and cups Zira's face. Crowley's bewildered looks softens into a look of pure sweet love. It made Zira's heart flutter a bit. 

"You're going to kill me angel. You look so gorgeous. The short hair suits you." Crowley tells her. 

Zira blushes and turns her face slightly to break eyesight with Crowley.

"Thank you,darling." 

Crowley takes the rest of the bags from Zira and throws them in with the others.

“Ready to go angel?” Crowley asks, shutting the trunk.

“Yes, just let me say goodbye to Tracy.” 

Crowley follows her back into the shop. Zira calls for her and a moment later Tracy wandered into the shop from the back room.

“We’re about to head out.” Zira tells her.

“Alright, have fun lovies. Drive safe!” 

The drive to South Downs was lovely, once they left the city of course. The air was finally starting to warm up which pleased Crowley to no end. She had been miserable all winter. Zira learned quickly to not bother suggesting date ideas that involve going outside. They instead traded cuddling up on each others couches with a movie or ordered food in. Zira would listen to Crowley complain about having to trudge through the snow to get to work and how she envied Zira living above her business. Zira would worry as she did every winter about the slowdown of clientele and Crowley would jokingly point out that Zira hated selling any of the books anyhow and that Tracy’s seven other side business kept the place open. 

“Oh! Michael called yesterday. Gina and the girls are settled into their new home. The girls have started making friends at their new school as well.” Zira announces.

“Good I’m glad they’re doing well. Gabriel get Sandy to sign the divorce papers?” Crowley asks.

“Yes and they should be processed soon.”

“Then poor things can be finally done with the bastard.” 

“She also told me she’s convinced Gabriel to go on a vacation, finally. He’s planning a camping trip for himself to surround himself with nature for a week.” 

“I can’t imagine him in the woods for some reason.” Crowley laughs.

“Neither can I honestly but long as it works for him.” Zira agrees.

As they reached South Downs Zira directed them to the little cottage she rented out for the week. She kept the location and look of the cottage a secret from Crowley. It was her Christmas gift after all. On Zira’s instruction Crowley pulls into the driveway of a small one story cottage. The perimeter of the property was a stone wall covered in ivy. The cottage itself looked like it was ripped straight from an old English fairy tale. It was very Zira and Crowley loved every bit of it. 

“Hell of a place you’ve found angel.” Crowley whistles.

“Do you like it?” She asks.

“I love it. It reminds me of you, how could I not?” She answers.

“Flatterer.” 

Zira went to find the key in the mailbox and open up the cottage while Crowley collected as many of their bags as she could. She followed Zira into the cozy living room and back into the kitchen. It was an open floor plan with a hallway off to the side. Crowley presumed it lead back to the bedroom. She dropped the bags down in the living room and looked around.

“The owner said they left some basic cooking essentials in case we’d like to make dinner for one night.” Zira mentions.

“How nice of them. Maybe you can finally teach me a thing or two in the kitchen.” Crowley suggests.

“Certainly darling, that sounds like fun. I do have one activity planned if you don’t mind.” She tells her.

“Oh yeah?” 

“MmHmm. I never did make good on my promise to your scars.” Zira says very casually.

It takes Crowley a moment to realize exactly what she meant. When she did figure it out she could feel herself grow hot. Zira’s ability to say such things as if she were discussing the mail never ceased to surprise Crowley. 

“Yesss, you haven’t my naughty little angel.” Crowley hissed.

“Well why don’t you grab the rest of our things from the car and we go check out the bedroom?” Zira suggests.

Zira had never seen Crowley move so quickly before. She watched her dart out of the cottage and in seconds returned with an arm full of bags. She dumps them all onto the couch and marched over to Zira. She takes her angel by surprise as she scoops her up into her arms.

“Crowley! I’m far too heavy for you to be carrying me.” Zira whines. 

“Nonsense.” Crowley insists and carries her back into the bedroom. 

Crowley woke up in utter bliss the next morning. Zira had made more than good on her promise. It was a slow almost tortuous process but Crowley loved every minute of it. Over the last few months Zira had noticed a few of Crowley’s scars giving her a bit of an advantage. Once she honed in on each one Crowley would tell her a quick story of where they came from, that is until it got hard to breathe let alone talk. Crowley rolls over to find Zira gone but her side of the bed was warm. Her angel must have just got up. 

After a minute Zira comes shuffling out of the bathroom, letting out a pained moan. She looked miserable as she curled herself up back under the covers. Crowley pulls herself to sit up and pets Zira’s head.

“What’s wrong angel?” She asks.

“Woke up with the worst sort of cramps.” Zira complains.

“Oh my poor little dove.” 

Crowley had recently thrown in the new pet name here and there. Zira quite liked though angel would forever be her favorite, not that she would ever admit it. Dove was sweet though and sounded wonderful when she wanted to be comforted. 

“I’ve been so caught up with planning this trip I lost track of the month. I should have seen it coming though I do get a bit randy before it hits.” Zira tells her.

“It’s okay angel, shit happens. We all get busy and forget stuff.”

“Yes but I have so many things planned. This week is supposed to be for you, I don’t want to ruin it.” Zira worries.

“Angel as long as I’m with you I don’t give a shite what we do. This all is an incredibly sweet gesture but I’ll be happy as long as I’m right by your side and as long as you're happy too. I don’t want to drag you around if you’re in pain and miserable.” Crowley tells her.

Zira felt a swell of love. It was wonderful having someone care for and about her. A small stubborn twinge of guilt still bubbled under the surface. Crowley seemed to recognize it in her and interrupts before she could even think to protest. 

“Let’s just call today a lay in and we’ll see how you’re feeling tomorrow? Take it one day at a time?” Crowley suggests.

“I suppose that’s a good compromise.” Zira relents.

“Perfect! Then I'll be right back.” Crowley says and leaps out of bed.

“Where are you going?” Zira asks, already morning the loss of her presence.

“I’m just going to pop out and get a few supplies for our day in . I’ll be back super quick. You get some rest.” Crowley explains.

Crowley leans down to give her a quick kiss before finding her discarded jeans on the floor and tugging them on. Today was one of those days she was thankful she could get away with not wearing a bra. She was far too comfortable to deal with that damn thing. She instead ops to just pulling her shirt back on. She smirks at Zira who was pretending not to watch her dress.

“Don’t worry angel, I’ll be less clothed again when I get back.” She teases.

Zira blushes and throws the comforter over her head to hide her face. Crowley chuckles and kisses the top of Zira’s covered head.

“I’ll be back in a pip my sweet little dove.” Crowley calls before leaving the room.

Zira hears the front door of the cottage and the sound of the Bentley’s engine. She pulls the comforter off of her head and nestled into the mattress properly. She ends up curled up to give herself some bit of relief from the pain. What a miserable thing to start their vacation off with. Though technically last night was the start and what a way to kick it off. Zira did not plan to break in the cottage’s bedroom that quickly but she couldn’t help herself. She was not often the assertive one in bed but Crowley seemed to enjoy being at Zira’s whim. 

Crowley returns a half and hour or so later with two shopping bags full of things. She dumps them both onto the bed and sits cross legged onto the mattress. Zira smiles and gives her a questioning look.

“What is all of this darling?” She asks.

“Well first I grabbed you some pain killers.” Crowley says.

She hands Zira the pill bottle and a bottle of water. Zira takes it with a grateful smile.

“I also found you an electric heating pad, s’poused to help with cramps but I’m borrowing it next winter. Then I got you some bath bombs in case you wanna soak in the tub later. Oo and I thought it might be fun to do some face masks, have a spa day you know? I found this really pretty blue nail polish that reminded me of your eyes if you don’t mind me painting your nails.” Crowley explains.

She pulls out each item to show Zira as she explained. It was all so thoughtful and sweet Zira could not help but tear up a little. Her emotions were already a little sensitive so it was no surprise that she started to cry. Crowley cupped her cheeks with hands and attempted to wipe away the tears.

“I’m sorry darling. I can’t help it. This is all wonderful, thank you.” Zira tells her. 

“S’nothing really. I also bought some tea to make for us. Would you like breakfast?” 

“Mmm no I think I’ll wait till lunch. Hopefully I’ll be feeling a little better by then.” Zira decides.

“Okay. You take your meds and curl up with the pad and I’ll go make some tea.” Crowley instructs.

Zira opts for the highest setting on the heating pad to start, desperate for any sort of relief. The thing showed her mercy by warming up quickly. She sighs in relief at the warmth pressed against her. Crowley returned shortly with a cup of steaming tea and hands it over to Zira.

“Thank you Darling. Would you mind doing my nails while I wait for the meds to kick in?” Zira asks.

“Of course angel.” 

Crowley grabs the polish from the bag and scoots closer to Zira. She decides to start with Zira’s left hand. It was the closest and would allow Zira to drink some of her tea while she worked.

“Can I ask you something darling?” Zira requests.

“Shoot.” Crowley answers.

“Well you know my birthday is in June. Why won’t you tell me yours? I understand not wanting to make a big to do over your birthday but I’d still like to know.” Zira questions.

Crowley pauses her movements for a moment. She sighs and grimaces.

“That’s because I don’t know my real one.” Crowley admits.

Zira stops herself from reacting as shocked as she was. She stays quiet and lets Crowley continues.

“The foster mother I spent the longest with would celebrate the day she took us all in as our birthdays instead. Said it was since most kids had bad memories with their real birthdays so this way made it a little happier. Not that I cared much to celebrate my birthdays.” Crowley explains.

“I suppose that makes some sense. Don’t you have your birth certificate though?” Zira questions.

“Yeah, it’s shoved away in the back of my closet. I can’t stand looking at the thing. To see _ her _name crudely scribbled out and the father I never knew name but yet I’m named after sat there alone.” Crowley answers. 

“I’m sorry my darling I should have figured it would be painful for you.” Zira says with a frown.

Crowley just shrugs it off.

“S’fine.”

“How on earth do you get by? Don’t you need it for nearly every form in existence?” Zira ponders aloud.

Crowley cracks a smile.

“A lot of convincing lying and I got a new certificate printed up with my foster mothers made up birthday.” She answers.

“Okay I’m going to stop asking questions now. I don’t want to know.” 

“S’nothing illegal, mostly. I kept the year the same, i knew that at least. I just changed the month and day. The fake one is April 12th by the way.” Crowley tells her.

“Crowley! That’s already passed.” Zira pouts.

“Yes and you said you wouldn’t make a big deal about it.” Crowley reminds her.

Zira continues to pout.

“Fine. I suppose valentines day and Christmas is enough to dote on you.” Zira says with a disappointed sigh much like a child who was denied desert. 

Crowley chuckles.

“It’s not a big deal angel really.” Crowley insists.

“You know darling, if you’d like I can look at your real one for you. If you want to know it, that way you won’t have to look at the paper yourself.” Zira offers.

“You really want to know that badly?” Crowley teases. “Look, I’ll...i’ll think about it okay?” Crowley relents.

“Of course darling. I’m sorry I don’t mean to push the issue.” 

“No it’s okay. I haven’t really dealt with my family issues like I probably should.” 

“Well you were so supportive of me with my family so I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about it.” Zira tells her.

Crowley nods and mumbles a thanks. She concentrates on finishing up Zira’s right hand. With the last nail painted to her satisfaction Crowley screws the cap back onto the nail polish why she adjusts.

“Okay now keep that hand still for a while.” Crowley instructs.

Zira nods and opts to set her hand flat against her thigh. Crowley crawls over her to sit on the other side of Zira. 

“Crowley! Careful you’ll get the blanket on all your hard work!” Zira gasps pulling her painted hand back in time. 

“Sorry angel!” 

Crowley settled in and rests the polish bottle on her leg like before. It made Zira nervous but elected not to say anything. She prayed silently that her chaotic and clumsy partner would not make a terrible mess on their first full day here. 

“I’m thinking after lunch we can watch some movies?” Zira asks.

“Sure, we also need to finish watching Bake Off.” Crowley adds.

“Oh yes! I do miss Mary Berry though.” Zira says rather sadly.

“We all do angel.” 

“Tracy fancies Paul Hollywood.” Zira tells her.

“How does that not surprise me? Ol’ Hollywood is a better suitor than Shadwell in my opinion.” 

“Shadwell is certainly an acquired taste. Not that I much authority on judging male suitors given the circumstances.” 

“Never gave blokes a go before you figured out you’re gay?” Crowley asks.

“Well of course. I tried out of fear of my family. I tried kissing a boy in my class who fancied me and it was horrible. I felt bad turning him down after that.” Zira answers.

“Poor boy.” Crowley snickers. “I got as far as taking one to bed when I was drinking. Turns out the mere sight of a dick weirds me out. I panicked and the nerves plus alcohol and I just ended up hurling on him. Needless to say I got out of the whole situation after that.” Crowley tells her. 

“That’s terrible! You poor thing.” Zira fusses.

“Never tell anyone about that, it’s one of my least cool moments. Like I said I did a lot of stupid shite when I drank too much.” 

“I won’t tell a soul.” Zira promises. “You mentioned your first girlfriend before did she help you realize?” She asks.

“Ah yeah kind of. I mean I pretty much knew but Eva certainly helped.” Crowley answers.

That was the first time Crowley had ever spoke her name. Other than when they had opened up to each other in the shop last year Crowley rarely mentioned her. Like now it usually just made her uncomfortable. Perhaps it had to do with the overdose?

“I’m sorry darling I don’t mean to make you talk about her. I shouldn’t pry so much.”

“Really angel it’s okay. If anyone in this world I’d want to know all the sorted details of my past it’s you. I trust you with them Zira.” Crowley tells her.

“Well that certainly means a lot to me and for the record I trust you with mine as well. You already know pretty much all of it.” 

Crowley smirks.

“Almost? You keeping stuff now angel?” She teases.

“Of course not darling just leaving a margin of error in case there's something I’ve forgotten over the years.” Zira retorts.

“Fair enough. Okay, hand two is done. Try not to move them too much till my timer goes off.” Crowley announces.

She sets the polish bottle onto the nightstand and sets up a timer on her phone. Zira admires her freshly painted nails with a pleased smile.

“They’re beautiful darling, Thank you!” she beams. 

"To match you my dove." Crowley tells her.

Crowley leans over to press a soft kiss to her lips. Zira continues to lovingly beam at her that is till Crowley climbs over her again to nestle into the empty side of the bed again. 

"Since we're killing time I suppose I can tell you the sad tale of my wild younger days." Crowley offers, starting up at the ceiling.

"It's not necessary really darling." Zira insists.

Zira would be lying if she said she wasn't curious about her partners past. Crowley just passes it off as simple drunken antics but she had a feeling it was more complex than that. She also meant it that she didn't want to push Crowley into talking about it if she wasn't ready. 

"Zira I mean it I want you to know." Crowley tells her turning her head to give her an earnest reassuring smile.

Zira nods and let's Crowley continue.

"Well I met Eva at a nightclub. She was partier and at that time I wanted to distract myself from my problems with alcohol and loud music. She was fun but she also had a habit of doing various party drugs to have her fun. Eventually it turned into just getting her high at home and when she wasn’t out at clubs. I got tired of it and was worried about her. So I tried to get her to go get help. We argued about it a lot and one of those arguments got really bad. The drugs made her crazy she would get these fits of blind rage. She...she threw this crystal candy dish at me. S’where the scare by my ear came from. I kicked her out after that. Two days later I get a call from the police. They found her passed out in an alley in White chapel and took her to the hospital. She died there and they wanted me to ID her. They had her phone and I was the only number she really texted regularly.” Crowley tells her, looking up at the ceiling.

She was too chicken to watch Zira’s very expressive face react to the story.

“Oh Crowley I’m so sorry. That’s awful.” Zira breathes.

“We had a very toxic relationship, I realize that now but I did blame myself for a while. I used alcohol as a coping mechanism already and it got worse after that. That’s when I got into all of those bar fights and other very risky behaviors. The worst of it was I and some friends were messing about near the Thames and I fell into the river. My so called friends took off thinking I died. I got lucky an off duty officer had been walking by and saw me fall in. I nearly drowned and got even luckier that my bag and some other debris broke the surface tension on the water so I didn’t die on impact. I didn’t even break a bone just some bruises. The cop however didn’t see us messing around just me falling. He thought I jumped. I was forced to be evaluated after that. 

I was already dealing with depression and other shit so that didn’t help my cause. I was mandated to see a therapist. They were convinced I was suicidal. I insisted I wasn’t. I honestly just fell into the river. The therapist explained to me that all the drinking and wild behavior, being so risky was a distraction yes but also a subconscious way of me saying I didn’t care what happened to me. It didn’t matter if I got into fights, drank too much, or played around near a river because I didn’t care whether I made it out unscaved or not. It...it made a lot of sense. It was a much needed slap in the face.

I stopped drinking, I do on occasion now but like before. I stopped going out to bars and starting fights. Met the Dagon’s got a good job and focused my energy into the Hell Hole and my plants and it’s helped tremendously. You’ve helped me too. I haven’t been this happy in a long fucking time.” Crowley continues.

Crowley risks taking a peak at Zira. Her angel was visibly upset, red face and falling tears. The timer goes off with a loud beeping. Zira immediately moves to to hug her, Crowley turns to her side to better embrace her. Zira rests her head against the top of Crowley’s and sobs.

“Angel?” Crowley calls.

“I can’t imagine life without you and I tried to think of what it would be like to lose you and….” Zira tries to explain through sobs.

Crowley pulls away enough to slide up so that their foreheads were touching and she could properly look at Zira.

“Angel, I promise you I'm not going anywhere anytime soon okay? I’ll fight every demon in hell and every angel in heaven to stay here on earth with you. I didn’t mean to scare you with all of this.” Crowley tells her.

“I’m sorry for blubbering on you darling I’m just so happy you’re here.” Zira says with a few sniffles thrown in.

“I am too angel. Like I said I’m in a much better place now. You make me so goddamn happy I’m a little disgusted with myself.” Crowley says with a soft chuckle.

Zira grins through her tears which were now slowing down.

“You make me disgustingly happy too.” Zira agrees.

Crowley pushes forward and presses a soft sweet kiss to Zira’s lips. Zira eagerly returned it and by proxy extended it for a few moments more. 

“Sorry for making you cry.” Crowley says barely an inch away from Zira’s mouth.

“It’s okay. I was bound to be emotional about something today. I’d rather it be you. I love you so very much darling.” Zira tells her.

Crowley cracks a smile.

“I love you too.”

“Well after all of that, I’m starting to feel a bit peckish.” Zira announces.

“How’s about I go see what I can whip up for lunch?” Crowley suggests.

“Are you sure darling? You’ve admitted your not one for cooking.” Zira questions.

“I can handle lunch angel. I do feed myself when I’m not with you.” Crowley insists.

“Takeout doesn’t count dearest.” Zira teases.

“Oh I’ll show you angel.” Crowley huffs.

Zira chuckles and Crowley rolls herself out of bed and bounces out of the room. Crowley stares at the contents of the fridge while mentally kicking herself. Damn her stubborn ‘I’ll show you’ attitude. Now what was she going to do? She spots a container of pre packaged soup. She grabs it to inspect it. The label was by the looks of it from a local cafe. The soup was called “Nana’s cure all chicken noodle.”. That sounded perfect. She could handle warming up soup. While she waited for the soup she decides to heat up the rest of their morning tea. 

“That smells lovely darling.” Zira’s voice chimes through the kitchen.

“I was going to bring you it in bed. It’s soup.” Crowley tells her.

“That’s sweet but I should really stretch my legs a little.” Zira says taking a seat at the island bar.

“Can’t have you going all jelly legged on me. Lunch will be ready in a minute.” Crowley says.

Crowley grabs a pair of bowls from one of the overhead cabinets. She scoops out an even amount into each and sets one down in front of Zira. She grabs a spoon with a grateful smile and dips into the soup right away. Crowley could hear a pleased hum come from Zira behind her as she grabbed the kettle.

“Top off your tea angel?” Crowley asks, turning back to her.

“Yes please, this is quite delicious.” Zira compliments. 

She knew full well Crowley could not have made soup herself in that amount of time but her lovely partner deserved a win. Crowley put an exornamante amount of effort into making her feel better and it was all lovely. Crowley sets the kettle back down and joins Zira at the bar. The soup was quite good. A classic chicken broth with a hint of ginger and just the right amount of noodles. 

“I say we watch a bit of bake off in the living room, for a bit of a change of scenery.” Zira suggests once her bowl was empty.

She looks over to see Crowley tipping her bowl back a bit, pressed against her lips, draining the dish of any all broth leftover. Zira gives her an amused smile.

“What? The broth is always the best part of soup.” Crowley says, wiping her mouth dry of broth droplets.

“Yes it was well seasoned. Shame to waste any of it.” Zira agrees.

“Go ahead and set up the show. I’ll handle dishes.” Crowley instructs.

Zira lasts through two and a half episodes before she is fully slumped against Crowley, eyes shut and breathing out soft sort of snores. She could feel her angel slowly relaxing and sinking more and more against her shoulder. Zira fought it for awhile but eventually the sleep won. Crowley pauses the show and flips over to something else for a while, not wanting her angel to miss out. She stayed still as she possibly could to not wake her. Eventually Crowley’s arm and shoulder grew stiff and uncomfortable. She considered briefly just cutting the arm off or just letting it die slowly rather than waking Zira. she however gave in and shook her gently.

“Hmmm. I’m sorry my darling. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you.” Zira appolgizes, wiping the sleep from her eyes. .

She yawns and she stretches out. Crowley tries not to stare as Zira’s shirt rode up slightly exposing a bit of her soft creamy skin. _ Control yourself, Crowley. _

“S’alright angel. Nice nap?” Crowley asks.

“Yes, quite.” Zira says with a nod. “ Who won the last episode?” Zira asks.

“I paused so we could watch it together late.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh, well thank you darling. You know I think I could go for that nice soak now. The worst part of periods they just leave you feeling gross.” Zira says.

“Unfortunate side of having female reproductive organs. Not like the internal parts are going to be put to much use with us. I have absolutely no intentions carrying any children.” Crowley adds.

“Neither do I honestly. I do like children, though.” Zira tells her.

“I have considered adopting a poor kid, you know save ‘em from foster care since no one ever did it for me.” Crowley admits.

Zira smiles.

“That sound’s lovely darling. Very commendable. I quite like the idea myself.”

“ You do?” Crowley asks a bit timidly.

“Yes as I said I’m not overly fond of the idea of physically having a child so that really only leaves a few options. That one I think would suit us best.” Zira answers.

“Us?” Crowley practically squeaks, her face quickly flushing.

“Well yes. You are my girlfriend and I don’t intend to rid of you so that leaves it as us.” Zira argues.

“Yes but children is a big thing to just bring up.” Crowley insists.

“I suppose but so is marriage. You and I have well established our intentions for that. You constantly remind me that you want to marry me. I’m not suggesting we go out and get a kid tomorrow. I’m just saying that in the future I think it's a rather lovely thought having a little family with you.” Zira explains.

Crowley would be lying if she said her heart didn’t beat a little faster at the thought or that she may have a time or two imagined what it would be like having a child with Zira. It was utterly domestic and down right sickeningly sweet but Crowley still found herself wanting every bit of it. Hearing that her angel wants it too was nearly too much for Crowley’s poor heart to handle. 

“I do too.” Crowley says quietly, she nearly had no air left to breathe.

Zira gives her smile full of brightness and love. She leans forward and presses a soft kiss to Crowley’s cheek.

“Good, I’m glad we’re on the page darling. I’m going to start my bath. Come keep me company?” Zira requests.

Unable to speak properly still Crowley nods. Zira leaves her to pull herself back together. Crowley runs a hand through her hair and lets out a held in breath, she had not realized she was holding. The sound of water rushing echoes into the living room. She takes a moment to call Dagon and steps out into the back yard.

“Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying Downs?” Dagon’s voice asks at the pick up.

“Yeah, I am but I’m also panicking and you’re good at talking me down.” Crowley tells her.

“I’m not your damn therapist.” Dagon grumbles. 

She hears her friend sigh.

“What’s wrong?” Dagon asks.

“Not wrong. We just got into talking about kids and how it’d be nice to adopt and shit.” Crowley explains.

“So? A lot of couples talk about future shit like that. Do you not like the idea or something? If so you shouldn’t lie about it.” Dagon asks.

“No I do want it. I just...I don’t know if it's just a lot I guess since I had such a shit childhood I want to give my kids the best damn life that I never had. What if it turns out I’m shit with kids? I don’t want to disappoint Zira or ruin some kids life.” Crowley vomits out.

“Red you’re worrying about something that isn’t a reality yet. You and Zira have lots of time to talk about this stuff before you get a kid. Take a breath, enjoy your vacation and next time you and Zira talk about having kids tell her about your anxieties. Zira loves you, she’ll listen and you two can work it out together.” Dagon instructs.

“Right yeah, you’re right.” Crowley tells her.

“Course I am. I’ve always been the smart one in the group.” 

“No argument here. Sorry for bothering you.” 

The water sounds were gone when she re entered the cottage. She heads back into the bedroom, tossing her phone onto the bed, and steps into the bathroom. Zira was nestled into the steaming bath, a thin layer of bubbles on top of the water. Zira had her head resting against the back of the large soaker tub, eyes closed and a relaxed smile on her face.

“This was a fantastic idea darling.” Zira says, not opening her eyes nor moving an inch.

“I’ve got a few of those from time to time.”

“The lavender bath bomb is a great touch.” Zira adds.

Crowley perches herself up on the toilet. Zira cracks an eye open to peer at her partner.

"Everything alright my darling?" Zira asks.

"Perfect angel." Crowley smiles.

"I'm looking forward to the rest of the week." 

"Me too. I saw a few restaurants we should try out for dinners." Crowley reports.

"Wonderful! For tonight, how about I teach you how to make something?" Zira suggests.

"Sure angel."


	17. All the Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There needs to stop being holidays, they ruin my writing schedule lol. Anyways here's something short and sweet for the new year. I had to do too much google research for this chapter so my apologies if anything is slightly off.

In the moment Zira figured spaghetti would be simple enough to teach Crowley. She even gave Crowley the simple job of babysitting the pasta as it boiled. Their meal turned out well at the expense of poor Crowley. She stood over the boiling pot like a nervous mother hen. Zira had to stop her several times from prying the lid off to check the pasta.

“It won’t cook if you keep taking the lid off.” Zira scolds her.

“How am I supposed to know if the water has all boiled out or if the pastas done or..” Crowley rushes out in one panicked breath.

Zira takes her face into her hands and gives her one of her famous calmingly sweet smiles.

“You can hear the water is still boiling so there's still water. Let it sit for five minutes at least. Then you can check it again.” Zira tells her.

Crowley nods.

Zira distracts her with being a taste tester for the sauce and explaining everything in. It worked well enough. Once the pasta was strained out and dumped into the sauce Crowley settled down. 

“Not to be dramatic but this is the best spaghetti sauce I’ve ever had.” Crowley tells her.

Zira huffs out a small laugh.

“Well the secret is to use twice the amount of garlic that they tell you to use.” Zira says.

“M’glad neither of us is a vampire then.” Crowley jokes.

“Sounds like something a vampire would say.” Zira teases.

Zira woke up the next morning feeling worlds better. They decide to drive out to the Planetarium. Zira enjoyed watching Crowley’s eyes light up like a child on Christmas. They sat through a couple of shows in the dome theatre, one about Northern Lights and the other about planets. The effects of the globe projector were fascinating to Zira. She had never seen anything quite like it. It was almost like being out looking at the sky. It gave her a rather brilliant idea. She caught sight of Crowley a few times and a smile never left her face. 

“Crowley? Could we stop by a market on the way home? I have something I’d like to do for us for dinner.” Zira asks as they walked back to the bentley.

“Sure angel. Care to fill me in or is this a surprise?” Crowley asks.

“Surprise.” She answers with a smile.

They find a little market on a street with a few other shops. Crowley decides to pursue what the street shops had to offer so Zira could shop for her surprise alone. One shop in particular caught her eye right away, it was full of vintage and antique items. What really attracted her to it was a display in the window of antique jewelry. By the time she left the shop, her purchase stashed in her jacket pocket, she spotted Zira exiting the market with a few bags. 

“All set then angel?” Crowley calls to her.

“Yes I believe so. Find anything interesting?” She asks back.

“Nah.” she lies.

Her hands were shoved in her pockets, one fishing for car keys while the other held onto the small soft box. On the drive back to the cottage Crowley teased Zira by trying to pry the surprise from her. It was mostly a distraction for Crowley. She did not want to act too suspiciously like she was obviously hiding something. All Zira gave away was it was a creative dinner for the two of them. 

“I’m going to take a nap, wake me for dinner?” Crowley requests.

“Of course dearest. Works better for me so you don’t see the surprise.” Zira agrees.

Crowley leaves her with a quick parting kiss and heads for the bedroom. The first thing she does is take the box out from her pocket. She runs her fingers over the box lid, they were a little shaky. She stashes it safely into her luggage. She had not planned to buy one so early but it was too perfect to leave behind. Now she just had to swallow back the nerves and anticipation until she figured out the right time to give it to Zira. 

She could ask Anathema, she was Zira’s best friend after all. Her assistance in planning the perfect occasion could be invaluable. She decides to approach her once they returned from South Downs. She just hoped Anathema could keep a secret better than her own friends. Dagon could well enough but her sister however was dreadful at it. She never intentionally told other people's business it just always slipped out of her mouth. The girl had no filter. Somehow Crowley was able to fall asleep for a bit. Being around crowds always drained her. 

“Crowley, my love?” Zira’s voice calls softly.

Her eyes flutter open to see Zira sat on the edge of the bed. Her angel smiled down at her.

“Time to eat?” Crowley asks.

“Yes, come see what I’ve set up out back.” Zira requests.

Zira leads her out behind the cottage Just over the garden wall out in the open field Crowley could see a lit fire pit. The sun was starting to set as she followed Zira out to the fire pit. There was a blanket, tartan or course, spread out on the grass by the fire. 

“I thought we could have dinner while the sun sets then watch the stars for a bit.” Zira explains.

“This is a fantastic idea!” Crowley grins.

“I had the thought while at the planetarium.”

They settle in on the blanket and Zira starts to pull out items from the wicker picnic basket. First was wine, a lovely french red, with a charcuterie plate Zira had thrown together. There was a mix of cheeses, some sliced up baguettes, a small vine of grapes and a homemade olive oil and herb dip. 

“Feed me grapes, so I can feel like a Roman emperor?” Crowley requests.

Zira chuckles as Crowley flops back to lay down on the blanket. 

“Of course my liege.” Zira jokes.

She picks a grape off of the vine and presses it lightly to Crowley’s lips. She accepts it gladly.

“Could get used to you calling me that.” Crowley teases with a grin.

Zira rolls her eyes.

“Don’t hold your breath my love. Would you like to try this cave aged cheese I found? Thought it sounded interesting.” Zira inquires.

“They age cheese in a cave?” Crowley questions.

“Yes I suppose they do.” 

“Huh, We should get a cheese cave.” Crowley says.

“Where on earth are we fitting a cheese cave in London?” Zira questions.

“I’m sure I can figure it out.” 

Most of her options involved digging behind the bookshop and Crowley figured that would be a hard no from Zira. Perhaps a cellar could work? As she pondered Zira offered up a little piece of the cave cheese. It was a sharp bold flavor but very good. Her taste buds went haywire upon it entering her mouth. 

“Good?” Zira asks.

“Very. Want to try?” Crowley asks, sitting back up.

Zira smiles and nods. She fully anticipated Crowley feeding her cheese like she had. Instead Crowley leans forward pressing a kiss to her lips. Zira could taste the sweetness of the grapes on her tongue but also something else pungent and bitter. That had to be the cheese. Crowley pulls back with a mischievous grin.

“You don’t have to trick me into kissing you darling.” Zira teases.

“S’not a trick. I was merely sharing. Sharing after all is caring.” Crowley teases back.

“How kind of you dearest. Shall we dig into the main course?” Zira suggests.

“Let’s.”

Zira digs into the picnic basket. Crowley should not have been surprised to see Zira had prepared savory stuffed crepes for them. They were filled with egg, ham and cheese. Crowley teased her by asking if they were having desert crepes afterwards. Zira did surprise her with angel food cake. Crowley was not one for sweets but for whatever reason angel food cake was a weakness. As the sky turned completely dark the pair lay back onto the blanket together. Crowley stared up at the sky littered with stars in wonder and awe. She had never seen anything quite like it in person. She had seen plenty of photos but experiencing it herself knocked the air from her lungs. 

“Wow.” she gasps aloud.

“It really is something huh?” Zira comments.

Zira had seen the night sky in full effect many times. It was one of the few blessings of living in a small country village. 

“One of the few memories I have of my Mother was her sitting out somewhere with me to look at the stars. She used to tell me that one of them was my father. I realize now she would just point out a random one or agree to whatever star I chose.” Crowley tells her.

“I suppose that’s a rather nice way of explaining death to a child.” Zira says.

“That’s assuming he really is dead. Who knows with that woman.” Crowley grumbles.

Zira decides to change the subject. Talking about Crowley’s mother always put her in a sour mood, not that Zira could blame her but this vacation was supposed to be about making Crowley have fun and be happy.

“Do you know any constellations out tonight?” Zira asks.

“Hmmm.” Crowley hums.

She starts to scan the sky above them till she hit over one she knew.  
“That guy over there is Canes Venatici which is latian for hunting dogs. The dogs, Asterion and Chara, are held onto by Bootes the Huntsman a nearby constellation as they hunt for bears in the night sky.” Crowley explains pointing out the v shaped constellation. 

“Is there a bear constellation then?” Zira asks.

“Yeah Ursa Major is just north of the dogs while their master Bootes is to the east of them.” Crowley answers.

“Is that boxy collection of stars over there one?” Zira asks pointing off away from the dogs.

“Very observant angel, that is Corvus the crow. Its and ancient constellation that we have identification from even the Babyloians but to them it was a Raven. Their god of rain and storms saw Corvus as sacred. The ancient Greeks changed it to a crow. They believed Apollo threw the bird into the sky after failing to fetch water and instead wasted time eating figs.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh! I think I know that story. Apollo punished the bird to be forever thirsty and that's why crows caw so harshly instead of singing beautifully like other birds.” Zira adds.

“That’s the one.” Crowley confirms.

“That one over there that looks like a stick drawing of a person is Virgo, is it not?” Zira asks.

“The maidan yes. Over the years Virgo has been represented by many goddesses. Romans saw her as Ceres, mother of Prosperina. Babyloians thought of her as the goddess Shala’s ear of grain. She’s also been thought of as the virgin goddess Astraea. Virgo typically is drawn as a maiden with angelic wings and holding ears of grain.” 

“How fascinating! I see why you like stars and space stuff.” Zira says.

“You just like the stories.” Crowley teases. “ Space is just so vibrant and colorful despite being surrounded in darkness. It’s vast and mysterious, what’s not to love?” She adds.

“What would you say is one of your favorite stars, constellations or other space things?” Zira asks.

Crowley cracks an amused smile at ‘space things’.

“Alpha Centauri. It's a nearby star system. It has these two stars that appear to the naked eye as one big star. For ages we thought it was just one star. The two are so close together it’s hard to tell them apart. They're literally named Alpha Centauri A and B.” Crowley explains.

“That’s sort of romantic.” Zira gushes.

“How so?”

“Well if you think of the stars as people, it’s two people who are so close they’re almost as one singular being. It’s beautiful.” Zira explains.

“Yeah I guess when you put it that way it is.” Crowley agrees.

Crowley in a quick movement rolled over and swung one of her long legs over Zira to straddle her hips. Zira gasps at the surprise of it.

“What do ya say to you and I getting so close that we can be perceived as one?” Crowley asks in her best flirity tone.

The eyebrow wiggle however just makes Zira snort a laugh.

“Crowley! We’re outside!” Zira scolds scandalized.

“So, we’re also in the country with no other house around for nearly ten kilometers.” Crowley argues.

Zira blushed furiously.

“I’m just teasing angel. We should start heading back in though. The fires dying out.” Crowley says.

“We should.” Zira agrees. “That was an awful pick up line anyways.” she jokes.

“But it still made you blush so I win.” Crowley points out.

Crowley kisses her cheek before Zira could protest and helps her angel to her feet. 

  
They go back to the planetarium again that week and Crowley tested Zira to see if she could spot constellations on her own. She gave her angel solid advice on how to easily find and tell them apart. They decide to drive out to Brighton for a day. Zira proposed they grab something to eat and go shopping in North Laine. Crowley had to pry her away from every vintage in fear they’d waste the whole day in one shop. After some convincing they end the day out on the Royal Pier. Zira was a tad reluctant at first but ended up enjoying pretending to be teenagers on a carnival date. 

The rest of the week they decide to spend lounging around the cottage, enjoying each others company was plenty enough. 

“I’d kill to have a real garden like the one here.” Crowley says on one lazy afternoon.

“It’s not much but you can always have some of the space behind the shop. I’m sure Tracy wouldn’t mind.” Zira offers.

“You think she’d go for it?” Crowley asks.

“Of course! She adores you and your poor plants deserve a bit more than a small section rooftop. Then you’ll just have to come by more often.” Zira explains.

“Ah there it is, the ulterior motive.” Crowley teases. “Like We don’t already see each other damn near everyday.”

“Yes but it could be everyday.” Zira points out.

“You have always been the smarter one of us two.” Crowley tells her.

“So you would do it?” She asks.

“Of course! It’s a win win for me.”

Zira beams.

“Wonderful, i’ll talk to Tracy when we get back.”


	18. A night at the Ritz

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ritz London's website was down for a day while I was trying to research their menus for this chapter and I 100% blame this fandom for that lol

Zira sat on Crowley’s bed with box crudely labeled “Family shit” in black marker. Crowley busied herself with prepping her plants for transplantation. That kept her mind away from the thought of that box being opened. Zira flips through a stack of papers till she found what she was looking for. She did not want to pry into Crowley’s past too much. She had permission to look at the birth certificate and that was all she was going to do. The first thing to catch her eye was of course the dark ink scribbles in an attempt to black out the name next to Mother Name. Part of it was still visible but all Zira could really see was an L and possible an A. 

Next to Father's Name she saw clearly printed Anthony Jay Crowley. That at least checked out from what Crowley was told. Antonia Jaclyn Crowley born September 5th at 8:04 pm. Zira sets the paper pack into the box and pops the lid back on it. With her mission complete she sets out to find Crowley. She finds her in the kitchen pouring soil into a pot.

“Jaclyn?” Zira question.

Crowley sets down her trowel and turns with a sigh.

“Yes, Jaclyn.” Crowley confirms with a scowl.

“Settle darling I was only teasing. It’s a lovely name.” Zira tells her.

“You bet it is.”

“Anyways, it’s September 5th.” Zira informs her.

“September 5th?” Crowley questions, eyes wide in shock.

Zira smiles and nods in confirmation.

“You’re telling me I have the same birthday as Freddie fucking Mercury?” Crowley gasps.

“Is it?” Zira asks.

Crowley just nods. It was a simple silly thing but it made her unbelievably happy.

“That’s wonderful! We’ll have to do something special for it, if you’ll be up to it that is. Since I missed your fake birthday and all.” Zira suggests.

“Sure angel.” Crowley agrees.

“Really? You’ll let me plan something for your birthday?” She questions.

“Yes, yes. Just not gifts. Save if for Christmas or something.” Crowley tells her.

Zira smiles and does her happy little wiggle.

“You don’t have to get me anything for my birthday either.” 

Crowley of course already had set plans for her angels birthday. She learned quickly of Zira’s love for food. With a little help from Bee she managed to score a reservation for dinner that night. Crowley could never really understand how her sullen boss had so many connections in the city and was honestly too afraid to ask. Instead she just was grateful for the help. She kept Zira in the dark and only said to dress rather nice and be hungry. 

“Come on angel I want to make it on time for our reservation.” Crowley calls from the living room.

“I’m coming, i’m coming. I just had to find my cardigan.” She calls back, stepping out of her bedroom.

Her tan cardigan in hand as she starts to pull it on over her dress.

“It’s late June, why do you even need it? It’s far too warm for sleeves.” Crowley questions.

“Restaurants tend to be chilly and I feel more comfortable with my arms covered anyways.” Zira points out.

“Fair enough, but for the record you are perfect and gorgeous from head to toe.” Crowley tells her.

Crowley escorts her down to the Bentley, opening the door for her and everything.

“Not that I don’t mind the extra treatment darling but you certainly are being especially chivalrous tonight.” Zira points out as they start to drive.

“Yes well tonight is a very special evening. I’ve worked very hard to make it perfect.” Crowley tells her.

“You make it sound as if you plan to propose or something.” Zira jokes. “You’re not are you?!” Zira questions in a panic after a moment of silence from Crowley.

Crowley grins.

“Relax angel, that would be too cliche and cheesy.” Crowley assures her.

“Oh well good.”

“Besides I’ve already got a plan for that.” Crowley adds.

“You know I really can’t ever tell if your joking.” Zira complains.

“Good, s’part of the fun for me.” Crowley teases.

Zira tried to probe for hints of where they were going but Crowley kept it locked up tight. As they grew near though she hit Zira with a request.

“Close your eyes.” She requests.

“Really, Crowley?” Zira complains.

“Please?” 

“Oh, alright.” 

Zira cooperates letting Crowley assist her out of the car and guiding her along. She even does not protest when Crowley poses her to stand facing a certain direction. 

“Okay, open.” Crowley instructs.

Zira opens her eyes at the incredible building in front of her. She was more awestruck than she had ever been in her life. She had longed dreamed of dining at the Ritz. 

“Crowley I….” She starts to gasp.

“Your jaw is too lovely to be on the ground, angel.” Crowley says and gently taps under Zira’s chin.

Zira turns to her and throws her arms around Crowley’s neck. 

“This is so incredible darling. How on earth were you able to get us reservations?” Zira asks.

“Bee know’s the head chef.” Crowley explains simply.

Zira leans forward to press a kiss to her lips. It’s soft and sweet as she usually started these things. Crowley places a hand on her cheek to keep her there a bit longer. Crowley kisses her back long enough to earn a breathless gasp from her angel.

“Come on Angel, can’t be late for our reservation.” Crowley says.

Zira tried and failed to not be so starstruck as they were escorted back to their table. She admired every inch of the Ritz from the lighting to the walls, the ceiling, the tables and even the chairs. It was far more stunning in person than the pictures she had seen of it. Crowley caught her attention back by taking her hand in hers across the table. Zira squeezes her hand and smiles.

“Sorry darling, how could I forget that the most beautiful thing in the room is right here in front of me.” Zira tells her.

Crowley loses a battle to not blush and makes a disgusted noise.

“Really now angel that's a new form a sappy even for you.” Crowley says.

“Complain all you want my dearest but I’ll never stop telling how lovely you are.”

“Ngk. This is supposed to be me spoiling you.” Crowley tells her.

“My apologies darling. Please continue.” 

Two glasses of wine and a first course of Isle of Mull Scallops down and Zira’s cheeks had started to tint pink from the alcohol and a pleased smile from the food. For their main course they had the lamb. Crowley picked at hers and Zira happily finished the leftovers. Zira wanted to savor every bite of the meal. 

“You know Crowley.” Zira says as they wait for their desert. 

“Hmm?” Crowley hums.

“I really think we should go back to your flat tonight. I mean it is closer after all.”

Ever since they introduced sex into their relationship Crowley’s flat had become synonymous with one or the other wanting it. For one Crowley lived alone and didn’t give much of shit about her neighbors. Much to Crowley’s surprise Zira often initiated it first and being the cheeky bastard that she was, she usually did it in a coy fashion. This time however Crowley would have the upper hand for once.

“We could but I was hoping you’d join me upstairs.” Crowley says.

Under the table Crowley runs her foot, now slipped free from her heels, up Zira’s leg. She does so with a calm and nonchalant expression. Zira can not help the blush creeping across her face.

“You don’t mean you’ve gotten us a room here too?” Zira asks.

“Figured we’d experience everything the Ritz had too offer us.” Crowley says with a shrug. “Packed a pack some of your things you keep at mine. I checked us in and dropped our things off earlier today.” She adds.

“I really do love you.” Zira tells her.

Crowley in a rare moment woke before Zira. Her body was sore in best sort of way. She took her time last night to worship her angel properly. Her somewhat impatient and hedonistic to the core angel loved every second of it despite her protests to speed up the process. In return she did a bit of a number on Crowley in her response to her partners ministrations. 

Crowley loved every bit of it though. From the bite of Ziras nails on her back to the now purple bruise where Zira bit down to mask her noises as she climaxed. Crowley didn't mind a bit of pain , especially if it was from Zira enjoying herself. Crowley stretches a bit, alleviating a bit of the ache in her muscles. Zira stirs a bit and lets out a soft sigh. Crowley watches her with a smile. Her angels face was always somehow softer when she slept. She could not stop herself from reaching out and caressing Ziras face gently.

Zira sighs again and leans up into her touch. She hums happily and blinks open her eyes to smile at Crowley. God help her Crowley wanted to wake up every morning like this.

“Sweet dreams angel?” Crowley asks.

“They all are when I’m with you.” Zira answers.

“I’m thinking of testing out the shower. See how well the water pressure is and how quickly it heats up for a fancy hotel. Care to join me?” Crowley requests..

“I suppose if you promise to be good. I don’t think I have the energy to go another round with you and I’ve damaged you plenty enough.” Zira says.

“Fair enough. How bouts we get freshened up, pack, and grab a spot of lunch downstairs before we head home?” she suggests.

“Sounds lovely.” 

Crowley true to her word kept her hands to herself. The borderline burning hot water felt wonderful on her sore body. Zira tried to apologize but Crowley had none of it. After their shower Zira was delighted to find Crowley had packed her favorite lotion apart of her typical morning routine. It was simple but touching that Crowley noticed and remembered it. Crowley packed their things up as Zira got dressed. Zira always took a little longer dressing. She liked to take her time with things anyways. She was quite impressed watching Crowley do her makeup. She flew through it so quickly like she were on sinking ship.

“How on earth do you pull that all together so quickly?” Zira asks.

“Practice. I’ve had a habit of sleeping in till the last minute but if I do my makeup for work I tend to get better tips. So I adapted to speed running through it. Now I just like doing it.” Crowley explains.

“Well it’s quite the skill. I shouldn’t be surprised since your drawings are lovely and makeup is just another form of art.” 

“I’ve always been a more visual person, ironic since my eyesight is shite. You though are far better with words then I.” 

Zira smiles.

“Yes I suppose that happens when you spend more time with books than people.” She says with a chuckle.

“You’re a Shakespeare while I’m a Da Vinci.” 

“Oh darling you’re giving us both far too much credit.” 

The two share a laugh. Zira could not decide whether she like lunch or dinner at the Ritz better. They both were far more exquisite than she ever imagined. Before they left Crowley convinced Zira into taking photos together around the hotel. 

“For the book angel.” Crowley says.

“Oh alright.” Zira relents.

“And my Instagram.” Crowley mumbles.

“Crowley.” she warns disapprovingly.

“What? I have a stellar and gorgeous girlfriend. Is it so bad to want and flaunt it to strangers on the internet?” Crowley defends.

“Oh alright.” 

Crowley kisses her on the cheek.

“Thank you my lovely dove.” 

  
  
A week or so after Zira’s birthday Crowley found herself knocking on Anathema’s door. She nervously bounced on the balls of her feet until Anathema answered.

“Oh hello Crowley.” 

“Hey, can I get your advice on something?” she asks.

“Sure, come on in.” 

Crowley followed her into her living room and popped down onto her sofa. 

“Let me guess this has to do with Zira right?” Anathema guesses.

“Yeah. I’ve done something and now I don’t know what to do. How to proceed.” Crowley tells her.

“Well I’m assuming it’s nothing bad or I would have heard about it from Zira already and I’d be sacrificing my white status to make your life hell for all of eternity.” Anathema says.

“One that’s terrifying and two it’s nothing bad. When we went on vacation last month I bought this.” Crowley explains and pulls out the box from her pocket.

Anathema eyes it with wide curious eyes.

“Is that what I think it is?” She asks.

Crowley nods.

“I love Zira and I know that I don’t want to live a life without her but now I’m scared. She asked early on that I be patient with her and now I'm terrified this is too fast for her. I know she loves me and we’ve discussed wanting to get married plenty of times but I don’t want to rush her just because I can’t wait.” Crowley explains in a worried rush.

“I think you’re thinking about it too hard.” Anathema tells her.

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” Crowley asks.

“I distinctly remember you also panicking about telling her you love her because what if it was too soon or too fast and it went over well didn’t it?” Anathema reminds her.

“Yeah it did.”

“Yes Zira was cautious and reserved at first and she might be here and there but that lady is madly in love with you. She loved the gesture in how you told her you love her. It warmed her heart enough to overthrow any nervousness. So why not try something similar with this?” She proposes.

“I do actually have an idea, if I can run it by you.” Crowley requests.

“Of course.”

Crowley left Anathema’s flat feeling more confident. She was nervous of course but for different reasons now. Now all she had to do was get Bee and the others on board. That should not be too difficult. She had a few months to prepare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're inching closer and closer to the proposal of a lifetime folks


	19. Love of My Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all of your wonderful comments! They absolutely make my day!!

July came with a sudden, at least to Zira, announcement from Tracy. She approached Zira at breakfast one morning. 

"Zira love, I've decided to move in next door officially." Tracy starts.

Zira nearly choked on her tea.

"I'm sorry what? Does Mr. Shadwell know?" Zira questions.

"Well I'm there alot anyways and you're moving along with your life. You're a young woman with a lot ahead of you. You need space to grow with your future family." Tracy tells her.

"But...but what about the shop?" Zira asks.

"Love you already run it on your own anyways. I'll still be your business partner, I'll just be stepping back a little. Just let me use the back room from time to time." Tracy explains.

"I'll miss you being around all of the time. Its It's been you and I for nearly a decade." Zira tells her with a frown.

"Oh don't be sad my child. I'll be right next door after all. I'll stop over for lunch every day and bother you at work." Tracy assures her.

Zira could not help the small tear pricking at the corner of her eyes. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes. Tracy walks around the table and hugs her.

"Oh love. Its It's okay, this is a good change. You'll see." Tracy tells her.

Little did Zira know but Tracy had been thinking about doing this for a while. She decided to finally do it when Crowley came to her just after Ziras birthday. Crowley had popped into the shop one afternoon. Tracy was minding the desk and was pleasantly surprised to see her.

"Hello Crowley dear. Zira just stepped. She'll be right back though." Tracy tells her.

"Oh I know. I'm here to talk to you." Crowley informs her 

Crowley had stalked around outside till she saw Zira leave. She knew on Tuesdays the ladies worked together. Zira tended to go fetch them snacks at the bakery around the corner. Their routine came in hand for Crowley.

"Oh? What about?" Tracy questions.

"Well I want to ask Zira to marry me. She doesn't have any living parents and her siblings have not been in her life as much as you have the last ten years. She loves you and looks up to you like a parent. That being said I wanted your blessing." Crowley explains.

"Oh my dear! I don't know what to say!" Tracy says, getting a bit choked up.

"Well hopefully you'll say yes." Crowley jokes a bit nervously.

"Of course! You have all the blessings in the world." Tracy happily gasps.

Zira mopes about the rest of the day after Tracy tells her. Tracy tries to assure her that it'll take time for her to fully move out anyhow and that she would not be gone tomorrow. Zira knew they would part ways eventually but it still was sad to think about. After losing her mother at a young age she had a hard time with loss and attachment. She knew this. It would take time to get used to, not having Tracy around 24/7. 

"What's with the long face angel?" Crowley asks.

She had the night off and Zira invited her over for dinner. Zira had been off from the moment she opened the door for her. 

"Tracy's decided to move out." Zira explains.

"Oh wow. Where's she going?" Crowley questions.

"Next door." 

"Her and ol Shadwell getting on well then." She guesses.

"I suppose. I'm just a bit sad about it." Zira tells her.

"Well of course. She's your family. You have me though. I'll stay with you till you get used to her being gone." Crowley offers.

Zira smiles.

"You're my family too." Zira says, taking her hand in hers.

Crowley swallowed down the swelling in her chest. 

"That your way of asking me to move in with you?" Crowley teases.

She had to joke or else she would just end up crying. 

"Now that you mention it, I sort of like the idea." Zira admits.

"Yeah?" Crowley breathes. 

Zira nods.

"We spend nearly every day together anyways." Zira says.

"I'd Love nothing more than to wake up next to you every morning." Crowley tells her.

"And go to bed together every night, make dinner together. I can bring you breakfast in bed after you've worked all night and are too tired to get out of bed." Zira continues, tears on the verge of spilling over.

"I can hang around the shop while you work. I can help stock shelves or just distract you while you're trying to do something important. I can fetch us lunch and you can complain about work like I wasn't hanging around all day." Crowley adds.

Zira chuckles through her happy tears.

"You'd really give up your place to live with here?" Zira questions.

"Of course you silly draft wonderful angel. My flat doesn't mean much to me. My plants are already here and you're here, what else could I ask for? I'm over living alone. All i want is to be with you." Crowley insists.

Crowley pulls her closer by their held hands and holds her close. Zira rests her head against Crowley's shoulder. Crowley squeezes her right and kisses the top of her head.

They spend the next few weeks helping Tracy pack up her things and start carrying them over next door. Tracy was delighted to hear Crowley would be moving in, in her stead. It was her secret plan all along anyhow. She wanted her girls to have a place of their own. Anathema helped them start to pack up Crowley's flat. She gave Crowley a knowing smile of approval when Zira wasn't looking.

Crowley was stuck with the flat till the end of August when her lease would be up. It was fine since it took till then for her to get all of her things into the shop. She and Zira decided to keep Crowley's bed, it was far more comfortable. Most of Crowley's other furniture was donated or sold. She had found most of it in thrift shops anyways. Zira made room for Crowley's record player and albums in the living room. 

The two sat one night on the couch together, Crowley was sprawled out with her head rested on Zira's lap. Zira ran her fingers through Crowley's hair. Crowley had debated cutting it short over the summer but decided against it. Zira was very fond of the long waves so she kept it. Crowley had popped on one of her Queen records. She hummed along to  _ love of my life _ and sighed contentedly at the feel of her angels fingers against her scalp. 

"I think I rather like this one." Zira comments. 

"I never used to but being in love has really made me sappy." Crowley mumbles.

It dawns on Zira then.

"Crowley! It's the fifth!" Zira gasps in a panic. 

Crowley pops and eye open to look at her in confusion. 

"Oh my darling, I'm so sorry! We've been so busy with all the moving it slipped my mind." Zira continues to worriedly gush.

Crowley sits up to look at her properly.

"What are you on about angel?" She questions.

"You're birthday dearest." She says.

It hits Crowley then. She had completely forgotten herself. Crowley cracks a smile.

"Oh shit, I guess that is today." Crowley says with a chuckle.

"I feel absolutely horrid! You planned such a wonderful birthday for me and I completely forgot yours! I wanted to help you learn to love your birthday again." Zira tells her with a terribly distraught face.

"Angel,it's okay. I forgot too. You've already given me a wonderful gift, a home together. I got to spend all day at  _ our  _ home with you. That's the best fucking birthday to me." Crowley assures her.

“Yes but…”

“Shhh, no buts. I’m happy angel.” Crowley quiets her.

Zira still had a sad little pout. 

“Would it make you feel better if we run down to the 24 hour market and you pick out a cake for me? I won’t look I promise.” Crowley suggests.

“You know that could be fun.” Zira agrees.

And that is how Crowley ended up stalking about the isle of a supermarket at ten at night on her birthday. She peeked every now and again at her angel who stood in front of the bakery case debating cakes. She bought herself a bag of Maltesers and entertained herself by watching the lobsters crawl around their tank at the seafood section. Twenty or so minutes later Zira fetched her with a large bag in hand. Crowley tried to sneak a look in but her angel was quite vigilant. 

Back home Zira banished her from the kitchen. She had to prepare the cake without prying eyes. Crowley went back into the living room to look for her phone. She had not seen it since earlier in the day. She dug around in the couch cushions till she found it. She had a few messages waiting for her.

**Lil Dagon** :  _ Happy real birthday Red!!  _

**Big Dagon: ** _ Hey mate, happy birthday. Church Girl told us fyi. Bee said not to tell the government, she doesn’t want to redo paperwork with you. _

**The Witch: ** _ My new upstairs neighbors suck :( They have a newborn…..and angry newborn. I’m convinced the things the Antichrist. Anyways happy birthday, please move back _

Crowley smiles at the messages. Soon enough Zira calls for her to come back into the kitchen. She throws her phone back down onto the couch. What she finds sat on the table with lit candles stuck in its back stunned her.

“Is that a hedgehog?” Crowley questions, completely baffled.

“Yes, and look what sort of cake it’s made with.” Zira says.

Her angel carefully cuts off a section of cake, that just so happened to be it’s face, and revealed the bright red velvet cake under the icing. It was the most bizarre and slightly messed up thing she had ever seen and she loved every bit of it. Crowley burst into laughter, the hardest she had laughed in a long time. She even ended up with tears in her eyes. Zira could not help but grin and chuckle along with her.

“Angel that is the most absurd and garish cakes I’ve ever seen and I adore it.” Crowley tells her.

“I know it’s positively awful I had to get it. What possessed the bakers to make this I will never know.” Zira tell her.

“This has to be the best birthday I’ve ever had, truly.” Crowley says with a bright smile.

“Well go on blow out the candles and make a wish.” Zira instructs.

All of her birthday wishes never came true as a child but now… Now she would pray to anything and anyone that her new wish would come true. She takes a deep breath before blowing the flames out. Zira smiles approvingly.

“So what did you wish for?” Zira asks.

_ For you to say yes.  _ Crowley thinks to herself.

“Can’t tell you or else it won’t come true.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh fine then. Shall we taste this poor thing then?” Zira asks.

“Now that you’ve beheaded the poor bastard it’d be a shame not to.” Crowley teases.

Zira covered her mouth to stop a burst of laughter. Crowley sliced them up each a piece after Zira chickened out and felt too terrible to do it. The cake itself was moist and lovely though the mound of icing on top to make the tiny animals features was a tad too sweet for Crowley’s tastes. She ate it all anyways. The rest of the massacred confectionery animal sat in the fridge and took them a week to finish. They eventually pawned off the rest to Tracy and Shadwell next door. 

As October came Crowley grew increasingly nervous as the days passed. She was visibly on edge to the point where Zira started to notice. Crowley passed it off as being nervous about this years Grunge Fest, which technically was not a lie. She told Zira they had something big planned for this year and she hoped it would go well, which also was not a lie. Zira would smile and try to be as encouraging as possible. Crowley just silently say to herself ‘ _ oh angel if you only knew.’  _

“Angel? I’ve got to head to work. We’re all hands on deck.” Crowley calls.

Zira pops out of the bedroom.

“Okay darling. Mind how you go.” She tells her.

“Anathema is bringing you guys up tonight right?” Crowley asks, as if she did not have this planned for months.

“Yes, I believe she said she’s coming to get me at four and we’re going to grab dinner and head over.” Zira confirmed.

“Okay, same deal as before just have Brut let you guys in.” Crowley tells her as casually as she could fake.

Zira smiles and kisses her on the cheek as she usually did when Crowley left for work. Crowley thinks to herself hopefully when they come back here tonight they will be engaged. Before heading to the Hell Hole she had one stop to make. She pulled up to the train station to find Michael waiting for her. She waves her over. 

“Hey! Sorry were you waiting long?” Crowley asks.

“No I just arrived about ten minutes ago.” Michael answers as she got into the Bentley.

“So here is the plan. I’m going to hide you in my bosses office during the first half of the show. During our intermission is when I’m going to do it. If Zira sees you beforehand she’ll get suspicious.” Crowley explains.

“Okay. Gabriel feels terrible he couldn’t come but I’m going to face time him so he watch it too.” Michael informs her.

“Oh good. I’m glad he can at least see it.” 

“Are you nervous?” Micheal asks.

“Terrified.” Crowley answers honestly.

Michael cracks a smile.

“You’ll be fine. Every time I talk to her on the phone she spends most of the time talking about you.” Michael tells her.

Crowley could feel the blush creeping over her cheeks.

“You don’t think she’ll hate me for doing it this way?” Crowley asks.

“Oh lord no. I don’t think she could ever hate you. She’ll be a little embarrassed but the happiness will override that.” Michael assures her.

“I hope so.”

Anathema managed to keep Zira busy enough not to suspect anything. They went to dinner at one of Zira’s favorite spots. They served some of the best french comfort foods. Zira was so delighted by her meal she barely noticed Anathema texting Crowley updates and words of encouragement. The distractions got harder when they arrived at the Hell Hole. Lilith stood in the lobby preparing for the doors to open. She gasps rather loudly as the pair walk in. She bounces over to them and hugs Zira tightly.

“Well hello to you too.” Zira says with an amused chuckle.

Anathema shoots Lilith a look behind Zira’s back.

“Sorry honey I just haven’t seen you in a while.” Lilith quickly covers.

“It’s alright it’s nice to see you again. How have you been?” Zira asks.

“Great! Did Red tell you I started seeing Mickey Saint Claire again?” Lilith tells her.

“He’s from the  _ Thunder Monks  _ right?” Zira questions.

“That’s my Mik. Oh congrats on domesticating Red! She won’t shut up about living with you.” Lilith tells her.

“That’s so sweet! It really has been nice having her around all the time.” 

“I still miss her as a neighbor.” Anathema tells them.

“The baby still angry?” Zira questions.

“Ew your new neighbors have a kid? I’m so sorry.” Lilith adds.

“They make strange noises up there and the kid has some lungs on him. I swear he must be possessed. I’ve been drawing protection runes all over Newt and I’s place.” Anathema explains.

Three clicks comes over the radio on Lilith's hip. She grins and bounces with excitement.

“It’s go time guys! Go head down stairs before the flood gates open.” Lilith warns them.

The pair did not need to be told twice. They head down the stairs to the main hall. Crowley and the older Dagon sister were busy setting up the bar as they approached. Crowley pauses and smiles at them as they approached. She leans over the bar to give Zira a quick kiss.

“Hey just in time guys.” She greets them.

“Sorry we would have been here earlier but dinner ran a little late.” Zira tells her.

“S’okay.”

“Newt is on his way. His study group ran late too.” Anathema informs her.

Crowley nods. 

“Glad he can make it at all.” 

Dagon watches Crowley nearly drop several glasses as they set up. She saw Crowley hands shaking slightly. Zira was effectively distracted in conversation with her friend. Dagon places a hand on Crowley’s shoulder to get her attention.

“Help me in back for a second.” She requests.

Crowley nods and followers her. She knew full well it was code. When they were safely in the storage room Crowley releases and shaky breath and runs her trembling hand through her hair.

“Relax Red. Take a few deep breaths. If you can’t I’m locking you in here so you don’t accidentally ruin your own plan by acting suspicious.” Dagon tells her.

“Can’t help it.” Crowley mumbles.

“I know. I can hit you if you think that would work.” Dagon offers mostly jokingly.

“No it’s okay, I can do this. Once people are here it’ll be better. I can just focus on work.” Crowley tells her.

Dagon nods. Lilith’s voice chimes over their radios that it was go time. Dagon head back out first. Crowley grits her teeth and takes the grin and bare through it approach. She manages to jump right into her work. Once the music started it was too loud to hear anything and kept Zira distracted. Newt arrived after the first set, he looked as if he literally ran there. Crowley poured him a drink.

“Relax mate you looked stressed.” She tells him.

“I’m regretting college.” He says simply.

Crowley smirks and pours his drink a little higher.

Anathema drags Zira and Newt off into the crowd at some point. Crowley caught sight of Anathema trying to teach the other two how to mosh. Crowley nearly teared up laughing at the sight. She pointed them out to Dagon who effectively filmed it. Intermission came sooner that Crowley would have liked. As soon as Lilith stepped on stage Crowley felt the nerves creeping back again.

“Alright you hellions as promised we have a special show for you and I think we’ve out done ourselves this year. Red, could you please make your way up here?” Lilith says to the crowd.

_ Killer Queen  _ starts to play over the PA system as Crowley hops over the bar and makes her way up to the stage. The crowd of people moved out of her way as she passed by and cheered. Lilith gives Crowley a hand up on to the stage.

“Well I need an entrance like that all the time.” Crowley jokes into the mic.

She spots Michael up front standing with a security officer. Her phone was in hand, Crowley assumed videoing with Gabriel as planned.

“I have a new trick for you all this year and sorry to say it does not involve fire.” Crowley starts.

Crowley looks over to the bar. Zira was watching her with one of sweet fond smiles.

“But first I need my lovely assistant. Angel would you be so kind as to come up here?” Cowley asks.

People start to turn to see who she was referring too. Zira clutches at her chest and mouths Me? 

“Yes you. Do I call anyone else angel?” Crowley teases.

Zira shakes her head and mouths something along the lines of I can’t. Anathema encourages her till she relents. As she starts to walk up to the stage the crowd approvingly cheers.

“Fellow hellions this is Zira my absolutely incredible and gorgeous girlfriend. Who graciously puts up with my antics.” Crowley tells them as Zira makes her way up.

Lilith helps Zira up and dashes backstage to grab a few items.

“Fun story about Zira and I. We met last year in September and I had a massive crush on her. I invited her to Grunge Fest last year and that night was when we both admitted to liking each other. So this is kind of an anniversary for us.” Crowley continues.

A massive aw come from the crowd. Lilith appeared again. She hands Crowley a cloth bag containing the ring box. Zira blushes terribly.

“I actually had a panic attack out back here when I realized that I was in love with her. My bar mate over there has had to lock me in the freezer a few times to calm down and relax when our relationship was still new.” Crowley adds with a nervous chuckle.

“This last year has been the most incredible and wonderful year of my life and it’s all because of this wonderful lady here. I call her angel because she really is an angel sent to show me what love really is like and my life has never been better since I met her.. ”

Crowley fumbles with the bag to open it with a trembling hand. Zira catches sight of Michael who just smiles at her. It clicks then what was happening. She starts to tear up immediately and trembles herself. Crowley tosses the bag to the side exposing the box. The crowd is a mix of gasps, shouts and whistles as Crowley drops down to her knee. Zira covers her mouth and nose with her hands in a gasp as she starts to cry fully. 

“That being said, what do say angel? Will you marry me?” Crowley asks.

Lilith takes the mic from Crowley so she could open the ring box fully. Zira could barely see the ring at all through her tears but it didn’t matter. There could be a rind pop candy in there for all she cared. Zira tries to weakly nod. She could barely hold herself up right let alone talk. Crowley rises to her feet to hug Zira close. Zira hid her face against Crowley’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry for embarrassing you my dove.” Crowley whispers next to her ear.

“I love you so much.” Zira says through the tears.

“That a yes then?” Crowley jokes.

“Of course it is.” Zira breaths out a laugh.

Crowley pulls away enough to wrestle the ring out of the box and slide it onto Zira’s finger. Crowley took the mic back from Lilith for a moment.

“She said yes by the way.” She tells the crowd.

Its meet with cheers. Crowley grins, she was so unbelievably happy. Lilith takes the mic back. Crowley looks to Michael and motions for her to follow. Crowley assists her crying, happy, jello legged fiance backstage. Once they were behind the curtain Zira grabs for her and kisses her a tad sloppy but full of love.

“I can’t believe you did that.” Zira halfheartedly scolds her.

“Sorry angel but it sure surprised you didn’t it?” Crowley grins.

“It did. I love you.” 

“I love you so fucking much angel.”

Michael appeared a minute after them. Zira greets her with a large happy smile.

“When did you get here?! I’m so happy you’re here!” Zira gushes.

“This morning. Crowley picked me up at the train station.” Michael tells her.

“That's why you went in so early.” Zira says to Crowley.

Crowley just smiles and nods.

“I have Gabriel on video chat.” Michael tells her.

She flips her phone around to show her. Gabriel on screen waves.

“Hey Zira, congrats!” He tells her.

“Oh thank you! I’m so glad you both could be apart of this.” Zira says.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t in person but thankfully Michael has great cell reception.” Gabriel says.

“This is wonderful enough.”

Unsurprisingly Crowley decided not to return to work after the intermission. She just wanted to get her angel home. Anathema hugged them both before they left. The took Michael to her hotel for the night and made plans to go to dinner before she left for home. One the ride back to their house Zira played with the ring. She had barely had time to look at it properly. It was a brilliant gold band that was carved and shaped into two angel wings around what looked to be a moonstone. It shone with the most magnificent shade of blue Zira had ever seen.

“I saw it in a shop window when we were in South Downs. It was too perfect not to buy.” Crowley explains.

“Oh Crowley you’ve had it all this time?” Zira asks.

“Had to wait for the perfect time.” She says. “ Do you like it?”

“Like it? I love it! I’d love anything you’d give me but you’re right, this one is perfect.” Zira beams.

“Good, I’m glad.”

“You may have beaten me to it but I still plan to propose to you as silly as it may be now.” Zira tells her.

“I can’t wait angel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll better start getting hyped up for the big gay wedding!
> 
> Fun side notes: 
> 
> I stole the cake idea from the movie Steel Magnolias (1989) theres however was an armadillo but same concept lol
> 
> I choose moonstone instead of a diamond because they have this shiny blue hue to them that reminds me of Zira's blue eyes, makes Crowley more of a sentimental dork.


	20. Mothers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little angst for you all. As always I create angst for the pure sweet comfort that comes with it. This is going up later than intended, my neighborhood lost power for a few days due to a storm. So sorry for the wait!

Zira is woken up the next morning with a start. A noise had broken through her lovely dream about rabbits of all things. It startled her enough to wake in a panic. She had accidentally dislodged Crowley from being cozily wrapped around her. Crowley groans in displeasure and buries herself instead into her pillow. Zira realizes after a moment that it was her phone ringing that had woken her up. She quickly reaches over to grab the thing off of the night stand. Anathema’s number lit up the screen.

“Hello?” Zira answers.

“Hey sorry, did I wake you?” her friend asks.

“Actually yes, what time is it?” Zira asks.

“After ten in the morning.” she tells her.

“Oh lord, I don’t remember the last time I’ve slept in this late.

“Well you did have a pretty busy night.” Anathema reminds her.

“Yes of course.”

“Speaking of, have you seen you two have gone viral?” Anathema asks.

“Viral? What are you on about?” Zira questions.

“Videos from last night have been making their rounds around social media.” she tells her.

“Really?” Zira gasps.

“Yeah you two are internet famous congrats.”

Zira tapps on Crowley’s arm to wake her up after the call. Crowley groans and mumbles something into the pillow that Zira could not quite make out.

“Darling get up, Anathema’s said we’re all over the internet.” Zira tells her.  
Crowley pops open one of her honey brown eyes at that.

“What?” she questions groggily. 

“Seems videos from last night have made their rounds.” Zira says.

“Oh, you serious?” Crowley questions with more alertness now.

“Seems so.” Zira confirms.

Crowley sits up enough to roll over and grab her own phone. She had a missed call from Dagon and Bee. She decides Dagon was the far more reasonable of the two and dials her up.

“Hey, Bee said there’s news types sniffing about looking to talk to you two about your engagement. Seems you two are quite the sinsation.” Dagon tells her off the bed.

“So I’m realizing.” 

“Can I tell Bee to give em your contact info? So they leave our slightly unhinged boss alone.” Dagon asks.

“Sure why not.” 

That was how a week later the pair ended up in several local news articles and general online news outlets. Crowley drug her feet about it at first but Zira was so delighted by the unexpected attention that she quickly changed her tone about it all. Zira spent one of the nights gushing about it with her sister on the phone. After their publication Zira had some new clientele come into the shop curious to meet her and just check out her shop in general. It was fantastic free publicity for her business. Crowley on the other hand had a rather unexpected side effect come up one friday afternoon at work.

“Hey Red! Bee is looking for you.” Lilith informs her as Crowley walks in through the back door.

Crowley grimaces.

“Good or bad?” Crowley asks.

“Not sure.” Lilith says with a shrug. 

Crowley walks up to Bee’s office and tries to hide her nervousness. She knocks on the door and hears a gruff come in call from the otherside.

“What I do this time?” Crowley jokingly asks.

She leans against the door jam of the office. Bee looks up at her with an unreadable expression. It was not an angry or disappointed look which Crowley had come to expect from Bee but not happy either, not that Crowley had ever seen Bee look happy or smile for that matter. 

“Come in and shut the door.” Bee instructs.

Wordlessly Crowley shuts the door and plops down in the spare chair. She waits for Bee to start.

“Who’s Lana?” Bee asks.

“No idea. Why?” Crowley asks heavy with confusion.

“Well a middle aged woman came by looking for you and or information about you.” Bee tells her.

“I don’t know anyone named Lana. I tried dating older once but it got weird and never did it again. Her name was Veronica though.” Crowley says, it came off a little jokingingly.

“I’m not in the mood for comedy Crowley. Should I be worried here?” Bee questions.

“Worried about what exactly?” Crowley questions back, getting a tad defensive.

“Any manner of things with you.”

“I left my crazy lifestyle behind a long time ago Bee. One random woman shows up asking for me and suddenly you’re interrogating me like a copper.” Crowley barks.

“Relax Crowley I have to ask. Well whoever the hell she is she left this for you.” Bee tells her.

Bee digs into the desk and pulls out an envelope. Crowley takes it and inspects it with curious and confused eyes. Her full name was printed on the front of it in a fancy sort of flowy handwriting. 

“I was fine with helping with your engagement but try to keep your personal life at home.” Bee says.

“Right, course.” 

Crowley leaves the office, staring at the envelope. Dagon eyes her curiously as Crowley approaches the bar. 

“Okay there Red?” Dagon asks.

“Hmm?” Crowley hums and looks up from the mysterious letter. “Oh, ah yeah. Some random lady dropped this off for me. She was looking for me too.” Crowley explains.

“Strange, well then go ahead and open the thing.” Dagon pushes.

Crowley hops up onto one of the bar stools and rips open the envelope. Inside she finds two papers folded up. She realizes right away it was a letter. 

_Dear Annie,_

Annie…..why did that nickname feel so sickeningly familiar?

_Dear Annie,_

_I know this letter will seem out of the blue, no matter what circumstances are behind it, but I saw a video of you the other day and thought it was a sign. You have not changed a bit, still so beautiful. You really did win taking after Anthony. Congratulations on your engagement. I’m so happy you found someone to love and love you right back. I prayed that you would not spend your life being lonely like I have, though most of it is my own fault anyways. I’ve written and rewritten this letter so many times and I’m not even sure it’s everything I want to say but it’s a start. _

Crowley skims over the letter but the more she read the more it dawn on her who it was from. Dagon watched her turn a sickly pale color and frowns. With a trembling hand Crowley suddenly crumbles up the letter and tosses it off somewhere.

“Hey Red, are you okay?” Dagon asks, rounding around the bar.

“No.” 

Crowley’s eyes were wide with panic. Dagon was at her side in an instant just in case she trembled herself right off of the stool. Crowley’s breathes came in short and shallow. Old long buried echoes of memories started to pop up back into her head.

_“Damnit Annie, I told you not to leave you toys on the steps.” _

_“I told you not to look at me with those eyes, it’s rude to stare.”_

_“Annie? Mommy’s sorry for yelling she’s just tired.”_

_“Annie, mommy has to go away for awhile okay?” _

_“I love you Annie.”_

By the time she started to sob rather violently Dagon helped her, well rather dragged her, down to sit on the floor.

“Red? Can you hear me? Focus on me talking okay?” Dagon instructs her.

Crowley nods weakly, letting Dagon’s voice replace the echoes in her head. Dagon takes her hand squeezes it, letting Crowley squeeze back and start to ground herself.

“What color are the floors?” Dagon asks.

“Black.” Crowley croaks out.

“Right. Are they darker or lighter than your pants?” Dagon asks.

Crowley forces herself to focus on staring at the floor and then her leg.

“Darker, I think.” Crowley answers.

“Good. What can you smell around you?” Dagon asks next.

“Bleach from the floor.” Crowley says. “ And your shitty perfume.” She adds.

“There’s my mean old Red. Now just take a few deep breaths.” 

Crowley does as she’s told. Dagon had usually been the one home to help Crowley through her panic attacks when they lived together. She had gone with Crowley to therapy once too. The therapist had helped educate Dagon on how to pull Crowley out from a severe panic attack. Crowley was always embarrassed about it afterwards but it was never a big deal to Dagon. Crowley was her friend and wanted to see and help her be better.

“Can you stand?” Dagon asks.

Crowley nods though she was not fully confident she could. Dagon helps her to her feet and guides her back to one of the unused greenrooms. She sets Crowley down on one of the couches.

“How’s your stomach?” Dagon asks.

“Nauseous.” Crowley confirms.

“Okay, you keep breathing. I’m going to go get you some ginger soda okay.” Dagon tells her.

Crowley hates the sudden feeling panic bubble up again at the thought of being left alone. She swallows it back.

“I’ll be quick okay? You have your radio and I have mine. So we’re still connected.” Dagon tells her to ease her nerves.

Crowley nods. Dagon leaves the room calmly as to not set Crowley off more. Once she was outside she books it back to the bar. Lilith jumps back out of the way as her sister wizzes by her.

“Pen? What’s going on?” She asks.

“Crowley’s having a bad attack. Call Zira.” Dagon tells her in a hurry.

“Shit, what happened?” Lilith questions.

“Read something bad in a letter I guess. Oh and find the letter. She threw it off over there somewhere.” Dagon instructs as she grabbed the soda from the mini fridge under the bar.

Dagon points off in the general direction the paper flew and sped off back to the green room. Lilith finds the crumpled up papers easily enough. She smooths them out as best she could and flips to the back. She wanted to see who it was from without being too intrusive. It was signed by “mom” but crossed out and Lana Jamison was written under it.

“Shit.” Lilith curses and quickly dials up Zira. 

_______

Zira had spent most of the afternoon like she typically did since the proposal by absentmindedly playing with her engagement ring. She twisted her hand around to watch the light catch against the stone till it shined. Before her mother's cross was an object she’d play with when she was bored or held onto when she was nervous or upset. Now however her ring had seemed to replace it as her go to. She loved looking at it, it was so beautiful but the meaning of it was even more heart fluttering. Crowley was always more than just her girlfriend and now she had something more meaningful to call her.

The afternoon was slow and she considered closing up early and ringing up Anathema to see if she and Newt wanted to get dinner. As soon as the thought occurred to her, her mobile started to ring. It was Lilith, which was odd. She rarely ever called.

“Hello Lilith dear, to what do I owe this lovely surprise?” Zira answers.

“Hey Zira, you’re going to want to get down here.” Lilith starts, she sounded serious.

“What’s wrong?” Zira asks, her voice full of worry.

“I don’t know exactly what happened but I’m guessing a letter from Red’s mom was dropped off here and now she’s having a really bad panic attack. I haven’t seen her have one this bad in a long time. Penny is helping her calm down now but we figured you’d be best.” Lilith explains.

“Oh dear, Yes I’ll head there right away. Thank you for calling me.” 

Zira quickly closed up the shop, there were no customers in at the time thankfully, and ran next door. She got lucky that Tracy was in and glad gave her a lift. Lilith met her out front and let her into the building. Dagon met them in the main concert hall.

“Hey thanks for getting here so quickly.” 

“Of course.” Zira says, still full of worry.

“Bee talked to the woman yesterday and she gave Bee the letter. Seems she saw the proposal videos and that gave her somewhere to find Red.” Dagon tells her. 

Dagon escorts Zira back to the green room but stops in front of the door. 

“Fair bit of warning she’s moved on from panic to just being angry. So watch your head as I open the door.” Dagon tells her.

Zira could not tell if she was serious or not about the flying objects. Dagon opens the door and nothing happens so Zira heads in. The room was a bit of a disaster. Things had been thrown about the room but by the looks of it Crowley had tired herself out. She sat on the floor against a wall with her head in her hands. Zira could hear her quiet sniffles. She goes to her and kneels next to her.

“Darling, it’s okay. I’m here.” She tells her, touching Crowley’s arm.

Crowley quickly looks up at her, her eyes red and watery. She smiles gratefully at her angel. 

“Angel!” she gasps and practically throws herself at her.

Zira hugged her close and let Crowley bury her head in the crook of her neck and shoulder.   
  
“I’m so sorry, my love.” Zira tells her.

“S’not fair.” Crowley mumbles.

Zira holds her as she sobs. She rubs Crowley's back and just lets her get it all out. After a while Crowley starts to settle down. Her cries and trembling came to a slow stop. 

“Why? Why now of all times? Why at all?” Crowley questions quietly.

“I don’t know darling.”

“I was just starting to get to a point where she didn’t bother me so much and now….” Crowley started to trail off. “The fucking nerve of her.” she mutters after.

“Crowley you don’t owe her anything. If you don’t want to see her or give her the time of day then you don't have to. You don’t have to help her feel better about herself or her choices. I decided to go see my family and my father because I thought it would be best for me. You do whatever is best for you and I’ll help you through it.” Zira tells her.

“Part of me wants to tell her to piss off but the other just wants to know why. Why did what she did.I’ve always wondered and every answer I made up was worse than the previous. Who knows maybe it’s all in that fucking letter. I can’t handle looking at the thing right now.” Crowley says.

“I can read over it for you if you like.” Zira offers. “For now though, let’s get you home.” 

“Bee’s going to be pissed.” Crowley groans.

“Well Bee will have to argue with me. I’m not leaving you here after that. You need rest.” Zira says.

“I...I should clean this up at least.” Crowley says quietly, eyeing the mess around them.

She was a little embarrassed at her outburst. 

“Let me help.” 

______

Dagon lets herself into Bee’s without knocking. She rarely did, and was the only one who could get away with it. Bee looks up at her and gives her a brief smile.

“Hey, I’m going to send Red home.” Dagon tells her.  
  
“And why is that?” Bee questions.

“Family emergency.” She answers simply.

“She doesn’t have family ‘sides the fiancé.” Bee retorts.

“That woman was her biological mother.” Dagon informs her.

Bee’s face pops with shock. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you can imagine how you’d react if your mother showed up out of the blue. So cut her a break yeah?” Dagon tells her.

Bee sighs and nods.

“You’d have to stop me from trying to kill her.” Bee says.

Dagon cracked a smile.

“Are you kidding I wanted to kill her when she kicked you out.” Dagon says with a grin.

“I remember. I was packing my shit and hear you downstairs hollering like a banshee at her.” Bee adds.

“I was fuming. To be fair, Lilith was yelling too. That probably was not the best thing to bring my younger and impressionable sister to but I didn’t have much choice at the time. I’m glad we got you out of there regardless.” 

Dagon takes Bee’s hand across the desk and squeezes it.

“Tell Crowley to take whatever time she needs. We’ll figure something out.” Bee tells her.

“Thanks, Bee.” 

_____

Crowley was quiet the whole ride home. She gripped the steering wheel as tight as she could to suppress her emotions. Zira sat in the passenger seat quietly worrying. Crowley had insisted on driving home herself despite Zira’s best efforts. Crowley liked driving. She used to drive for hours at a time just to clear her head. She let her muscle memory guide the car back to the shop. Zira hoovered around her like a worried mother hen as they walked up to their flat. Crowley was thankful for it though. 

“I...I’m going to go lay down for a bit.” Crowley tells her.

Zira nods.

“Okay. I’m thinking of whipping up something for dinner in a bit. If you feel up for eating let me know okay?” Zira says.

Crowley gives her a short lived half smile.

“Wash your face before you lay down, you know what happens to your skin when you fall asleep with makeup on.” Zira reminds her kindly.

Crowley drags herself into the bathroom and autopilots her way through her nightly routine. She scrubbs off her face, avoiding looking in the mirror. She could not do with the reminder of her parentage shown in her face. She shimmies out of her jeans and tosses her bra off somewhere before crawling into bed. She pops in her headphones and lets her music playlist run on shuffle. Music had always been her go to escape from the world. She stared at the wall for a while, letting her mind go blank and eventually she drifted to sleep.

Zira Checked in on her an hour or so later to find her fiance sound asleep. She smiles at Crowley’s sleeping form. She notices the headphones in her ears. She carefully plucks one free and grimaces at the loud music pouring out from it. She hit pause on Crowley’s phone, sat on the edge of the bed. No sense for Crowley to damage her eardrums if she was asleep. She kissed the top of Crowley’s head and pulled the blanket up over her more.

“Sweet dreams my love.” 

For the next few days Crowley barely got out of bed. Zira would use her sweet smile to coax Crowley into still caring for herself. At dinner Crowley would push her food around the plate for a bit, staring off into space till Zira would flash her an encouraging smile. That worked absurdly well in convincing her to take a few bites. One the third day Zira convinced her to sit in the bath, filled to the brim with bubbles. It would ordinarily amuse Crowley but that night she just wordlessly climbed into the tub. Zira took her time washing Crowley’s hair for her, humming to herself. She would park Crowley down on the couch in the morning, letting her mindlessly watch the television while Zira worked. At lunch Zira would curl up on the couch with her and pick at something to eat. 

Zira was not quite sure what to do about all of this. She desperately wanted to help Crowley feel better and perhaps all she could do was give her time and space. Just before noon when Zira would typically close up for an hour to head upstairs, the shop door chimes. She puts on a friendly smile and before she starts her greeting she spies Penny Dagon walking in.

“Oh hello dear, how are you?” She asks.

“I should be asking you that.” Dagon says back.

“It’s...it’s been rough.” Zira admits.

“I had a feeling. I came to help.” Dagon tells her.

“That’s very kind of you.”

“I’ve known Red for a while now. I helped her get through a lot, so I figured my experience might be useful.” Dagon explains.

“Of course. I left her on the couch upstairs if you’d like to go up and see her.” Zira informs her. 

“Thanks. We found the letter.” Dagon tells her.

She hands over the ripped open envelope. Zira eyes it and takes it cautiously as if the document would catch on fire in her hand. Dagon leaves her to it and heads up stairs. Zira pulls out the terribly creased papers and tries to flatten them out as best as she could. She takes a deep breath and reads.

_Dear Annie,_

_I know this letter will seem out of the blue, no matter what circumstances are behind it, but I saw a video of you the other day and thought it was a sign. You have not changed a bit, still so beautiful. You really did win taking after Anthony. Congratulations on your engagement. I’m so happy you found someone to love and love you right back. I prayed that you would not spend your life being lonely like I have, though most of it is my own fault anyways. I’ve written and rewritten this letter so many times and I’m not even sure it’s everything I want to say but it’s a start._   
_I’ve been too afraid to try and reach out to you or look for you to be honest. I’ve been afraid of a lot of things since before you were born. I’m just so sorry you had to be punished for my fear and my choices. I do love you so very much. Anthony loved you too. He was so happy when I told him I was pregnant, he even cried. He died when I was seven months pregnant. He was out grabbing a few things for me one night and was hit by a drunk driver. He passed during surgery. When you were born with honey brown eyes like his and wisps of red hair, I cried a lot. You looked so much like him, he would have been so happy. I named you after him._

_I tried to fake happiness for you for a long time but I had a hard time without him. I realize now I took it out on you at times and that was not fair to you. I realized eventually, and perhaps too late that I couldn’t handle taking care of you and myself at the same time, that I was doing more harm than good. You have to know that giving you up was so incredibly hard but I wanted to do what was best for you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but hopefully you can understand me a little better. _

_There wasn’t a day that I didn’t wonder where you were, what you were doing. If you were doing okay in school and making friends. If you found a career or fell in love. You and your new fiance seem really happy in all of those articles, I’m so glad. For what it’s worth, if anything I have to say means anything to you. I can’t blame you if they all just seem like empty words. You’re welcome to just throw this letter out if you’d like, I understand. I can live with just knowing that you’re happy. _

_With love,_

_Lana Jamison _

_PS: here is my address and mobile if you want to reach out._

_______

  
Crowley heard the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs. She figured it was Zira coming to check in on her. She pulls herself to sit up properly, and tries not to look like she had spent half the day lying on the couch unmoving. She pulls her blanket around her shoulders and fixes her pillow roughed hair. She wanted to show Zira some sort of improvement so to not worry her more. She’s genuinely surprised when Dagon appears in the living room. 

“Hey mate, CG let me up.” She says and sits down on the couch next to her. “I’m not going to ask how you are because I pretty much can figure it out.” 

“Yeah.”

“I ever tell you what happened to Lil and I’s parents?” Dagon asks.

“Old man was murdered right?” Crowley answers.

“Yeah. What I didn’t tell you was that our mother killed him. Lilith was fourteen and only lived because she was at a sleepover that night. Mum tried to kill herself but the gun failed and the cops got there by then. I was nineteen, technically an adult, and fought for custody of Lilith. I pretty much took care of her anyways. Our parents were pretty shite. Dad tried but he had a lot on his plate with mum being sick in the head.” Dagon explains.

Crowley stares at her in stunned silence.

“Jesus.” She curses.

“I’ve taken care of people my whole life. I raised Lilith, helped dad take care of mum, Bee got disowned and thrown out of their house so I took Bee in too, and when Lilith brought you home I took you in and helped you sober up and get through your shit.” Dagon tells her.

“I….I never knew all of that.” Crowley says.

“What I’m getting at is that if anyone on this earth gets to call themselves your mum it’s me. I helped you sober up, go to therapy, learn how to do your taxes, taught you to drive when that crazy old coot left you with his prized car, I helped you get a job and your own place. I fed you when you were too broke to feed yourself, I eased you out of every panic attack and let you cry all over me when you had night mares. I’m your fucking mother now, you got me? I don’t want this Lana lady to make you feel like shit because guess what? You got a family.” Dagon tells her.

Crowley bit her lip stop herself from balling her eyes out. Dagon smiles and rolls her eyes at her. She opened up her arms in invitation.

“I’m used to you crying on me Red, just come here.” She tells her.

Crowley leans into her and rests her head against Dagon’s shoulder. 

“I never realized exactly how much you really have helped me. I’m….I’m sorry Dag.” Crowley says in between sniffles. 

“Oh please, I prefer it this way. I hate all that sappy shite anyways, but you’re welcome.” Dagon tells her.

Dagon pulls back and Crowley wipes off her face.

“Go get dressed and fix your face. I’m taking you and the wife to lunch.” Dagon instructs.

“Yes Mum.” Crowley teases, lifting herself off of the couch.

“Don’t sass me young lady or you’ll stay home!” 

“You’re not that much older than me you know.” Crowley calls over her shoulder, shaking her head.

Dagon just cracks a smile and heads back down to the shop. Zira was right where she left her. It looked like she was finished reading the letter. She was wiping at her eyes with a handkerchief.

“Oh lord now you’re crying too.” Dagon jokes.

“Oh, I’m sorry my dear.” Zira says, stuffing her handkerchief back into her pocket. “Wait, was Crowley crying too?” She asks.

“Yes but for a good reason if that makes sense. I just reminded her that she’s got a family and always had and not to let this Lana woman get to her.” Dagon tells her.

Zira smiles.

“She’s quite lucky to have such lovely friends, whether she realizes it or not.” Zira tells her.

“She is pretty damn lucky and I think I got it through her thick skull now. Anyways she’s more cheery now. I told her to get dressed. If you don’t mind closing up for a bit I’d like to take you both out to lunch.” Dagon informs her.

“That sounds lovely! Thank you dear, we could really use an outing. We’ve both been through the ringer.” Zira agrees.

“Between you and me if Red decides she wants to meet Lana, I think we should talk to the woman first. It’s probably just me but I don't trust her intentions just yet and I don’t want Red getting more hurt by her.” Dagon tells her.

Zira sighs and nods in agreement.

“I think that’s a good idea as well.” 

______

Zira left the shop closed for the rest of the day. After lunch Dagon left for work and insisted Crowley take the day off despite her protests. Zira and Crowley settled in on the couch that evening after dinner. Crowley had convinced her to watch some trashy reality show. She was just pleased seeing her Crowley in a better mood and agreed. She barely paid attention to show however, her mind still on the letter. She knew she had to talk to Crowley about it but feared she would ruin Crowley's mood. After a few episodes Zira finally cracked, unable to keep it to her self.

"So Dagon let me read the letter today." She starts.

Crowley gives her a look and frowns as she turned back to the television.

"Yeah?"

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to right now." Zira tells her.

Crowley considers it for a moment but sighs.

"No, best to get it over with. What did she want?" Crowley asks.

"Well she saw the engagement video and read one of the articles we were in. That gave her somewhere to look for you and she called it a sign to try and reach out. She mentioned your father, that he was very excited about you but he was killed by a drunk driver before you were born. She said you were born, taking heavily after him so she names you after him. She...she had a very hard time it seems with the grief of losing him. She seemed to struggle caring for herself and you at the same time and eventually lead to her decision to give you up." Zira explains.

Crowley's frown turns to a scowl.

"That's her excuse then?" Crowley scoffs. "Zira she acted like she hated looking at me because I looked like him. For the longest time I just assumed my father was some awful bastard because of the way she treated me. My eyes especially. If I looked at her when she was having a bad day she'd punish me for no reason or just yell. She couldn't control what happened to me in foster care but she chose to keep a kid around she resented for years and blame me for shite that was out of my control." Crowley tells her.

Hot angry tears started to collect at the corner of Crowley's eyes. She was sick of crying but could not stop herself.

"Oh Darling, I'm....I'm so sorry. None of that was fair to you. For the record your eyes are so beautiful, like amber honey. I've never seen anything quite like them." Zira says.

Crowley cracks a tiny smile and wipes at the face, mostly to hid her blush.

"You have to say that." she mumbles jokingly.

"I don't have to do anything but I am very fortunate to get to." Zira says and takes Crowley's hand in hers. She places a kiss against her fingers. "In the letter she did say she was glad to see you in a happy relationship."

"Like she would know." Crowley grumbles.

"She apologized to you but also said she understood if you didn't want to have anything to do with her. She also left her contact information just in case." 

"I....I don't know. I think I'm too angry right now to decide." Crowley says.

"And that's okay. You should take your time and think about it." Zira tells her. "For now though, if you would not be too put out, I think I know how to help make you not angry anymore." Zira adds coyly and kisses her hand again.

Crowley arches an eyebrow at her.

"Miss Fell surely you aren't flirting with me at a time like this?" Crowley questions in a mockingly shocked tone.

"I'm sorry darling I just simply can not help myself around you. You are just too tempting." 

"Well how can I say no to that?" Crowley says with a grin, her slightly pointed canines showing.

"Let me take you to bed then darling."

Zira rises to her feet and holds out a hand out. Crowley takes it with a chuckle and lets her fiancé pull her along to their room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been dying to introduce more of Dagon's (and a bit of Bee's too) back story and her whole adopting wayward humans trait lol I had to rework how I wanted to introduce Lana and I'm way happier with this version.


	21. Lana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley reunites with Lana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm so sorry for the wait, I've been sick on and off for the past couple of weeks and just lost energy and motivation to do much of anything. I'm feeling much better now thankfully. I hope this was worth the wait :) ❤

Zira stared into her cup of tea watching the steam rise. Dagon next to her stared at the front door watching it like a hawk. Anathema, who upon hearing of the plan invited herself, sat at a table across the room but still in eye sight. She wanted to be a third party observation and get a reading off of the woman. 

“What if she doesn’t show?” Zira asks.

“Well then we have our answer quicker about who she really is.” Dagon says simply.

“And you got a good look at her?” Zira questions.

“Yup, I watched the security camera footage and had Bee describe her to a tee.” Dagon assures her.

Zira perked up every time the door to the cafe opened and would look at Dagon who would shake her head. Five minutes after the meetup time a tall woman walked in. She nervously looked around. Dagon straightened up at the sight of her.

“That’s her.” She tells Zira.

Zira gasps out “Really?” and looks the woman over. When she looked back towards them Zira waved her over. Lana smiles in relief and strides over to them. The closer she came the more Zira realized how little Crowley looked like her. Lana’s hair was quite dark, nearly black, and her eyes were a much darker brown than Crowley’s. The woman had not a single freckle in sight but she did have very distinct sharp facial features. Them and her height were all the two had in common really.

“Hello Zira, it’s lovely to meet you in person. I apologize for being a tad late, the m-25 was backed up.” Lana says, a bit nervously, and takes a seat across from them.

“That’s alright. This is Penelope Dagon, I mentioned on the phone she would be coming.” Zira tells her gesturing to Dagon next to her.

“Yes of course, it’s nice to meet you as well.”

“Jury’s still out on you.” Dagon says bluntly.

“Dagon…” Zira quietly scolds her.

“No, no it’s alright. I expected some resistance and to be honest I expected a lot more. Well being totally honest I expected no one to respond back to me at all.” Lana interjects.

“Good, just to be clear with you Zira and I are the ones talking to you first to protect Crowley. She’s been hurt enough by you.” Dagon tells her.

Lana takes a deep breath and frowns sadly.

“I...I know. I don’t want to make excuses or beg for forgiveness. I just want to try and make up for it. If she wants to just forget about me and move on then I’ll respect her decision. I think she deserves to know about Anthony at least and family history for medical reasons and such.” Lana tells them.

“I’d like to hear about him if you don’t mind. I understand if it’s painful to.” Zira requests.

“It was for a long time but I finally decided to talk to someone about my grief and it really helped. Anthony and I met when I was in my second year at college. He and I grew up in the same town but never really crossed paths. He worked for his father’s dairy farm. They would deliver milk to the cafe I worked at to pay for school. Anthony would often be the one dropping our shipment off. We would chat and that’s how I found out we grew up close by. I fell for him pretty fast and hard but I think he did with me too. He was so nervous the first time he asked me out.” 

Zira smiled, remembering how nervous Crowley was at the beginning of their relationship. The apple didn't fall far from the tree there. 

“Well anyways, he and I moved into our own little flat near campus. His father was furious. He wanted Anthony to take over the business eventually and he couldn’t do it living off the farm. Well Anthony killed himself trying to prove he could live somewhere else and still do his job. He got up insanely early and came home late. It was hard but it helped mend the relationship with his father. I don’t have much in the way of family, I was raised by an aunt who passed from brain cancer when I was twenty. Anthony helped me through that grief. So I wanted him to keep his relationship with his family. After Annie was born Anthony’s father helped me out a bit. I was proud and stubborn so I ressisted a lot of his help. He did spend a good bit of time with Annie though. He….he never forgave me when I decided to give her up.” 

“So why did you? Rather than give her to Anthony’s family?” Dagon questions.

Lana’s face falls.

“I….I decided to give her up after years of failing to fight my grief. I….I took it out on her. She always resembled Anthony and that didn’t change. After each birthday she just looked more and more like him, like a ghost haunting me. I didn’t cope with my own issues and it made me angry. I treated her terribly and it was so wrong and I wish I realized I could not handle being a widowed single mother sooner. I thought about letting Anthony’s family have her but I decided against it because then I’d still have to see her and hear about her and I couldn’t deal with it. It was incredibly selfish and stupid.” Lana explains.

She quickly wipes away at her eyes that had started to well up as she spoke.

“You’re right it was fucking selfish. Just so you know in foster care she got bounced around a few times and had it pretty rough.” Dagon tells her.

“That’s not what I wanted for her and I’m so sorry she had to go through that. I still do believe that she would have been far worse off staying with me.” Lana says firmly.

“I can’t speak for anyone else but with me personally I want you to know that I don’t judge you for giving up your child. It takes a lot of strength to realize that you’re not okay and are unfit to parent. That being said some of the other details surrounding it may not have been the best way to go about it. I think you realize that now though.” Zira tells her.

Lana nods.

“Yes I do. I appreciate you saying that.”

“For the record I don’t judge you for giving Crowley up. I just judge for the rest of it.” Dagon adds.

“Well I appreciate your honesty.” Lana says.

“Moving forward I can’t guarantee she’ll want to meet with you but I’ll try.” Zira says.

“I understand. I’m grateful to even just get to speak with you.” Lana tells her, nodding.

Lana pushes back from the table and starts to stand. Zira hops to her feet and rounds around that table.

“Regardless of what happens I’m glad I got to meet you at least.” Lana tells her.

“Can I ask one thing before you go?” Zira requests.

Lana nods.

“Where is Anthony buried?” She asks.

“Edinburgh. His family is from Scotland and he’s buried by the rest of his family. His father is buried there as well.” Lana explains.

“Oh, well good to know then.”

They say their goodbyes and Anathema waits till Lana was out the door and down the street before jumping over to their table. Zira took a deep breath. She felt like she had been holding her breath for the whole conversation. 

“Well that was something. She seemed well intention but it’s going to hurt Red regardless.” Dagon says.

“I agree. This won’t be easy but it is nice that Lana doesn't seem to be malicious in nature.” Zira adds.

“Her aura seemed sad and troubled but inherently good.” Anathema informs them.

“Well I suppose I should get home before Crowley worries herself to death.” Zira tells them. “Let me know if you need anything, okay?” Dagon tells her.

“Thank you I will.”

“I’ll drop you off home.” Anathema offers.

Zira, upon entering the shop, hears the floorboards above creaking excessively. She could easily track Crowley’s anxious footsteps. As she climbed the steps she found her fiance pacing about the living room. She held her phone in hand and drummed her fingers nervously against the back of it. Once she noticed Zira’s return she stopped in her tracks.

“Oh darling come sit.” Zira dotes and ushers Crowley to sit on the couch with her.

Zira holds her close and rubs her back till Crowley stopped trembling and twitching. 

“That’s it my love just focus on me and not your thoughts.” Zira coos.

“I...I’m okay. I promise.” Crowley mumbles.

Zira kisses her temple and hugs her a little tighter.

“So…” Crowley tries to start.

“We don’t have to talk about it right now.” Zira offers.

“No, I want to just get it over with.” Crowley tells her.

“It was awkward and uncomfortable but went well. You’re half Scottish by the way.” Zira informs her.

Crowley snorted out a laugh. 

“Really that’s what you want to start with?” Crowley questions.

“Well I thought it was quite interesting.” Zira defends.

“Which half?” Crowley asks.

“Father. He’s buried in Edinburgh with the rest of his family. He sounds like he was a wonderful man. His father adored you. He was the one who left you his car and other things. He is buried near Anthony. Lana sent me a photo of Anthony. He’s very handsome, you look just like him.” Zira answers.

“So I’ve been told.” she says with a frown.

Looking like Anthony Crowley only ever got her punished. 

“It’d be easier if he was a bellend. Then I can just hate him and move on. Now I’m stuck with what could have been an amazing father and I’ll never get to know him.” Crowley says with a frustrated sigh.

“I understand love. You know I went through something similar with my family. It would have been easier to hate them and move on but the bottled up hate will only make you feel awful inside.” Zira tells her. “We could always take a trip up there to visit their graves.” Zira suggests.

“I...I think I’d like that. Can I see the picture she sent you?” Crowley requests.

“Of course.” 

Zira grabs her phone off of the coffee table and opens up the photo. Crowley takes the phone and looks at it closer. She had never actually seen her father before. Her mother never had photos of him around, why would she if it was too painful to even look at her own daughter. In the photo Anthony stood leaned against a beat up dirty truck. A shepherd dog sat at his feet. Crowley was taken aback looking at the man. She of course knew full well he had to look like her but not this much. His vibrant ginger hair was tied up exposing his face and neck full of freckles. Golden eyes peered over a pair of sunglasses. He looked tall and long limbed like herself.

“He worked on his father's farm. I’m not too certain what happened to the farm after your grandfather's passing. As far as I know Anthony was an only child and Lana didn’t mention his mother.” Zira tells her.

“I remember that dog. It was a little older and his name was Winston. I….I remember my Mo...Lana, arguing with someone and I’d hug the dog.” Crowley says.

“That could have been your grandfather. It’s my understanding the two didn’t get along.” Zira suggests.

“So what did you think about her?” Crowley asks.

“I don’t want you to just go along with what I think.” Zira says cautiously.

“I won’t but you’re one of few people in the world whose opinions mean something to me. I...I don’t know what to do with her. The angry teenager in me wants to tell her to fuck off but the sad little kid me just wants to know what it feels like to have mother who loves her.” Crowley admits.

Zira’s heart ached for Cowley. It pained her to see her love in such distress. She also understood exactly how it felt.

“I can’t tell you which decision you should make. I can tell you what I think about Lana but understand that my opinion might be a bit influenced by my own experience with my father.” Zira tells her.

“I’d still like to hear it.”

“Well I think Lana spent a very long time running from her problems and then when she finally dealt with them she spent a time feeling terribly guilty for her actions and decisions. I believe she’s just now pulling herself out of the guilt spiral and is trying to do something about it. Dagon, Anathema and I all seem to agree that she has good intentions. That being said good intentions or not it’s still going to drag up old bad memories and will likely still be painful. If you decide to try and have a relationship with her again, I would suggest easing into it. You’ll both get hurt less that way.” Zira explains.

Crowley nods.

“Can...can we go lie down for a bit? I don’t really feel like doing much of anything at the moment.” she requests.

“Of course Darling. If you’re up for it later we can go to dinner or I’ll just make us something.” Zira tells her.

Zira made them breakfast for dinner, which delighted Crowley, after cuddling together for a while. Crowley helped with dishes before slipping off downstairs and out to the garden. She could do for a bit of fresh air. She pulls on her jacket as she steps out into the garden. She pulls her jacket closed as a cold breeze hits her. 

“Bloody winter is coming in.” she curses and grabs her phone.

“Hey Red.” Dagon answers after a few rings.

“Hey.”

“You okay?” She asks.

“Not really but you probably figured that.” 

“Yeah. I’m sorry Red nothing about this is going to be nice or fun but you’ve got support.” 

“I...I think I want to meet her. At the very least. I’m undecided if I want her to stick around but I think I should see her again.” Crowley tells her.

“Okay, if that’s what you want to do then we’ll make it happen. Do you want Zira and I to be there?” Dagon asks.

“Yes, definitely.” 

“Okay, let me know when and where and I’ll be there. If you really want to have the advantage we could ask Bee about doing it at HH like in the lobby or something.” Dagon suggests.

Crowley snorts out a snicker.

“Right like hey mum hows it going, welcome to my Hell themed workplace let's have a chat by our twelve foot python. That surely will scare her off.” Crowley jokes.

“Well if that’s what you want to do we can have Lilith and the boys jump out in their demon costumes.” Dagon adds.

Crowley grins at the idea.

“Nah don’t wanna give the poor woman a heart attack.”

“Bee would be pissed if someone died on premises after working so bloody hard to build up our reputation.” 

“Yeah and I’ve had way too many chances with Bee and I’d like to keep my job. Well anyways thanks mate.” 

“Of course. Keep me posted.” 

When Crowley ran back up to the flat she found Zira starting up the fire place. She smiles and plops down onto the floor next to her. She leans up close to Zira who jumps slightly at the feel of her skin.

“Darling you’re freezing!” Zira gasps. 

“Yeah my jacket was probably a tad too thin for winter.” Crowley admits.

Zira stretches over to grab a tartan blanket off of one of the chairs and throws it over both of their shoulders. Crowley leans into Zira’s side and lets her angel hug her close. 

“I talked to Dagon.” Crowley starts.

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yeah. I, ah, I decided that at the very least I’d like to see  _ her  _ and go from there.” Crowley tells her.

“Then we’ll do that.” 

“I want you and Dagon to come.” 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We could invite her to the shop but seeing how we live here too I don’t know if you feel comfortable with that.” Zira suggests.

“Dagon suggested we do it at the bar. I think she was joking but it’s not a bad idea. I mean Lana already knows where I work.” Crowley says.

“I think that sounds like a nice idea. Do you want me to set it up with her?” Zira asks.

“Please.” 

Zira kisses her temple and smiles.

“Okay, I’ll do that tomorrow love.”   
Crowley just nods and scotches down to rest her head against Zira’s shoulder and watches the fire dance around.

About a week later Crowley found herself pacing about the main hall floor while Zira sat at the bar watching her pace with a frown. Upstairs Dagon waited in the lobby for Lana to arrive. Zira checked her phone every thirty seconds or so for instructions to bring Crowley up.

“Crowley if you don’t sit still I’ll make you.” Bee’s voice calls out suddenly.

Zira jumps at it slightly and Crowley just stops in her tracks. She mumbles an apology and sits next to Zira. Her pacing was traded in for anxiously bouncing her leg insead.

“Dagon knows to send me up if  _ she  _ acts out of turn.” Bee tells her.

She knew it was Bee’s own brand of trying to be comforting. People did not call Bee ‘Five Feet of Fury’ for no reason. Those people also would never dare to say that with Bee anywhere nearby.

“Thanks boss.” Crowley says with a little grin.

Bee in nearly a flash disappears off back to the office. The staff never knew how Bee got around places so quickly and quite frankly did not want to know.

“Can I ask something about Bee?” Zira asks.

“I guess.”

“I noticed none of you really use pronouns with Bee, I’m just curious as to why.” Zira says.

“Oh, well as far I can tell Bee is non binary. I asked Dagon what to refer to Bee as because I noticed the lack of pronouns too. Bee popped out of nowhere and said I shouldn’t refer to them at all.” Crowley says with a grin. “So we just call Bee, Bee.” 

“That makes sense then.” 

Zira’s phone buzzes against the bar counter. She grabs it and checks the message from Dagon. 

_ She’s here. _

“Go time?” Crowley asks.

Zira nods. Crowley leans over the bar and grabs a bottle of vodka. She pours herself a shot and knocks it back.

“Really Crowley?” Zira scolds.

“What? If I had my choice I wouldn’t be doing this sober at all.” Crowley says jokingly.

Zira sighs and takes Crowley’s face in her hands.

“I’m going to be right by your side the whole time darling. If you feel too uncomfortable at anytime we can leave, okay?” Zira tells her. 

Crowley leans into her touch and hums in agreement. 

“Thank you angel.” she says and takes one of Zira’s hands and kisses it.

Zira takes a hold of Crowley's hand and squeezes it reassuringly as they climb the steps up to the lobby. Crowley started to tremble in Zira’s hand as they approached the pair of women standing in front of Luci’s enclosure. 

“So Luci here is our mascot of sorts. She’s Red...Crowley’s pet really.” Dagon explains to Lana.

“She was too big to keep in my flat and fits the aesthetic here.” Crowley says, before she lost her nerve.

Lana turns to look at them. She smiles at the sight of her daughter and lets out a too long held breath.

“She’s beautiful.” Lana says, but she really meant Crowley herself.

“And as much as I like Luci we certainly can not fit her in with us.” Zira adds.

“I, um, I told Zira already but congratulations on your engagement.” Lana says nervously.

“Thanks. I...I’m really lucky to have her.” Crowley says back.

Crowley was still trembling in Zira's hand. She squeezes it again and smiles up at her. Crowley could hardly stop staring at Lana. The few memories she had of her flashed through her mind. The grand majority of them were negative. Lana looked roughly the same though a little more worn out. 

“Annie I..” Lana starts.

“Don’t.” Crowley interrupts. “Don’t call me that.” 

Lana bit her lip and nodded.

“Of course, I...I’m so…” Lana tries again.

“Please spare me apologies. I’ve heard them. Just tell me one thing though, do you regret it?” Crowley asks.

“Yes, everyday. I regret that I didn’t get help for myself, I regret not accepting help with you and I regret the way I acted and treated you.” Lana answers, her voice wavering a bit.

“Nearly every memory I have of you is bad, do you realize that?” Crowley asks, she could feel the anger trying to boil up. She swallows it back as best she could.

“I know and that’s my own fault. If you would be open to it I’d love nothing more than to replace them with better ones.” Lana says hopefully.

Crowley grips Zira’s hand tighter and takes a deep breath.

“I have to think about it. Right now I’m not sure.” Crowley answers.

“That’s okay I understand. I’m thankful for even just getting to do this. I...I’m so happy for and proud of you.” Lana tells her.

Crowley sucks in a breath and nods. She suddenly pulls free of Zira’s hand and turns her back to them. She thanked someone that her glasses were dark enough to hide her watering eyes.

“Angel…” She says and starts to walk off towards the stairs. 

“Thank you for coming Lana, I’ll be in touch.” Zira says before hurrying off after Crowley.

She catches up with Crowley in the main hall. Crowley drops her glasses letting them crash to the floor. She then collides into Zira, pressing her face into the crock of Zira’s neck. Zira hugs her tightly as Crowley breaks down fully. The floodgates burst open as she sobs into Zira’s skin and shirt. 

“It’s okay my love, it’s over with now. You’re okay.” Zira coos.

“She...she has no right to...to say that to me.” Crowley says through broken sobs. “She…..she has no right to be...to be proud of me.” 

“I’m sorry darling.” 

Zira held her and did her best to soothe her and just let Crowley get it all out. Zira never heard footsteps but at some point she looks up to find Bee standing a few feet away. It makes her jump slightly and briefly dislodges Crowley, who groans in complaint.

“Crowley you really shouldn’t give that woman so much power.” Bee says.

Crowley pulls away from Zira and quickly wipes at her face before turning to look at Bee in confusion.

“What are you on about?” Crowley asks.

“Whether she’s proud of you or not shouldn’t matter a damn to you. Letting her opinions affect you like this gives her power. You should really only care if you are proud of yourself. Which by the way you should be, you’ve come quite a long ways since Lilith drug you round here. You’re far less irritating.” Bee tells her.

Crowley stares at Bee in stunned silence. Bee just shrugs and walks past them and up the stairs. Crowley lets out a breath like she had been punched in the gut. Zira touches her shoulder to get her attention and smiles at her.

“You okay?” Zira asks softly.

“Yeah. I..That was honestly the nicest thing Bee has ever said to me.” Crowley tells her.

“Bee is right, your opinion of yourself is the only one that should matter but for the record I’m incredibly proud of you. You’ve been so brave and strong through this.” Zira says taking and squeezing her hand.

“Stop it or I’ll just start crying again.” Crowley grumbles.

Zira chuckles.

“I’m sorry darling. Let’s go home yeah?” She suggests. 

“Please.”


	22. Eat, Drink, be merry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well I'm back. Sorry for the wait as you all know the world is really crazy right now. I thankfully still have my job and have been healthy but it has not been easy the last few weeks. I'm mostly working from home now. 
> 
> So I made this chapter to be extra sweet and fun because I'm sure we all could use that right now. This chapter has some wedding planning, fluff, fun times with friends and Christmas surprises. I hope you like it!

One especially cold morning in early December Zira woke to Crowley practically trying to climb into her at how much she was clinging to Zira. She was used to Crowley in the winter time by now and just let her. Zira hugs her tightly and pulls the blanket and comforter over them more. Crowley sighs constantly and loosens her vice grip on Zira. 

“You know angel when I went through therapy and stopped drinking to forget my problems I would start randomly remembering shit.” Crowley says, still a bit sleepy.

“Hmm, that sounds normal. I learned through my own therapy that people who experience trauma often have spotty memories. It’s a defense mechanism to forget but finally remembering those long buried things can be painful.” Zira says back.

“Yeah they can. I just remembered something now and it’s really just a silly thing but I figured you ought to know since we're getting married and all.” Crowley tells her.

“You don’t have to but I’m happy to listen darling.” 

“Well you know how my right nipple is far less sensitive than the left one?” Crowley questions.

Zira could not stop herself from snorting out a laugh. Of all the things she expected her darling fiance to say that was not it.

“What on earth are you on about?” Zira questions.

“My one nipple is way more sensitive than the other! I know you’ve had to notice. Well I’m remembering why now. I once got the one pierced but it got infected so I took it out and it didn’t heal right I don’t think. S’all well and good anyways the damn thing used to get caught on everything. I couldn’t wear lace bralettes for months.” Crowley explains.

“So let me get this straight. The first thing you wanted to tell me this morning was about how you once had a botched nipple piercing?” Zira says quite amused.

“Yes, excuse me for sharing things with my fiance.” Crowley says fake offense.

“Well I suppose I’ll just have to learn to lean to the left from now on.” Zira says with a coy smile.

“I love you, you know.” Crowley says with a grin.

“I do and I love you too.” Zira says back and kisses her briefly. 

“So what’s on the agenda today?” Crowley asks, sitting up to stretch a bit.

“Well I think we should talk about Christmas plans. It’s only two weeks away.” Zira proposes.

“Okay, do you have something in mind?” Crowley questions.

“Well Gabriel threw around the idea of him hosting Christmas. Have Michael and her husband, us, and possibly Gina and girls up. He even offered for Tracy and Mr. Shadwell to come up too.” Zira informs her.

“Sure why not. Last time we went up was a bit of a mess. Why not get in some good times with my new sibling in laws to be?” Crowley agrees.

“Wonderful! I’ll go call Gabriel.” Zira beams.

Zira kisses her cheek and happily hops out of bed. Crowley hears her voice out in the living. She always walked about when she was on the phone. Crowley adored the predictability of it. Zira was certainly a creature of habit. She took the opportunity to snag the bathroom first while Zira chatted with her brother.

“Darling, Gabriel is excited for us to come up! He’s already planning things for dinner and volunteering some of his congregation to assist with decorating the house.” Zira calls to her.

Crowley popped open the door to the bathroom.

“Is that an abuse of power?” Crowley jokes.

“I’m sure they’re happy to help regardless.” Zira says. 

“True. I’ll go start the kettle for you.” Crowley tells her.

Zira calls a thanks over her shoulder as she shuffles into the bathroom. Crowley touts around the kitchen collecting things to make Zira's morning tea. Kettle, black tea bags, and sugar cubes. She leans against the counter as she waits for the kettle to boil. She entertains herself by going through the previous days post. Bills all marked for Zira. She tosses them back onto the counter as Zira enters the kitchen.

“You know darling I was thinking we could talk about some wedding things today before you have to head in for work.” Zira proposes as she takes her favorite winged mug down from a cabinet.

“Yeah I suppose we should start having those discussions. I’m getting tired of Lilith hounding me for details. Up till now I’ve just been telling her to piss off.” Crowley says with an amused grin.

“I’m certainly in no rush but the others might be.” Zira says with a smile.

“I can’t wait to be married but also rather avoid the stress of planning the thing. So if that means taking our time then so be it.” Crowley tells her.

“I think we can find a mostly stress free way to plan that also doesn’t leave you chomping at the bit as it were with anticipation. I actually was going to pick Gabriel and Michael's brains at Christmas. Michael has been through the whole process and Gabriel has no doubt officiated one or two or at the very least has had a few at the church.” Zira informs her.

“Sounds like a good idea angel.”

“It’s a bit ahead of the curve but I do have an idea for a honeymoon.” Zira teases.

“Oh? And what is that?” Crowley asks intrigued.

“I was thinking we would go up to Edinburgh.” Zira proposes, a touch nervous.

Crowley popped an eyebrow in surprise.

“Shocked you didn’t suggest Paris or somewhere in Italy.” Crowley tells her.

“Well those both seem to be rather cliche places people go for honeymoons. Besides I’ve never been to Scotland and it could be a nice opportunity for us to go visit your families homeland.” Zira explains.

“I like the idea but tell me you don’t just want to go because of Harry Potter.” Crowley jokes.

Zira cracks a smile.

“I mean that’s an added bonus.” Zira says earning a chuckle from Crowley. “I’ve decided I’m going to ask Anathema to be my maid of honor.” Zira adds.

“I’m sure she’ll be honored but once you do that there will be no stopping the questions.”

“True I suppose but once she’s on board she can assist with planning.” Zira points out.

“I’m torn between the Dagon’s myself.” Crowley tells her.

“I had a hard time choosing between Tracy and Anathema myself but Tracy insisted I pick a friend and that’s she’s family. I do want them both in my party though.” 

“Lilith has already warned me that once spring hits she’s going to be dragging me around to dress shops.” 

“I haven’t even thought about that part yet. I suppose we could really wear anything, though I have been fond of the dresses. Anathema turned me on to this american show about brides picking out their dresses. They’re all so lovely.” Zira says.

“I don’t often wear dresses and this seems to be the best occasion to do so.” Crowley says with a shrug. “ But it’ll have to be black. I can’t be caught dead in white.” She adds.

Zira cracked an amused smile.

“Of course darling, you can wear whatever you’d like. Besides you’re stunning in black.” She tells her casually.

Blush creeped across Crowley's cheeks as she squirmed a bit uncomfortably. Zira hides a grin behind her tea mug as she takes a sip.

“Cheeky bastard.” Crowley grumbles.

“I do have one idea I’d like to run by you.” Crowley tells after composing herself.

“Let’s hear it then.” Zira says with an edge of giddy.

“Well I have an idea for a bouquet for you that i’d like to put together. It’ll be a fun surprise for you.” Crowley explains, a tad nervous.

“Oh darling that sounds like such a fantastic idea! Can I put yours together then? We can surprise each other.” Zira gleefully proposes.

“Sure angel.” 

“Anathema told me that she would lose her mind if we don’t allow her to do a wedding photo shoot for us.” Zira tells her.

“S’only fair she did introduce us after all.” 

“What do you think about asking Gabriel to officiate?” Zira proposes.

“Hmm, sure I s’pose that makes sense. I’m not too keen on getting hitched in a church though.” Crowley says honestly.

“Neither am I darling.”

“Oh, well good. You and I could really wear whatever we’d like though I rarely wear dresses. Seems like a good reason too. Though it’ll have to be black. Can’t catch me dead in white.” 

Zira snorts a laugh.

“That’s fine love, you look stunning in black.” Zira says with a coy grin and takes a sip of her tea.

Crowley blushed and squirmed a bit in her chair. 

“I actually have an idea I’d like to run by you.” Crowley says.

“Oh lovely, let's hear it then!” Zira says gleefully.

“It’s a surprise but I’d like to put together your bouquet.” Crowley proposes.

“Oh what a wonderful idea! Can I do one for you? Then it’s surprise for us both?” Zira requests.

“Sure Angel.” 

After seeing Crowley off Zira spent most of the afternoon tidying up shelves. Someone had left a pair of sunglasses on a shelf. They would go in her lost and found box but seeing how they were darker shaded she knew full well Crowley would end up taking them for herself. As much as she relied on her sunglasses the woman left them everywhere. Zira figured she had to be buying them in bulk. Just before Zira was thinking of closing up for dinner she hears the doorbell chime. She pops her head out into the main aisle and is surprised to find Lana standing in the shop, looking about.

“Oh hello Lana.” Zira greets her with a pleasant smile.

“Hello, sorry to just drop in. I was in SOHO and could not resist coming to check out your shop.” Lana tells her.

“It’s alright, you're certainly welcome to. I was about to close up for dinner if you’d like to join me.” Zira offers.

“Oh I don’t want to impose.” 

“It’s alright I was thinking of going around the corner to this place that makes lovely soups, I’d hate to go alone.” Zira tells her.

“Alright then that sounds wonderful. If it’s alright, us going to dinner and chatting a bit.” Lana says.

“Crowley won’t mind.” Zira says, understanding her nervousness. 

“Is she working tonight?” Lana asks.

“Yes, they have an event going on tonight.” Zira confirms.

“Do they stay quite busy year round then?” Lana inquires.

“Through the winter most of their events are on weekend nights. Even still they’re busier than me during winter.” Zira says with a shrug. “Let me go grab my jacket and we can head out.” 

Lana nods. Zira quickly jogs up the steps to the flat. She grabs her phone that she left charging in the kitchen and sends a text to Crowley.

_ **Zira**: Lana just popped into the shop. _

Over the last month Zira had chatted with Lana over the phone a few times. Crowley was fine with it. She preferred Zira be the one to have contact with Lana till she could work through her own feelings. That being said Zira always made sure to keep Crowley updated with her interactions with Lana. The moment it became uncomfortable for Crowley Zira would cut off contact. 

_ **Crowley**: I figured that would happen eventually. _

_ **Zira: **I was about to pop out for dinner and thought it would be rude to kick her out so I invited her to come with me. _

_ **Crowley:** Ever my thoughtful angel :) Snag me something to nibble on later?  _

_ **Zira**: Of course! I know you get ravenous after work. I love you, don’t work too hard! _

_ **Crowley**: Love you right back _

Zira smiles and pockets her phone. She grabs her winter coat hung up by the door and heads back down to the shop. She finds Lana admiring one of the framed photographs on the end of a bookshelf. Zira approaches her with a smile.

“That and the other photos were all taken by my friend Anathema.” Zira explains.

“They’re quite lovely. She certainly has some real talent for it.” Lana comments.

“She really does. I actually met Crowley because of Anathema.”

“Really?” 

“Yes, Crowley used to live above Anathema. Crowley was a model for Anathema once and needless to say I became very smitten with her after seeing the photos. Eventually Anathema introduced us in person.” Zira tells her.

Zira smiles at the memory of meeting Crowley for the first time. It was not all that long ago in the grand scheme of things but the two had come a long way in the last year. 

“It’s funny that at the beginning I asked us to take things slow. Crowley and I both had previous relationships end badly plus with us both having our own truma’s I thought it for the best. It was good for us for a bit but we both seemed to swan dive pretty quickly into things.” Zira says with a chuckle.

“I used to think that the whole you’ll know when they’re the one thing was total shit till I met Anthony.” Lana says with a smile.

“I’m very sorry you lost him. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to Crowley.” 

“Thank you. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t miss him.”

“I’m sure. Let’s head out shall we?” 

Over dinner they chatted about the wedding. Lana had a few recommendations of florists and dress makers. Zira learned that Lana worked as an editor for an online news outlet. During her career she became familiar with many businesses London and its surrounding burrows had to offer. Zira felt a little awkward talking about the wedding with her. Things between her and Crowley were still uneasy. The lingering elephant of whether Lana would be invited to the wedding was hovering over them during dinner. Zira was thankful Lana never brought it up, just offered kindly advice. 

Lana walked back to the shop with her after dinner. Zira’s neary frozen fingers did their best to grip onto the take away bag as they walked. She really needed to toss out these worn out gloves but she never could find the heart to. As they approached the shop Zira notices the lights on upstairs. 

“You didn’t leave anything on did you?” Lana asks, seeing Zira’s puzzled face.

“No. Perhaps Crowley’s back early. Or Tracy popped over. She still has a key.” Zira ponders aloud.

“How about I come with just in case?” Lana offers.

Zira nods and thanks her with a grateful smile. Zira unlocks the door and lets the pair in. Upstairs they heard some chatter from multiple voices followed by boisterous laughter. Zira and Lana share a quizzical yet slightly amused look. Zira led the way up the stairs and into the flat. Crowley and Dagon sat on the couch, lilith in Zirs’s armchair, and Ligur and Hastur on the floor. Each had a glass in hand. Crowley notices them first and pops off the couch.

“Hey there she is.” Crowley greets them.

“What on earth is going on?” Zira asks with a laugh.

“Long story but there was a fight.” Crowley starts.

“Yeah two wankers had it out in the middle of the crowd. Got blood all over Bee’s floors.” Dagon adds.

“Oh my word.” Zira gasps. “Well I’m assuming you all are alright.”

“Yeah we’re good. The one poor bloke got stabbed though. In the arm but still, shit way to end a night.” Lilith tells her.

“Should of been there to see Bee. All five feet of them up on the bar with a baseball bat threatening the nutter with the pocket knife to move a muscle till the coppers got there.” Crowley laughs.

“He pissed himself!” Ligur cackles. 

“Bee’s stuck dealing with the cops but is gonna swing by later.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh my what a night.” Lana comments.

“We get a few looners every now and again but that’s what security is for.” Crowley says with a shrug.

“Of course. Well I’ll leave you to it. I hope you all have a better rest of your night. Thanks for dinner Zira.” Lana tells them.

“Thank you for coming up with me. I’ll talk to you soon.” Zira tells her with a smile.

“Bye Ms Lana!” Lilith calls politely.

“I’ll walk you out.” Zira tells her.

The two disappear back down the steps and Crowley sits back down on the couch.

“How’s that going?” Hastur asks, gesturing to where Lana previously was.

“Still awkward and a bit uncomfortable.” Crowley answers honestly, taking a sip of her wine.

“Is having Zira as buffer help?” Dagon asks.

“It’s probably cowardly but yeah it makes it a little easier.” She answers.

“You’ll have to talk to her eventually.” Dagon points out.

“Yes mum I know.” Crowley says with a scowl.

As soon as she heard Zira’s feet walking up the steps Crowley rushed over to the door. She takes the takeaway bag from Zira’s hand and kisses her cheek.

“Thanks for dinner angel.” 

“Oh of course! They had this lovely thai coconut curry inspired soup I thought you’d enjoy.” Zira tells her with a fond smile.

“Sounds fantastic.”

“If I know you’d all be over I would have brought back more food.” Zira tells the group.

“It's alright angel, we start feeding them and they’ll never leave.” Crowley jokingly tells her.

Zira follows Crowley into the kitchen. She leans against a counter while Crowley puts away her food.

“So, how’d it go?” Crowley questions.

“I found out she's a news editor. She had some lovely suggestions for local dress shops, florists and caterers for us.” Zira answers.

“Nice of her ‘spose.” Crowley mumbles.

“Though I think we should at least ask Charlie if he’d be interested in making a cake for us. You know, support the family” Zira tells her.

“Be rude not to. ‘Sides I like Charlie, he’s a good bloke.” Crowley agrees.

The group spent the rest of the night drinking and laughing. The Hell Hole crew spared no opportunity to tease their mostly newly engaged friends. Bee arrived part way through the night still steaming from having to deal with the police and get blood cleaned off of her floors. Zira woke the next morning to her living room littered with sleeping bodies of her dear fiance's coworkers. She smiled at the lot of them and got to work making a rather large breakfast.

About a week before Christmas Crowley was borderline obsessively cleaning their flat while Zira worked downstairs. Crowley loved to absolute death but Zira had a tendency to leave things lying about to clutter. It was not on purpose Zira just collected things and would get busy and forget to put them away. It gave Crowley something to keep busy with during the day time. As she was collecting Zira’s forgotten books her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hey Crowley it’s Gabriel.” 

“Oh, hey. What’s up?” Crowley asks, hiding her confusion as to why he would call her.

“Look I know we made plans for Christmas up here but Michael thought it might be fun for us to come to you but as a surprise for Zira.” Gabriel explains.

“Huh, yeah that would definitely surprise her but I think she’d love it. And then panic because we weren’t prepared to have guests.” Crowley tells him.

“Don’t worry about that we’ll bring everything down we need. Would you be able to get Zira out of the house for a few hours? Michael, Charlie and I can come in and decorate and surprise her.” Gabriel suggests.

“Sure I can do that when abouts are you thinking of coming?” Crowley questions.

“Friday.” 

“Okay well I’ve got two days to come up with something then.” 

“We can push it back if you need more time.” Gabriel offers.

“No it’s alright I can work with that.” 

Come Friday Crowley woke herself up early which took a great deal of difficulty. In the end doing something nice for Zira won over her desire to sleep. She put on the kettle to make her angels favorite tea and got to work trying to assemble a breakfast. She tried to make a simple fried egg and ended up with scrambled eggs. She managed with bacon with only a few grease burns and didn’t burn the toast. 

“Oh dearest this is so lovely!” Zira gushed when she entered the kitchen.

“I wanted to make you breakfast and...well I tried.” Crowley tells her a tad nervous.

“It's wonderful darling, thank you!” She tells her and kisses Crowley’s cheek.

“I actually have an early Christmas present for you.” Crowley tells her as they sit down to eat.

“Really?” 

“Mmhmm. I pulled some strings, well Bee did, and you and I are going to see the Nutcracker tonight.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh Crowley, really?!” Zira gasps.

“Yup. I know you’ve been wanting to go.” 

“This is so wonderful Darling thank you!”

Crowley set it up with Tracy the day before to let the Fell siblings into the bookshop once they were gone. Gabriel had agreed to wait till seven that night to arrive. It was the curtain time for the show guaranteeing Crowley and Zira would be far from the shop. Once they were sat in their seats Crowley checked her phone to see a  _ we’re in,  _ text from Gabriel. Zira was far too engrossed in the sights of the theater to notice. 

“This is so exciting! We should get all dressed up and go out more often.” Zira tells her with her trademark smile.

“Sure angel.”

Crowley nearly made them late and ruined the whole plan when she stepped out of the bathroom and saw Zira in her dark burgundy red dress. She had never seen Zira in any dark colors and she did not think Zira could get any more gorgeous. Zira was accented with a few gold jewelry pieces and touch of makeup. Crowley forgot how to speak for a moment.

“Do...do I look okay?” Zira had asked, biting her lip nervously.

Crowley let out a long exhale.

“Angel you damn near gave me a heart attack. You got to warn me before you walk about looking so gorgeous.” 

Zira blushed terribly.

“I was looking for an outfit for Christmas dinner, which I also got, but then saw this and it reminded me of you. Thought it’d be nice for a special date night.” Zira explains.

It took everything Crowley had to not undress her angel and drag into bed. No, she had to stick with the plan. As they watched the show Crowley realized that she would not be able to have her angel afterwards either. Damn Gabriel and his plan. She considered the idea of sneaking off with Zira somewhere while everyone was distracted with the ballet but there was no way Zira would agree to it. So she sulked silently in her seat. 

Zira hummed Nutcracker songs to herself during the ride home. Seeing her so delighted and cheery helped cure ease the disappointed feeling in part of Crowley's lustful lizard brain. Crowley sent a quick text to Gabriel letting him know they were home before rounding to open Zira’s door for her. She smiled and thanked her. Zira latched on to Crowley's arm as they walked into the shop. Zira was too smitten with her fiance to notice the light on upstairs. As they stepped into the flat Zira noticed the new decorations right away.

“What on earth?” She starts to question.

“Surprise!!” A chorus of yells echoed in the room.

Gabriel, Michael and Charlie popped out from the living room. Each was dressed in Christmas sweaters. Zira jumped slightly at the noise of them yelling then clutched her chest.

“What are you guys doing here?!” Zira gasps in shock and joy mixed together.

“Gabriel called a few days ago and asked for my help to set this all up.” Crowley tells her.

“I thought it would be more fun if we came to you.” Michael adds.

“This is so incredible! Crowley was the show a real gift or a clever way to keep me out of the house?” Zira questions.

“A little of both.” Crowley answers with a grin.

With her heels Zira did not have to stretch up as much to kiss Crowley.

“Thank you Darling this has been a perfect day.” Zira tells her with a smile.

“Ngk, well to be fair those two planned most of it.” Crowley insists.

“Are you sure you’d rather be here for Christmas?” Zira questions her siblings.

“I can host next year. We don’t get out of the country much.” Gabriel tells her.

“Yeah we haven’t been to London in years.” Charlie adds.

“Well I’m so happy you're all here.” Zira beams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are safe and healthy! Please do what you can to help others and stay safe yourself! Follow guidelines set in place by your local authorities and we'll all get through this. 
> 
> If anyone wants to chat about fandoms or random stuff as a distraction I added my tumblr to my bio so come hang out!


	23. Christmas with the Fells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay look I read a couple of really good Ineffable Bureaucracy fics and it lead to me adding a plot point here lol. It's not usually my thing but I've been converted. Anyways here's some family fun, a little scandal, and tons of Wives fluff.

They got Michael and Charlie settled into the spare room and Gabriel in the living room that night. There was some protest but Zira won in the end insisting her family stay with them. Crowley, already comfortable under her layers of blankets, grinned at Zira as she approached the bed. It was her up to no good grin, Zira knew it well by now.

“What?” She questions.

“You’re going to have to wear that red dress for me again.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh really now? I take it you’re a fan.” Zira says with a smile.

“Big fan me. It’s been killing me having to keep my hands to myself all night.” Crowley admits.

“Well you don't have to now.” Zira tells her suggestively as she slides into her side of bed.

“Oh please angel you and I both know you can’t keep quiet. ‘Sides I feel weird doing it with a preacher in the flat.” Crowley tells her.

“You’re not even religious.” Zira laughs.

“Still.” 

Zira rolled her eyes fondly and snuggled herself down under the blankets.

“We’ll just have to have a fancy date night after Christmas then.” Zira tells her.

Crowley just hums in agreement.

The next day Michael and Charlie woke up early to go sight seeing for the day. Gabriel helped Zira with breakfast. It was nice doing something so normal with her siblings again.

“Should we wake Crowley?” He asks.

“I usually let her sleep in but it’d be a shame to waste all of this food.” Zira says.

“I’ll set the table.” 

“Feel free to rummage through the cabinets for tableware.” Zira calls over her shoulder.

Zira found Crowley fast asleep as she expected. She adored the way Crowley looked when she was sleeping. Her sharp features softened, relaxed and peaceful. Zira sat at the edge of the bed and gently patted Crowley’s arm. One golden eye popped open.

“I must have died in my sleep and went to heaven.” Crowley says groggy from sleep.

Zira sighed and shook her head at her.

“That joke was only cute the first time you said it darling.” Zira tells her.

“You still secretly love it. Can’t lie to me angel.” Crowley retorts.

“I very much love you and that’s not a secret.” Zira tells her and leans down to kiss her cheek. “Now get up. Gabriel and I made breakfast.” She instructs.

“Did he bless the waffles?” Crowley jokes.

“Oh hush you.” Zira scolds and playful smacks her on the arm.

“I saw you crack a smile angel!” Crowley calls as Zira gets up from the bed.

“Get dressed.” Zira calls back as she exits the room.

When she reenters the kitchen she finds the table half set and Gabriel missing. She thought it odd at first but assumed he left for the restroom or to grab something. She hummed to herself as she set the rest of the table. She caught the sound of voices through the vent from downstairs. She went to the door, opened it and listened. Voices echoed up the stairwell, at least two. 

Curiosity struck her hard and she found herself descending the stairs. In the main area of the shop she was surprised to find Bee, who was scowling up at Gabriel.

“Oh good, Zira would you please confirm that I am in fact your brother?” Gabriel requests, looking rather annoyed.

“Good morning Bee! Yes this is in fact my brother Gabriel.” Zira confirms with a smile.

“Right, the preacher.” Bee practically grimaces like it were a dirty word.

“I’m so sorry about this. Crowley must have forgotten to tell you and Dagon we changed plans.” Zira tells her apologetically.

“You tell her she owes me big time.” Bee snarls.

Gabriel could feel a cold shiver worm its way up his spine.

“Would you like to stay for breakfast?” Zira offers.

“No, thanks.” Bee says and turns on a heel and walks out of the shop.

“What a fascinating and terrifying person.” Gabriel comments.

When they head back up stairs they find Crowley at the table helping herself to some of the eggs. She gives them a quizzical arched eyebrow when they enter.

“You two up to something?” She jokingly asked.

“Darling you forgot to tell Dagon and Bee that they don’t need to look after the shop and flat anymore.” Zira tells her simply.

“Oh shit. Bee is going to kill me.”Crowley grimaces with a groan.

“Too late. I already met Bee. To their credit, a great choice for security. Accused me of breaking in. I heard a noise down stairs and went to look. How can someone so small be so terrifying?” Garfield informs them.

“Pro tip mate don’t point out their size to them. Bit of a sore spot.” Crowley warns him.

  
  


In the days leading up to christmas Zira toted her family all around London. Crowley wasn’t much for touristy things but sucked it up to entertain her future in-laws. Occasionally Michael and Charlie would go off places alone. Even Gabriel popped out by himself. Zira did not really notice but Crowley did. She started to notice Gabriel acting odd. He checked his phone a lot and was a bit dodgy as to how he spent his day. Then one unusual morning helped confirm her theories. Crowley woke up before anyone else, even Zira who was a notorious insomniac. 

She tiptoed into the kitchen trying not to wake the Fells. She peered into the living room to make sure Gabriel was still asleep and saw the couch was empty. The hall guest bathroom door was wide open and the room dark. With him seemingly gone she decided that running the coffee machine would not be as risky. She sat down with her mug inhaling the strong smell and fighting waves of sleepiness. The sound of the flat main door opening woke her up instantly. Gabriel walked past the kitchen, he didn't notice her.

“Well good morning. Have a fun night there Gabe?” Crowley asks teasingly.

He jumped and twirled around quickly.

“Oh hello Crowley. I ah, I couldn’t sleep and went for a walk.” Gabriel tells her.

“City’s dangerous in the dark, especially in yesterday's trousers.” Crowley says continuing to tease.

Gabriel squirmed a bit uncomfortably and Crowley swore she saw him blush a little.

“Oh come on Gabriel, I’m not Zira you can tell me. You got a secret girlfriend in town and this whole trip was a ruse to see her? Or did you just meet someone? Either way no judgment here. I’m the last person to judge.” Crowley questions.

“No….I.. it’s complicated.” He says with a sigh.

“Come sit. I’m a professional at complicated things.” Crowley instructs him.

Gabriel sighs, rubs at his face. He looked mentally exhausted, as if he were having an internal battle. It was something Crowley knew very well. 

“What’s going on with you?” Crowley asks.

“I...I’m having a bit of a crisis of faith I suppose. I've done something that I don’t regret but at the same time I can’t help but to feel like I’ve betrayed my faith.” Gabriel tries to explain.

“Okay tell me if I got this right. You, I’m assuming, slept with someone and now you’re struggling with your faith?” Crowley questions.

Gabriel just nods.

“First off good for you mate! Second off I get it. I’m not religious in the slightest but Zira is. We’ve talked about it early on in our relationship. Zira figures that when you’re with someone you care about whose God to judge.” 

“Yes and I agree with that but…” Gabriel starts to say.

“But what? Was this a random one time thing then?” Crowley questions.

“I...maybe...I don’t know yet.” 

“Give me some more context here.” Crowley requests.

“Fine but it’s a little awkward given who they are.” Gabriel admits.

“Why do I know this person?” Crowley asks, curious and amused. 

Gabriel covered his face with his hands and nodded.

“No way! Who?” Crowley questions with a grin.

“Bee….” he mumbles against his hands.

“I’m sorry I thought you said Bee as in my spawn of Satan boss.” Crowley says utterly flabbergasted.

“I did.” he confirms dropping his hands, face a bit red. 

“Holy shit.” Crowley gasps. “No wonder you’re having a crisis. Bee is a demon. You know we call them Beelzebub right?” Crowley tells him.

“Wow I’ve never known Bee to see people. What was that even like? You know what I don’t want to know. How did this happen?” Crowley asks.

“Well I ran into them at a coffee shop after that first day. We ended up talking, well debating, for an hour or so. We took the conversation elsewhere, walked around a park.” Gabriel started.

“What were you talk...debating about?” Crowley asks.

“Religion oddly enough amongst other things. We couldn’t disagree more but yet..”

“Oh god you actually like them. I mean you slept with them but you like them.” Crowley interrupts still in shock.

“Yeah I don’t fully understand it either. They’re impossible and frustrating and terrifying but there's just something about them.” 

“Okay, okay. How did you go from arguing about shit to sleeping together? I mean i guess I can see it. Arguing is a very passionate thing and can easily lead to other passionate things..” Crowley cut herself off with a gag.

“Sorry I pictured it and I just can’t. No offense to you Gabriel. It’s just Bee is like not exactly family but a demon that crawled out of the pits of hell to torment me and imaging them any other way is..I just can’t handle it. And that’s not a crack on them being non binary I’m not a bigoted prick, just on them being generally awful.” Crowley adds.

“I’m not exactly perfect either. I used to be a real piece of shit.” Gabriel argues.

“True. Look if this makes you happy and it doesn’t hurt either of you I say don’t worry so much about it yeah? Zira ‘s too hard on herself alot and I imagine that runs in the family. Cut yourself a break.” Crowley tells him.

“Yeah I think you’re right. I’m just thinking about it too hard.” Gabriel agrees.

“So are you two gonna make this a thing?” Crowley asks.

“We’ll see.” 

Crowley sees shadows shifting in the hallway. She looks up to see Zira shuffling her way into the kitchen. 

“Morning angel.” She greets her.

“Good morning. You two are up early.” Zira says going right for the coffee maker.

“Yeah we were just having a chat.” Crowley tells her.

“That’s lovely, what abouts?” Zira asks, turning back to them with her mug in hand.

“Oh just your brother sleeping with Bee.” Crowley says casually with a mischievous grin.

Gabriel groans and hides his face in his hands again. Zira choked on her coffee and nearly dropped the mug. Crowley was beginning to like Christmas this year. By Christmas eve things calmed down. The fells got their questioning and teasing out on poor Gabriel. Crowley still made a note of him sneaking again one night. Tomorrow they will have a big dinner down in the shop. Anathema was off in the states for a few weeks so they invited Newt to come so he wouldn’t be alone. Tracey and Shadwell were in Rome on holiday but promised to call. The Hell Hole crew all agreed to come and Zira convinced Crowley to invite Lana.

“S’gonna be a motley crew if I ever seen one tomorrow.” Crowley comments as she climbs into bed.

“It’ll be lovely.” Zira insists.

“What on earth are you doing?” Crowley questions, watching her dig in the closet.

“I have a special present I want to give you early.” She explains.

“Oo what sort of special present?” Crowley asks, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively even though Zira couldn’t see her.

“Ah here it is!” Zira says triumphantly. 

She held a small box in her hand as she approached the bed. 

“Forgive me darling you did yours so spectacularly and compared to that this isn’t much but I still wanted to do this.” Zira starts and hands her the box.

“What are you on about?” Crowley questions as she opens the box.

Inside was a gold band ring. It had something engraved all over it but Crowley’s poor reptile brain shut down at the realization.

“I realize that usually a ring is given first but I thought of this and hand to get this particular band made for you. It’s a reproduction of an astronomical sphere ring. It was used in the 16th century to help chart the stars. It actually does turn and move like the original ones did. I thought there was no more perfect ring for you.” Zira explains.

Crowley mostly heard her. Her heart was racing like a jackrabbit. She plucked the ring out of the box and ran her finger over the brilliant gold band.

“I hope you like it because I can always….”

Crowley cut her off by kissing her. When she pulled back she realized she had started crying. 

“You talk too much angel.” She teases and wipes at her face.

“So you like it?” Zira asks hopefully.

“Like it? Angel this is so incredible. You don’t have to get me anything else, this is perfect. Who needs two rings when I have one that can transform.” Crowley tells her.

“Oh darling I’m so glad you like it! So does this mean you’ll marry me too?” Zira questions.

“Of course I will, you silly angel.” Crowley tells her, crying a little more despite her best efforts not to.

Zira teared up herself.

“Good or else this would be very awkward.” Zira says with a laugh.

“I really need Christmas to be over with and your family gone because right now Gabriel is getting laid more than me and I won’t stand for it.” Crowley jokes.

Zira rolls her eyes fondly. She takes the ring from Crowley and slips it onto her finger. Zira was relieved she guessed the sizing right. Given that it was entirely custom made it would have been difficult to resize. With the ring in place Crowley takes Zira’s left hand in hers and weaves their fingers together. Crowley brings their hands up and kisses where their two rings touched.

“I love you.” Zira says softly.

Crowley leans forward to let their foreheads touch.

“I love you back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More on the ring Zira got for Crowley: https://mymodernmet.com/armillary-sphere-finger-ring/


	24. Author update

Hi everyone! I apologize for the long gap. I didn't intend it. As some of you might know I live in the United States. Things have been getting progressively worse here. It's taken a big toll on my mental health so I've been taking a break and just focusing getting through each day. 

I'll have a new chapter out soon I promise! I'll be uploading 2 chapters back to back. Thank you for your patience and continued support! I haven't abandoned this fic, don't worry!

No matter where you live stay safe and be kind to one another.


	25. Celebrations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas party, new years celebrations, and a wedding date is picked?!

Crowley woke up Christmas morning alone. The light to their en suite was on. She should have figured Zira would be up bright and early. She resisted the urge to bury herself further under blankets. No Zira would want help to prep for dinner and to do family time this morning. She slithered out of bed and into the bathroom. Zira stood in front of the sink, fiddling with her hair in the mirror. Crowley stood behind Zira resting her head on the angel's shoulder and wrapped her arms around Zira’s torso.

“Happy Christmas Darling.” Zira says making eye contact with her in the mirror.

“Angel I’m sorry to break it to you but we can’t keep doing this anymore. I’m engaged now.” Crowley tells her holding up her newly ringed finger.

“Oh what a coincidence so am I.” Zira says back holding up her own hand.

After a moment the two break character and end up grinning and sharing a laugh.

“Get dressed Darling. I’m going to start breakfast.” Zira tells her, turning in her arms to kiss her check.

“Yes dear.”

Upon leaving the bathroom Crowley finds an atrocious green and red sweater left out on the bed for her. She scowls at it but eventually sighs in defeat. 

“Do it for Zira.” She tells herself.

Dorned in the sweater she shuffles out into the kitchen. Gabriel was up and chatting with his sister. Zira smiles at her as Crowley enters the kitchen.

“Must you make me wear the most obnoxious jumper angel?” Crowley complains.

“Yes because it’s Christmas and you love me.” Zira tells her.

I really do, the bastard. 

“Oh that reminds me. Gabriel could we talk to you about the wedding?” Zira requests.

“Sure.”

“Well I ran the idea by Crowley and she’s on board with it. Would you be open to officiating for us?” Zira asks, a touch nervous.

“You guys want me to marry you?” He asks back, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Of course! I love having you and Michael in my life again. I’d love nothing more than have you guys involved.” Zira tells him.

“Plus you already know how to do it. Real convenient that.” Crowley chimes in.

“Well I’d be honored to.” Gabriel tells them. “Have you picked a date yet?” He asks.

“Oh um well no not yet.” Zira admits.

“No rush. Let me know when you decide and I’ll move things around.” 

“Decide what?” Michael questions as her and Charlie enter the kitchen.

“A wedding date. Gabriel agreed to officiate.” Zira catches them up. “You know if you’re looking for a cake my assistant Marnie is an excellent cake decorator. I can bake em but they’ll look ugly as sin if I’m designing it.” Charlie tells them. 

“We were actually considering asking you about that.” Zira says.

“Yeah why not support the family. Well with me it’s In-laws supporting in-laws.” Crowley adds.

“I’ll send you her and I’s information before we head home then. Oh and Marnie has her own instagram for her cakes, I’ll show you that later if you want to get some ideas.”

As the afternoon came Zira banished Crowley and Michael downstairs to set up the table and decorations. Charlie was granted a chance to stay and help with dinner solely to handle deserts. He mostly just tried to keep out of the Fell siblings ways as they prepared dinner. The Hell Hole crew arrived nearly one after each other. Lana arrived shortly after with a bag filled with a few bottles of wine.

“Hope you don’t mind. I felt odd not bringing anything.” She tells Crowley.

“No I’ll need it. This will be awkward” Crowley says eying Bee and Dagon chatting across the room.

“Why’s that?” Lana asks, excited curiosity taken over her face entirely.

Crowley gives her an amused look but pops a questioning eyebrow.

“Sorry I work for a news outlet can’t help but to get excited over a bit of gossip.” Lana answers.

“Well we found out that Zira’s brother has been going out with my boss since he’s been here and they slept together.” Crowley informs her.

“Really now? How do you two feel about it?” Lana asks.

“No matter to me. S’bit weird just because it’s my boss and I don’t think Zira would particularly care what others get up to but it’s her brother so it’s odd for her too.” 

“I can certainly understand that. So is this a thing-thing or just like a fling?” 

“Not sure but I can already see it meddling with the group balance. Either way Gabriel best be on his best behaviour or Dagon’ll kill him.” Crowley answers.

“Dagon quite protective of Bee then?”

“To be fair Dagon is a bit protective of all us but especially Bee. Not that Bee can’t handle themself.” Crowley explains.

“I get it, he’s a new interloper in the group. I’m still sort of in that group too. They all just have to assess him if he’s a threat or not.” Lana proposes.

“Yeah I suppose that makes sense. I...I’m sorry about Dagon giving you a hard time. She means well.” 

“No I’m glad you have people like her around you. I deserved at least a little of it anyways.” Lana tells her shrugging it off.

“Right well I’ll go take these up to Zira then.” Crowley says, starting to reach from Lana’s bag.

“Here let me. You stay with your guests.” Lana insists.

Crowley just nods. 

“Happy Christmas love.” Lana says before taking off towards the stairs.

Crowley smiled politely but squirmed a little uncomfortably. Receiving affection from Lana would take more time to get used to. She still had to fight the urge to outright reject it, that little scorned rebellious side of her. The other, and somewhat larger, side of her desperately wanted Lana’s affection.

Lana found Zira in the kitchen checking a pot of something on the stove. A tall man stood at the counter next to her chopping something. A second man sat at the kitchen table furiously concentrating on a bowl of dough. 

“It’s not rising.” Charlie complains in a mild panic.

“A watched pot won’t boil dear.” Zira tells him.

Charlie leans back in his chair and scrubs at his face in frustration. Lana smiles in amusement at the interaction. 

“Knock, knock.” She says announcing herself.

Zira pivots to look at her and smiles brightly. 

“Oh Lana! Happy Christmas dear!” Zira greets her.

“Happy Christmas love! I brought wine, I hope you don’t mind.” She says holding up the bag.

“Not at all. I’ll never turn down a good wine.” Zira tells her.

Zira takes the bag from her and pops them into the fridge.

“Lana the grumpy one at the table is Charlie. He’s married to my sister Michael and the other one is my brother Gabriel.” Zira informs her.

“I’m not grumpy, just stressed out over bread, so my usual self.” Charlie argues.

“Charlie is a baker.” Zira explains.

“Ah gotcha. So being terrorized by slow moving dough is normal for you.” Lana jokes.

“Every damn day.” Charlie sighs.

“Fella’s this is Lana she’s…. Oh dear I never really discussed with Crowley what to refer to you as. We just usually say Lana.” Zira says with a frown.

“Oh no need to over complicate things and worry too much. I’m Crowley’s biological mother.” Lana explains.

“Well it’s nice to meet you.” Gabriel says.

“You both as well. Do you need help with anything?” Lana asks them.

“Not unless you can perform a miracle at the snap of a finger.” Charlie grumbles slinking back down to glare at his dough.

“I think we can manage but thank you.” Zira tells her.

“Alright then, don’t work too hard up here.” 

Despite the slight air of awkward tension the dinner went off well. The food got rave reviews, which Crowley had full confidence in her angel and Gabriel. Charlie spent ten minutes apologizing profusely for the lack of bread, muttering under his breath about dough. He made up for it with a slew of pies and pastries. Crowley and Lana gossiped most of the night watching Bee and Gabriel interact. Zira pretended not to notice and distracted herself by chatting with Newt about his after graduation plans.

After dinner Newt called up Anathema. She had Zira on the phone for nearly twenty minutes before they moved on to Tracy and Shadwell. All in all it was a rather successful albeit a little unorthodox dinner. That night Crowley had to practically carry Zira to bed. Her angel was so tired from the day's work. Charlie had passed out on the couch which was fine. Gabriel had slipped out when the guests had started to leave. Michael assisted Crowley with the cleaning up of the kitchen while their worn out loved ones slept. 

The Fell family left a few days later. Crowley was pleased to have their flat back to normal quiet, not that she didn’t enjoy Zira’s family. Zira shared the sentiment much preferring peace and quiet herself. The pair hung around the house resting and enjoying doing nothing in the days leading up to New Years Eve. It was then Crowley remembered Zira’s promise to make it up to her for waiting so patiently. 

“I have an Idea of what we can do tonight, but no laughing.” Zira tells her.

“Okay shoot.” Crowley says with an amused grin.

“How about we get all dressed up, watch the countdown on the telly and just get champagnie drunk in the living room?” Zira suggests.

“Sounds fantastic. You should wear that red dress so I can take it off you.” Crowley tells her suggestively.

“Very well but you have to be on your best behaviour till after midnight.” Zira instructs.

“And why is that?” 

“Why my dearest everything's better when you have to wait a little for it.” Zira says coyly.

“Fuck I love you.” Crowley swears with a heavy breath. “For the record I’ve been waiting since before Christmas. At this rate you’re going to discorparate me.” she sighs.

“Well you can wait a few more hours darling.” Zira says simply.

She kisses Crowley on the cheek and heads off into the living room. That night after a quick dinner the pair split up to different bathrooms. Crowley quickly snatched up her clothes and bear hugged them along with her toiletries and slithered off to the guest bathroom. Zira strangely found herself getting a tad nervous while dressing. It was silly. Crowley had seen her in the dress before and they lived together for Pete's sake. Perhaps it was just anticipation, she told herself. 

She smoothed out the fabric of her dress and ran her fingers through her hair once more. She smiled at her reflection and stepped out of the bed room. The guest bathroom door was still shut. 

“Darling I’m going to get the drinks and the channel ready. Take your time.” Zira calls down to her.

“Almost done!” Crowley’s voice called back.

Zira apsentmindedly hummed to herself as she collected the bottle of champagne she put away especially for New Years, and a pair of glasses. She carried them out to the living room and popped on the television. The hallway floorboards squeaked out from the weight of Crowley approaching. Zira turned to greet her but as she looked at her loving partner all the air in her lungs were subsequently knocked out of her.

Crowley had chosen a black dress for the night. Zira figured it barely countered as a dress given how little it actually covered. It had a low back, deep v cut in the front exposing her freckled chest, and a slit up one side. Her tattooed leg was exposed, parts of the scaled snake body peaking out over thigh high stockings. She had her auburn hair tied up exposing her gorgeous slender neck. Zira watched her red painted lips curl up into a smile.

“I take it my plan is working.” Crowley says rather smugly.

“Darling that dress is entirely indecent.” Zira comments, sounding about out of breath as she felt.

“Thanks, I planned it that way. Figured turn abouts fair, seeing how you’ve been tempting me for the last week.” Crowley tells her.

“Now dearest I wasn’t trying to drive you mad.” 

“Oh angel you don’t have to try. If you’re making me wait till midnight i’m not going to make it easy on you either.” Crowley says with a smirk and walks past her to the couch.

Zira composses herself for a moment then joins her on the couch. Crowley slings an arm around Zira’s shoulder prompting her angel to snuggle up against her side. 

“You know darling I started thinking about when we should have the wedding.” Zira says after a moment.

“Oh yeah? What’re you thinking?” Crowley asks.

“I know I was the one who said I didn’t mind waiting a bit but I got to thinking and we should do it when it’s warm so you won’t be suffering.” Zira suggests.

“That’s sweet angel but we don’t have to do that just because of me.” 

“Well I quite like summer myself. It’ll be nicer for the guests as well. Which brings me to my next point. It’s rather soon but how do you feel about this summer?” Zira asks.

“Angel I’d marry you tomorrow if you wanted.” Crowley tells her.

“August is much too hot don’t you think?”

“Yeah, and June is your birthday. I don’t want to compete with that. S’ides it can have it’s chillier days.” Crowley adds.

“So july then?” Crowley asks.

“July.”

Zira and Crowley share a bright happy grin.

“Don’t you dare start crying angel or I’ll be crying too.” Crowley warns.

Zira bites her lip to stop the overwhelming feeling from making her eyes well up. Crowley could see her struggling to fight it, so she leans forward to press a kiss to her lips. Zira smiled against her lips. Crowley could feel wetness against her face. 

“Oh angel.” Crowley teases, pulling back and cupping her fiance's face.

“I can’t help it darling. I’m just so happy.” Zira says with a chuckle.

Crowley wipes away the tears and the pair share a smile.

“Come one angel lets share a toast to the new year.” Crowley suggests grabbing the bottle of champagne.  
She pours them each a glass and hands Zira one.

“To the people and the world that brought us together.” Zira toasts raising her glass.

“To the world.” Crowley smiles and clinks her glass against Zira’s.

They both take a drink and as they do Zira catches the countdown starting on the television. She quickly sets her glass down.

“Oo it’s starting darling!” She says with a happy little wiggle.

Crowley indulges Zira by counting aloud with her. Once the clock hits midnight Zira beats Crowley to the punch and kisses her first. What starts as a playful celebratory thing quickly devolved into Zira sat on Crowley's lap. Crowley wasted no time running a hand up one of Zira’s thighs straddling her own. On a normal day she was obsessed with her angels thighs but on a day where she is as pent up as she was now they were practically all she could think of. Her plan was to stop once she hit the fabric on her hip but none came. 

“Angel are you not wearing anything under this?” Crowley questions with what little brain function she had left.

“It would just simply be in the way darling.” 

Crowley lets out a noise Zira could only describe as a growl. Next thing she knew she was being lifted off of Crowley’s lap and her back pressed into the couch. She giggles delightfully and pulls Crowley into a kiss. They eventually made it to bed after Zira’s protests. The couch was far too small and uncomfortable for them to sleep on. Crowley grumbled and dragged her feet, too tired to move. That night they lay cuddled up together in blissful exhaustion as the new year ticked on. 

“July darling…” Zira mumbles, as she nuzzled against the top of Crowley's head.

“See ya then angel.” Crowley mumbles back pressing herself more against Zira’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the very kind words in comments! I'm doing a little better! Hope this was worth some of the extra wait.


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